1.6/10
1,633
34 user 7 critic

Five the Hard Way (1969)

Motorcycle racer Rommel seeks vengeance against JC, a madman who murdered the sidehacker's fiancee.

Director:

Gus Trikonis

Writers:

Tony Huston (screenplay) (as Tony Houston), Larry Billman (story)
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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
Ross Hagen ... Rommel
Diane McBain ... Rita
Michael Pataki ... J.C. (as Mike Pataki)
Richard Merrifield ... Luke
Claire Polan Claire Polan ... Paisley
Edward Parrish Edward Parrish ... Nero
Michael Graham ... Cooch
Hoke Howell ... Crapout
Robert Tessier ... Jake (as Bob Tessier)
Eric Lidberg Eric Lidberg ... Tork
Tony Lorea Tony Lorea ... Announcer
Erik Cord Erik Cord ... Dirty John
Toni Moss Toni Moss ... Lois
Diane Tessier Diane Tessier ... Debbie
Joey Tessier Joey Tessier ... Billy
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Storyline

Motorcycle racer Rommel and his fiancée Rita become friendly with a biker gang led by the unstable J.C. When Rita is raped and murdered by J.C. in a jealous rage, Rommel gathers some biker pals and goes on a hunt for vengeance. Written by Marty McKee <mmckee@wkio.com>

Plot Summary | Plot Synopsis

Taglines:

HARD RIDERS! Mounted on Burning Steel! ... with only their leathers between THEM and HELL!

Genres:

Action | Sport

Certificate:

M | See all certifications »

Parents Guide:

View content advisory »
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Details

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Release Date:

11 July 1970 (Sweden) See more »

Also Known As:

The Side Hackers See more »

Filming Locations:

Perris, California, USA

Company Credits

Production Co:

Lovina Productions,Triforum See more »
Show more on IMDbPro »

Technical Specs

Runtime:

Sound Mix:

Mono (Ryder Sound Services)

Color:

Color (Eastmancolor)

Aspect Ratio:

2.35 : 1
See full technical specs »
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Did You Know?

Trivia

Goldie Hawn, Gus Trikonis's then-wife, auditioned for the role of Paisely. See more »


Soundtracks

Only Love
Written by Jerry Styner, Mike Curb and Guy Hemric
Performed by The New Life
See more »

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User Reviews

A movie with no redeeming qualities
21 March 2000 | by Mike Sh.See all my reviews

Some movies are badly made but somehow charming in their incompetence. Some movies are disturbing but thought-provoking. Some movies just plain stink, but are good for a laugh if you're sitting around with your buddies altering your brain chemistry with substances of varying degrees of legality.

Then there's "Sidehackers", starring Ross Hagen, the Budget Steve McQueen, who wears a ridiculous little hat, and races a motorcycle with a funny side car (the "sidehacking" of the title). Budget Steve also likes to frolic in the tall grass and grunt and gurgle and murmur with his adoring fiancee, the lovely Rita. But when B.S. gets on the wrong side of J.C. (Michael Pataki, who usually plays Cold-War-era Soviet bad guys of various types), he gets the beating of his life. As for Rita, ... well, I just would rather not talk about that. Anyway, Budget Steve vows revenge, and....

Oh, what's the point! This movie is so devoid of any meaning, it doesn't really even matter what happens next. Suffice to say that I've seen sick films, violent films, and gruesome films, but I've never seen anything as pointlessly nihilistic as this one. Sartre would be bummed out watching this movie!

Incredibly, Joel & the 'bots managed to make a side-splittingly funny MST300 episode out of this one. Guess it just goes to show you - existential nausea makes for great comedy!


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