Quotes

A Guide for the Married Man

Technical Adviser: [after losing her bra in "the heat of battle"] It's all right, Tiger. I've got another one at home.
Technical Adviser: That is not what's worrying me. What is worrying me is my wife coming home and finding it.
Technical Adviser: She'll just think it's hers.
Technical Adviser: Don't be ridiculous.

Ed Stander: Basic principle number one - never say you'll be where you can be proved not to be.
Paul Manning: Boy oh boy it just gets more complicated.
Ed Stander: Protecting your loved ones is hard work.

Paul Manning: That's the trouble with Ruth, she's such a wonderful wife.
Ed Stander: Look Paul, if you care enough for your wife you can always find something about her you can't stand.

Paul Manning: Do all married guys do it Ed?
Ed Stander: No, maybe there comes a time in every marriage when a guy considers it but not all of them give in to it, only 43%. Which I think is about to go up to 44%.

Ed Stander: Basic Principle number one: Never, NEVER say you'll be where you can be found not to be.

Technical Adviser: Baby, I'm sorry.
Technical Adviser: Well, you ought to be.
Technical Adviser: Yeah, yeah, I feel terrible, baby. I don't know why you put up with me.
Technical Adviser: Neither do I. Did you eat?
Technical Adviser: Yeah, I caught a hamburger in some joint, then I sort of just drove around. I feel terrible, honey.
Technical Adviser: Well, maybe we do have chicken a little too often.
Technical Adviser: No, honey, it's not that. It's just this crazy temper of mine. I don't know why I keep taking it out on you.
Technical Adviser: Maybe that's what a wife is for.
Technical Adviser: No, honey - I love your chicken.
Technical Adviser: Really, honey?
Technical Adviser: Most of all I love you, honey.
Technical Adviser: I love you, honey.
Technical Adviser: See you tonight, baby.

Technical Adviser: [walks in catching Charlie in bed with another woman] Charlie!
Technical Adviser: What?
Technical Adviser: What are you doing?
Technical Adviser: Where?
Technical Adviser: There, with her.
Technical Adviser: Who?
Technical Adviser: Her. How could you?
Technical Adviser: What?
Technical Adviser: That.
Technical Adviser: When?
Technical Adviser: When I came in. You and she were...
Technical Adviser: Who?
Technical Adviser: You know very well who. That woman, there.
Technical Adviser: Where?
Technical Adviser: Charlie?
Technical Adviser: What?
Technical Adviser: You and that woman.
Technical Adviser: What woman?
Technical Adviser: The the the one who just left.
Technical Adviser: When?
Technical Adviser: But, Charlie.
Technical Adviser: What?
Technical Adviser: Aren't you even ashamed of yourself?
Technical Adviser: Why?
Technical Adviser: Because of... Charlie?
Technical Adviser: What?
Technical Adviser: What would you like for dinner.

Technical Adviser: Joe?
Technical Adviser: Yeah. Hi, baby.
Technical Adviser: Hi, honey.
Technical Adviser: How are the kids?
Technical Adviser: Fine.
Technical Adviser: Good. What's for dinner?
Technical Adviser: Chicken.
Technical Adviser: Chicken? We just had that two days ago.
Technical Adviser: No, that was last Thursday we had chicken.
Technical Adviser: Are you calling me a liar?
Technical Adviser: No, honey...
Technical Adviser: A man kills himself working for his wife and family all day long. What does he get when he gets home? Chicken and insults!
Technical Adviser: Honey!
Technical Adviser: Well, it's not bad enough we have chicken every day...
Technical Adviser: We do not have chicken every day!
Technical Adviser: Why don't you learn how to cook something else for a change?
Technical Adviser: I do. Yesterday we had pot roast.
Technical Adviser: Pot roast? It tasted more like the pot than the roast.
Technical Adviser: Are you complaining about my cooking?
Technical Adviser: Yes.
Technical Adviser: Well, if you don't like it why don't you go someplace else?
Technical Adviser: All right, I will!
Technical Adviser: All right, go ahead!

Paul Manning: [to wife] Well if you think I'm going to stick about here just watching you be cheerful you've got another think coming!

Suggest an edit or add missing content

Top Gap

By what name was A Guide for the Married Man (1967) officially released in India in English?