Kelly's Heroes (1970)
Donald Sutherland: Oddball
Kelly : Well Oddball, what do you think?
Oddball : It's a wasted trip baby. Nobody said nothing about locking horns with no Tigers.
Big Joe : Hey look, you just keep them Tigers busy and we'll take care of the rest.
Oddball : The only way I got to keep them Tigers busy is to LET THEM SHOOT HOLES IN ME!
Crapgame : Hey, Oddball, this is your hour of glory. And you're chickening out!
Oddball : To a New Yorker like you, a hero is some type of weird sandwich, not some nut who takes on three Tigers.
Kelly : Nobody's asking you to be a hero.
Oddball : No? Then YOU sit up in that turret baby.
Kelly : No, because you're gonna be up there, baby, and I'll be right outside showing you which way to go.
Oddball : Yeah?
Kelly : Yeah.
Oddball : Crazy... I mean like, so many positive waves... maybe we can't lose, you're on!
Oddball : Hi, man.
Big Joe : What are you doing?
Oddball : I'm drinking wine and eating cheese, and catching some rays, you know.
Big Joe : What's happening?
Oddball : Well, the tank's broke and they're trying to fix it.
Big Joe : Well, then, why the hell aren't you up there helping them?
Oddball : [chuckles] I only ride 'em, I don't know what makes 'em work.
Big Joe : Christ!
Oddball : Definitely an antisocial type. Woof, woof, woof! That's my other dog imitation.
[Bellamy tells him he's behind enemy lines]
Oddball : So they tell me. Everybody round here is very friendly. Look, baby, I'm kinda hung up. I need sixty feet of bridge.
Bellamy : Hey, kid, they haven't got you in the nut ward again?
Oddball : Ah, Bellamy, for cryin' out loud. That's the the stinking, most awful, stupid joke and you're always pullin' that stinking awful stupid joke. You don't want in this thing, you don't get in this thing. I cut you out of everything. I don't need you. Sixty feet of bridge I can get almost anywhere. Schmuck!
Oddball : This engine's been modified by our mechanical genius here, Moriarty. Right?
Moriarty : Whatever you say, babe.
Oddball : These engines are the fastest in any tanks in the European Theater of Operations, forwards or backwards. You see, man, we like to feel we can get out of trouble, quicker than we got into it.
Kelly : [looking skeptical] Got any other secret weapons?
Oddball : Well, yeah, man, you see, like, all the tanks we come up against are bigger and better than ours, so all we can hope to do is, like, scare 'em away, y'know. This gun is an ordinary 76mm but we add this piece of pipe onto it, and the Krauts think, like, maybe it's a 90mm. We got our own ammunition, it's filled with paint. When we fire it, it makes... pretty pictures. Scares the hell outta people! We have a loudspeaker here, and when we go into battle we play music, very loud. It kind of... calms us down.
Oddball : [looking at aerial pics of the a remaining bridge] Beautiful.
Moriarty : suppose the bridge ain't there?
Oddball : [groans] Don't hit me with them negative waves so early in the morning. Think the bridge will be there and it will be there. It's a mother, beautiful bridge, and it's gonna be there. Ok?
Oddball : [Later: Oddball is looking through binoculars at the bridge] Still up!
Oddball : [planes fly and bomb the bridge] ... No it ain't. See what sending out them negative waves did, Moriarty?
Moriarty : That ain't my fault, Oddball, I've done nothing but have good thoughts about that damn bridge ever since we left!
Oddball : To a New Yorker like you, a Hero is some type of weird sandwich, not some nut who takes on 3 Tigers.
Oddball : Crazy! I mean like so many positive waves maybe we can't lose! You're on!
[at a supply depot somewhere in France]
Oddball : We see our role as essentially defensive in nature. While our armies are advancing so fast and everyone's knocking themselves out to be heroes, we are holding ourselves in reserve in case the Krauts mount a counteroffensive which threatens Paris... or maybe even New York. Then we can move in and stop them. But for 1.6 million dollars, we could become heroes for three days.
Oddball : Always with the negative waves Moriarty, always with the negative waves.
[confronting the Tiger tank commander]
Big Joe : Look, Mac, you and us? We're just soldiers, right? We don't even know what this war's all about. All we do is we fight and we die and for what? We don't get anything out of it. In about a half an hour the whole American army's gonna be comin' down that road. Why don't you do yourself a great, big fat favor, huh? And get the hell outta here?
German tank commander : I have orders. This bank isn't to fall into the hands of the American army.
Kelly : Sergeant, this bank's not gonna fall into the hands of the American army. It's gonna fall in our hands. You see, we're just a private enterprise operation.
German tank commander : You... the American army!
Oddball : No, baby, we ain't.
Oddball : Arf arf arf... That's my other dog impression.
Oddball : A Sherman can give you a very nice... edge.
Oddball : [Sliding along the gun barrel to look out a small window] It's a mark six... And we've got it by the ass!
Crapgame : What is this? Huh? What is this, a ballgame? Who are these guys?
Oddball : They're my friends, Crapgame...
Crapgame : And who is that bunch of refugees over there?
Oddball : The band.
Crapgame : The band? What do we need a band for?
Oddball : Have a little faith, Crapgame... they're beautiful people!
Oddball : Fire!
Oddball : [Talking to German tank officer] You know what's inside that bank, man? There's 16 million dollars worth of gold in the bank, sweetheart. Mm-hm, mm-hm.
[Tank officer's eyes grow wide]
Big Joe : That's about 65 million marks.
Kelly : And sergeant, all you have to do to have an equal share of this money is crank this turret around and blow a hole in that door.
[Points to bank]
Oddball : [Sliding along the gun barrel to look out a small window] It's a Mark VI... And we've got it by the ass!