Something Big (1971) Poster


Dean Martin: Joe Baker



  • Joe Pickins : I guess I'd still be a horse soldier if I hadn't lost my leg.

    Joe Baker : In the war?

    Joe Pickins : Naw... See, there was this girl in Virginia... and her father caught us... cut it off. Chopped it clean off! With an axe. While I was sleepin'.

    Joe Baker : Really?

    Joe Pickins : Cross my heart.

    Joe Baker : You're lucky it was only your leg.

  • Stagecoach lady : [wearing a low-cut dress; she is in a stagecoach that Baker's gang has just stopped]  Are you a bandit?

    Joe Baker : [friendly, even though he is planning to kidnap her]  No, ma'am, just an old cowboy tryin' to get along.

    Stagecoach lady : [friendly]  Well, honey, I don't care what you call yourself. But if you're after our valuables, I'll tell you now - mine, you can't put in a saddle-bag.

    Joe Baker : [smiling]  You wanna bet?

  • Joe Baker : [riding on a horse, through the hot desert, with his hostage Mary Anna Morgan; he offers Mary his canteen, but she hesitates to take it]  I'll make a deal with you - you can hate me, but you can still drink my water.

    Mary Anna Morgan : [very hot and thirsty, accepts his canteen]  On that basis, I'll do it.

    Joe Baker : [noticing her wiping the rim very thoroughly]  I don't have a disease.

    Mary Anna Morgan : [referring to their relationship in general]  Neither do I, and it's gonna remain that way.

  • Carrie Standall : [as Baker rides to the Standall sisters' home, which is a shanty and a shed, next to an old mine, by the boundary of the Texas and New Mexico territory]  Baker, you just get purtier and purtier.

    Joe Baker : I sure am a lucky man. Every time I come back here, I half expect to see you two gone.

    Carrie Standall : Every time we think of leaving, Polly finds another nugget.

    Polly Standall : That's right. We ain't got nothin' but a cow and a hole in the ground.

    Carrie Standall : You might say we live from nipple to nugget.

    Polly Standall : [to Baker on his horse]  Come on down. I got a' itch that needs scratchin'.

  • Jonny Cobb : I'll trade you that there Big Gun for a woman.

    Joe Baker : [disbelief]  A what?

    Jonny Cobb : [firmly]  A woman.

    Joe Baker : [surprised]  What do you want with a woman?

    Jonny Cobb : [insulted by the implication]  What do you mean? What do you mean, what do I want with a woman? What should any man want with a woman?

  • Jonny Cobb : [all cleaned up, holding a bouquet of flowers, with a lacy garter around his left sleeve, in anticipation of Baker bringing him a woman]  Baker, where's a woman?

    Joe Baker : When I have her, I'll let you know, alright?

    Jonny Cobb : [mad]  When?

    Joe Baker : What do you think I am, Cobb, a magician? You think it's easy to produce a woman out of nowhere? Don't you think if I could find a woman, in this territory, I'd have one or two for myself?

  • Jonny Cobb : [upset]  We got a deal. You and me, a deal. A woman for a Gatling Gun. Now, I can get my hands on that Gatling Gun this week. Where's a woman?

    Joe Baker : What you need is a drink, Jonny. Sit down, Jonny. Have a drink.

    Jonny Cobb : [very frustrated]  When I lie down at nights, I'm thinking about a woman. And when I get up in the morning, I'm thinking about a woman. It's been years. Baker, it's been years! I can't remember. I can't even remember what it's like.

    Joe Baker : [matter-of-fact tone of voice]  Well, Jonny, I'll tell you what it's like. First of all...

    Jonny Cobb : [mad]  I don't want you to tell me, I wanna do it!

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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