A young boy, Conan, becomes a slave after his parents are killed and tribe destroyed by a savage warlord and sorcerer, Thulsa Doom. When he grows up he becomes a fearless, invincible fighter. Set free, he plots revenge against Thulsa Doom.
James Earl Jones,
Max von Sydow
After many centuries, Hercules gets bored living in Olympus (the home of the great Greek gods) and decides to move to... New York. But obviously, it is not easy for a man who lived in ancient Greece to get used to modern life. So, things get a little tricky, especially when Zeus sends a few gods to bring his semi-god son back to mount Olympus.Written by
Chris Makrozahopoulos <firstname.lastname@example.org>
In the 1982 re-release, simply titled HERCULES (or HERCULES THE MOVIE), after the original opening narration, a new title card is spliced in. First, there is a few seconds of "laser" light-show effects. Then, an illustration of a flexing Arnold Schwarzenegger standing between two tall pedestals, with aura emanating from his hands. Above the image, "Arnold Schwarzenegger" in towering space-age font appears with a blue laser effect, and in the same font/effect, appears "Hercules." Then, at the bottom, in simple white font, appears "(C) MCMLXXXIII Filmpartners, Inc." "Starring Arnold Stang" and finally, "A Filmpartners Release". This is then followed by the first smoke-covered scene of Mount Olympus, where we hear Hercules asking "Why can't I go?" (where we left off). This new version's opening title can also be seen in the theatrical teaser/trailer (seen on Trimark's DVD version), which are apparently the only trailers in existence. And during the original opening credits, all titles from "RAF Industries, Inc. Presents" to "Starring Arnold Stang and Arnold Strong 'Mr. Universe'" were noticeably snipped. See more »
This is one of the worst movies of all time. The four-hundred-and-something witless souls who awarded this a 10 should be permanently banned from voting.
Forget that it was made on a shoe-string budget, and that at one point Arnold fights the worst bear costume in movie history; forget that he takes his shirt off in every other scene, often with zero motivation; forget that the Mount Olympus scenes are obviously shot in New York; forget even that the acting is of such monumental ineptitude that James Karen (one of the worst actors in "Return of the Living Dead") is far and away the finest thespian in sight. The fact that anybody invested as much as a nickel in a script that one monkey working for one hour could easily have done better is what really blows my mind. The premise is painfully stupid, and the execution of it is as heavy-handed and amateurish as anything you're likely to see. Most porn movies are produced with more consideration for plot.
I recommend "Hercules in New York" to anyone who likes to go to the dentist or enjoys a hard punch in the nose. This is an hour and a half of pure agony.
65 of 107 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful to you?
| Report this