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Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine (1965) Poster

Quotes

Craig Gamble: What's a rotten girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

Diane: Why don't we traipse on over to your place and talk about honey child.

Craig Gamble: Honey child, let's traipse.

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D.J. Pevney: Sometimes I suspect that you forget you're a member of Secret Intelligence Command. You're a SIC man.

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Dr. Goldfoot: Igor, you idiot, why must you listen to me when I'm WRONG?

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Dr. Goldfoot: The eyes of Goldfoot are upon you.

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Dr. Goldfoot: You know, Igor, I'm beginning to regret that I brought you back to life.

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[Igor gets clobbered by one of Dr. Goldfoot's female robots]

Igor: I wish I was dead... *again*!

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Diane: Aren't you nice! I declare, there's somethin' about you that makes my little ole heart go flipity-flipity. It's amazin'.

Craig Gamble: And you're amazing. Mind if I sit down?

Diane: Reckon I'd swoon if you would... Mr. Armstrong.

Craig Gamble: No. No, my name is Gamble. Craig Gamble.

Diane: Aw, you're funnin' with me. I just know you're Todd Armstrong.

Craig Gamble: No, I tell you my name is Craig Gamble. I'm with Secret Intelligence Command. What's your name, beautiful?

Diane: Diane.

Craig Gamble: Something in your eye?

Diane: Mmm hmm. Little ol' you. Reckon I'm takin' care of you from now on, sweetie.

Craig Gamble: I've already got a mother.

Diane: Silly boy, not like a mother.

Craig Gamble: A sister?

Diane: Keep talkin'.

Craig Gamble: What else is there?

Diane: You've reached votin' age and you all don't know what else?

Craig Gamble: [Clears his throat] Well, well I...

Diane: How would you like to kiss me? I just adore being kissed. In fact, I'm just insatiable?

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D.J. Pevney: With the whole free world in an uproar, how could you sit in that office mooning over some *babe* you picked up in a cafeteria?

Craig Gamble: I resent you calling her a babe, Uncle Donald. She's a fine, upstanding girl - with character.

D.J. Pevney: You didn't say anything about her character yesterday. All you were talking about was her legs!

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D.J. Pevney: What is your code number?

Craig Gamble: [beaming proudly] Double-O and-a-half.

D.J. Pevney: [mockingly] "Double-O and-a-half." And you fancy yourself as a secret agent... Why, they won't even allow you to carry a gun, until you get a digit instead of a fraction!

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Dr. Goldfoot: Oh, that Number 11. I wish I had 12 of her!

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Craig Gamble: Uncle Donald, well, at least can you give me your opinion?

D.J. Pevney: All right, I will: YOU'RE NUTS!

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Dr. Goldfoot: [to Igor] Stop dinging that dong!

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Dr. Goldfoot: [as he and Igor lead Craig and Todd to the dungeon] The rooms I'm about to show you are the most interesting in my workshop. Oh, incidentally, these are some of my ancestors.

Dr. Goldfoot: [Indicates various portrait paintings on the wall] This was my great-grandfather - the most bloodthirsty pirate who was ever hung, drawn and quartered. And this one brought the terrors of the Inquisition to the peaceful villages of Carpathia - I like him! And this is Sandor the Slob. He was a Slav. He taught Attila the Hun everything he knew. Admirable character - strong family resemblance.

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Dr. Goldfoot: [as Igor is monitoring Diane's activity with Craig on a closed circuit TV screen] Igor!

Igor: Yes, Dr. Goldfoot?

Dr. Goldfoot: You bumbling idiot!

Igor: I did something wrong?

Dr. Goldfoot: "Something wrong?" - you sent her to the wrong man, that's what you did wrong.

Igor: I did?

Dr. Goldfoot: Yes! That's Craig Gamble, and he hasn't got a penny.

Igor: But Dr. Goldfoot, I thought...

Dr. Goldfoot: "You thought" - that's just the trouble. You leave the thinking to me, and we'll be much better off. Ha! Creating a lovely creature like that to waste her... "ammunition" on a, on a *pauper*! Fie on you! You're an idiot!

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Dr. Goldfoot: You know, Igor, I'm beginning to regret that I brought you back to life.

Igor: Why?

