Gary Burghoff: Cpl. 'Radar' O'Reilly
P.A. Announcer : [clears his throat] Attention. Tonight's movie has been "M*A*S*H." Follow the zany antics of our combat surgeons as they cut and stitch their way along the front lines, operating as bombs -
P.A. Announcer : operating as bombs and bullets burst around them; snatching laughs and love between amputaions and penicillin.
Colonel Blake : [Watches as a jeep rolls away] Did Hawkeye steal that jeep?
Radar : No, sir. That's the one he came in.
Colonel Blake : Oh, very good. Come along, my dear.
[He and Lt. Leslie leave]
P.A. Announcer : Follow Hawkeye, Trapper, Duke, Dago Red, Painless, Radar, Hot Lips, Dish and Staff Seargeant Vollmer as they put our boys back together again.
[a montage of cast members starts]
P.A. Announcer : Starring Donald Sutherland, Elliott Gould, Tom Skerritt, Sally Kellerman, Robert Duvall, Jo Ann Pflug, Rene Auberjonois, Roger Bowen, Gary Burghoff, David Arkin, John Schuck, Fred Williamson, Indus Arthur, Tim Brown, Corey Fischer, Bud Cort, Carl Gottlieb, Dawne Damon, Tamara Horrocks, Ken Prymus, Danny Goldman, Kim Atwood, Michael Murphy, G. Wood, Rick Neilan and Bobby Troup.
SSgt. Gorman : Goddamn army.
P.A. Announcer : That is all.
[a gong sounds and the screen suddenly goes black. End of movie]
Radar : Gentlemen, I'm Corporal O'Reilly, they call me Radar. You'll be staying in Major Burns' tent. I'll take your things over there now.
Colonel Blake : Get everything out of the Jeep...
Radar : [while Blake continues speaking] Don't worry about the Jeep. I'll change the numbers.
Colonel Blake : ...All their duffel bags, all their gear... Oh, and change the numbers on that Jeep.
Colonel Blake : [General Hammond is yelling in their direction] Radar!
Radar : Sir?
Colonel Blake : What's the general trying to say?
Radar : He's just been informed as to the identity of our, uh, Spearchucker. His ringer spotted our ringer.
Colonel Blake : [shouts to the general] How do ya like them apples, Charlie?
Lt. Col. Henry Braymore Blake : Radar.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Yes, sir. I'll get ahold of Major Burns...
Lt. Col. Henry Braymore Blake : I want you to get a hold of Major Burns...
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : ...Tell him to hold a couple day surgeons over into the night shift.
Lt. Col. Henry Braymore Blake : Tell him we're going to have hold a couple of surgeons over from the day shift out of the night shift.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : I'll put in a call to General Hammond in Seoul...
Lt. Col. Henry Braymore Blake : Get General Hammond down there in Seoul, tell him to send us those new surgeons right away.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : ...I hope he sends us those two new surgeons. We're sure gonna need'em.
SSgt. Vollmer : What was that, sir?
Lt. Col. Henry Braymore Blake : I gave everything to Radar.
SSgt. Vollmer : What?