El topo

Alejandro Jodorowsky's 'acid Western' El Topo is either the work of a truly enlightened genius, or it is a massively pretentious piece of surrealist claptrap, the visual ramblings of a man who has taken far too many psychedelic drugs. Since I am neither a master of Zen spiritualism or a stoner, the film - all two hours and a smidge of it - left me utterly bewildered. I even picked up my hitherto unread copy of ''The Spiritual Journey of Alejandro Jodorowsky' looking for answers; sadly, the book is just as hard to fathom.

The film's central character, El Topo (played by Jodorowsky), is a gunslinger who embarks on a quest to defeat four masters, which he does, after which he hangs out with a cave full of physically handicapped people, digging them a tunnel so that they can leave and head for a nearby town where they are promptly gunned down by the townsfolk. This brief synopsis doesn't do the sheer craziness of the film justice, but to catalogue all of the weird stuff that happens would take me forever, suffice to say that there's lots of dead rabbits, much female nudity, loads of bloody gunshots, fun with lizards, a man wearing three hats, eggs buried in sand, a bloke with no arms giving a piggyback to a man with no legs, and a boxing match with barbed wire gloves. And that's just the tip of the drug-fuelled iceberg.

The film is also crammed to the gills with religious symbolism that Jodorowsky no doubt feels is extremely profound, but which I guarantee will be totally lost on the majority of viewers. Sadly, one hundred and twenty five minutes of total confusion does not equal a good time in my book, and, as much as I enjoy strange movies, I cannot say that I had a good time with this one.

Maybe, just maybe, by watching El Topo, I have taken the first small step to my own spiritual enlightenment; more likely - to use an old IMDb cliché - it's just two hours of my life that I'll never get back.

?/10 - I can't really rate what I don't understand.