Dr. Goldfoot: You're inept. Obtuse. Uncouth. Unlettered. Ungrateful. Uncooperative. Uncouth...

Igor: You said "uncouth," Dr. Goldfoot.

Dr. Goldfoot: ...and unnecessary. But then, that's what I get for... digging up a gravedigger.

[pats Igor on the shoulder, as Igor hangs his head]

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Dr. Goldfoot: Chop-chop!

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Dr. Goldfoot: [Igor has gotten locked in one of the cells in Dr. Goldfoot's dungeon] You know, Igor, by rights I should put this beam through your worthless skull and leave you here to *rot*!

Igor: But Doctor...

Dr. Goldfoot: My empire, everything I've created is in jeopardy.

Igor: Oh, no...

Dr. Goldfoot: Oh, yes. We must stop them before they reach the authorities.

Igor: I'll do my very best!

Dr. Goldfoot: Oh, not *that*.

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Craig Gamble: How would you like a drink?

Diane: But, who needs it?

Craig Gamble: Well, I thought maybe you'd want a drink because...

Diane: Come here, Tiger.

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Diane: Thank heavens you came along, darling. I'm completely flat!

Todd Armstrong: [checks out her gold bikini] I wouldn't say that.

Diane: The tire, dear boy. The tire!

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Diane: When people are nice to me, I'm nice to them, Todd Armstrong.

Todd Armstrong: Todd Armstrong? I...

Diane: Shhh. Don't break the spell.

[kiss]

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Todd Armstrong: Mmm. Whoever you are, honey, I could, I could love you to pieces.

Diane: What took you so long. I knew that the moment I saw you.

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D.J. Pevney: With the whole free world in an uproar, how could you sit in that office mooning over some babe you picked up in a cafeteria?

Craig Gamble: I resent you calling her a babe, Uncle Donald. She's a fine, upstanding girl, with character.

D.J. Pevney: You didn't say anything about her character yesterday. All you were talking about was her legs!

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Craig Gamble: Uncle Donald, this is the real thing!

D.J. Pevney: Your career is the real thing and you're kicking it right in the pants!

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D.J. Pevney: Now, you see all these red flags. Trouble spots. South-Eastern Asia. The Caribbean. The Congo. I'll give you one guess as to who's responsible?

Craig Gamble: Me?

D.J. Pevney: Well, I'm not talking about Mickey Mouse!

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Diane: Are you as happy as I am, lover?

Todd Armstrong: Am I! I am in orbit. Gimme.

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Diane: I won't forget it again, doctor.

Dr. Goldfoot: No. I'm sure you won't, after you've been disciplined in the chair.

Diane: Oh!

Igor: Oh, no, doctor.

Dr. Goldfoot: Oh, yes.

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Craig Gamble: Be careful. She's dangerous, tricky and sexy!

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Dr. Goldfoot: Don't go gentlemen. I'd be offended if you didn't allow me a chance to offer you my hospitality. Oh, my machine. Perhaps that would interest you. Follow me. This is my machine, my bikini machine.

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Dr. Goldfoot: Gentlemen, gentlemen, your wine, your wine. Château Frontenac 1947. Excellent vintage, don't you think? Well, here's to your health! May you still have it tomorrow.

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Craig Gamble: [During Dr. Goldfoot's tour of his dungeon, they run across Annette Funicello in the pillory] It can't be.

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Dr. Goldfoot: I warned you, Mr. Armstrong. Use your time well. You have very little left.

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Todd Armstrong: Craig, you've had a pretty rough week. How would you like a little vacation in Paris?

Craig Gamble: Oh, I don't think I could...

Todd Armstrong: As my guest.

Craig Gamble: Oui! Oui!

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Diane: Coffee, Tea or Loving?

D.J. Pevney: What do you think?

[to Craig and Todd]

D.J. Pevney: Fellas, the minute I saw this little Austrian cookie, it was love at first sight.

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The Supremes: [singing] Dr. Goldfoot and his bikini machine, Dr. Goldfoot- the wildest thing that you'd ever seen, There once was a man with a machine, Dr. Goldfoot and his bikini machine, Whenever he needed a girl on the scene, Dr. Goldfoot and his bikini machine, He'd push a button and just like nothing a girl would appear, A queen - my dear, The cutest girl in the whole wide world and she'd behave, just like a slave. Wooo!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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