Roy Kinnear: Mr. Salt
Willy Wonka : There's no earthly way of knowing/Which direction they are going... There's no knowing where they're rowing...
Mr. Salt : [weakly echoing] Rowing...
Willy Wonka : Or which way the river's flowing... Is it raining, is it snowing?/Is a hurricane a-blowing?
Willy Wonka : Not a speck of light is showing/So the danger must be growing... Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?/Is the grisly Reaper mowing?/Yes! The danger must be growing/'Cause the rowers keep on rowing/
Willy Wonka : And they're certainly not showing/Any sign that they are slowing!
[lets out a high-pitched, almost unearthly scream]
Violet Beauregarde : Well, they can't be real people.
Willy Wonka : Why, of course they're real people.
Mr. Salt : Stuff and nonsense!
Willy Wonka : No, Oompa Loompas.
The Group : [turning around] Oompa Loompas?
Willy Wonka : From Loompaland.
Mrs. Teevee : Loompaland? There's no such place.
Willy Wonka : Excuse me, dear lady, but...
Mrs. Teevee : Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography.
Willy Wonka : Oh, well, then you know all about it and what a terrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and left. A Wangdoodle would eat ten of them for breakfast and think nothing of it. And so, I said, "Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles, and Hornswogglers, and Snozzwangers, and rotten, Vermicious Knids."
Mr. Salt : Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind of rubbish is that?
Willy Wonka : I'm sorry, but all questions *must* be submitted in writing. And so, in the greatest of secrecy, I transported the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here.
Veruca Salt : Hey, Daddy, *I* want an Oompa Loompa! I want you to get me an Oompa Loompa right away!
Mr. Salt : All right, Veruca, all right. I'll get you one before the day is out.
Veruca Salt : [whining] I want an Oompa Loompa now!
Violet Beauregarde : Can it, you nit!
[Willy Wonka and the group are still on the boat and are at the hallway outside the inventing room]
Willy Wonka : We're there.
Mrs. Teevee : Where?
Willy Wonka : Here. A small step for mankind, but a giant step for us. All ashore!
Mr. Beauregarde : Let me off this crate!
Mike Teevee : Now why don't they show stuff like that on T.V.?
Mrs. Teevee : I don't know.
Mr. Salt : What a nightmare.
Veruca Salt : Daddy, I do not want a boat like this.
[Charlie and Grandpa Joe look and read a sign at the door]
Charlie : Dairy cream...
Grandpa Joe : Whipped cream...
Charlie : Coffee cream...
Grandpa Joe : Vanilla cream...
Willy Wonka : Meine Herrschaften, schenken Sie mir ihre aufmerksamkeit.
[Translation: My dominions, please give me your attention]
Mrs. Teevee : That's not French.
Willy Wonka : Sie kommen jetzt in den interessantesten und gleichzeitig geheimsten raum meiner fabrik.
[Translation: You have now come to the most interesting and, at the same time, the most secret room of my factory]
Mr. Salt : I can't take much more of this.
Willy Wonka : Meine Damen und Herren, der Inventing Room.
[Translation: Ladies and Gentlemen, The Inventing Room]
Willy Wonka : Now, remember: No messing about, no touching, no tasting, no telling.
Grandpa Joe : No telling what?
Willy Wonka : You see, all of my most secret inventions are cooking and simmering in here. Old Slugworth would give his false teeth to get inside for just five minutes, so don't touch a thing!
Willy Wonka : Don't you know what this is?
Violet Beauregarde : By gum, it's gum.
Willy Wonka : [happily, but sarcastically] Wrong! It's the most amazing, fabulous, sensational gum in the whole world.
Violet Beauregarde : What's so fab about it?
Willy Wonka : This little piece of gum is a three-course dinner.
Mr. Salt : Bull.
Willy Wonka : No, roast beef. But I haven't got it quite right yet.
[Wonka walks down the hall which gets shorter as it goes on in the skewed perspective room]
Charlie : Hey, the room is getting smaller.
Mrs. Teevee : No, it's not. He's getting bigger!
Mr. Salt : He's at it again!
Mike Teevee : Where's the chocolate?
Mr. Beauregarde : I doubt if there is any.
Mr. Salt : I doubt if any of us will get out of here alive.
Willy Wonka : Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about.
Mrs. Gloop : You're not squeezing me through that tiny door!
Mr. Salt : You're off your bleeding nut, Wonka. No one can get through there!
Veruca Salt : [to Mr. Salt] I want to go in! Don't you dare stop me!
Mr. Salt : I'm only trying to help you, sweetheart.
Veruca Salt : [to Violet] Give me that pen!
[Veruca grabs the pen from Violet]
Veruca Salt : [to Mr. Salt] You're always making things difficult.
[signs the contract]
Willy Wonka : [admiringly] Nicely handled, Veruca! Now there's a girl who knows where she's going.
Veruca Salt : They're not even trying! They don't want to find it! They're jealous of me!
Mr. Salt : Sweetheart, I can't push them no harder; 19,000 bars an hour they're shelling; 760,000 they've done so far.
Veruca Salt : You promised, Daddy! You promised I'd have it the very first day!
Mrs. Salt : You're going to be very unpopular around here, Henry, if you don't deliver soon.
Mr. Salt : It breaks my heart, Henrietta. I hate to see her unhappy.
Veruca Salt : I won't talk to you ever again! You're a mean father, you'll never give me anything I want! And I won't go to school till I have it!
Mr. Salt : Veruca, sweetheart, angel. Now, there are four tickets left in the whole world, and the whole ruddy world's hunting for them! What can I do?
Veruca Salt : I wanted to be the first to find a Golden Ticket, Daddy!
Mr. Salt : I know, angel. We're doing the best we can. I've got every girl in the place to start hunting for you.
Veruca Salt : All right, where is it? Why haven't they found it?
Mr. Salt : Veruca, sweetheart, I'm not a magician! Give me time!
Veruca Salt : I want it now! What's the matter with those twerps down there?
Mr. Salt : For five days now, the entire flipping factory's been on the job. They haven't shelled a peanut in there since Monday. They've been shelling flaming chocolate bars from dawn till dusk!
Veruca Salt : Make them work nights!
Mr. Salt : Where is she going?
Willy Wonka : Where all the other bad eggs go, down the garbage chute.
Mr. Salt : [laughs] Oh, the garbage chute. Where does it lead to?
Willy Wonka : To the furnace.
Mr. Salt : [laughs] The furnace! She'll be sizzled like a sausage.
Willy Wonka : No, not necessarily. She could be stuck just inside the tube.
Mr. Salt : Inside the...
[he starts suddenly in shock and runs]
Mr. Salt : Hold on! Veruca! Sweetheart! Daddy's coming!
[dives down the chute]
Willy Wonka : There'll to be a lot of garbage today.