Il mostro dell'opera

I was kind of glad when the vampire looked as confused as I did when the dance troupe started an impromptu dance routine in order to keep him away. It didn't look so much like a dance routine than a bunch of people being attacked by invisible bees. I suppose the vampire couldn't really comment on the randomness of this situation as what he was up to didn't make much sense either.

This crap vampire is resident in a creepy theatre due to some sort of curse, and despite repeated warnings from his equally cursed caretaker, a hyperactive dance troupe lead by an idiotic jerk all move in. You know these types, there's the sarcastic cute one, the guy trying to get into his girlfriends tights, the openly gay guy, the really ambitious lesbian who tries it on with everyone, and the leading lady, who of course is the reincarnation of the woman who ended up getting the vampire guy cursed in the first place.

What starts out like a semi-coherent version of vampire film quickly turns mental when the vampire keeps threatening people with a huge pitchfork - but never actually sticking anyone with it. He also does a lot of threatening with his teeth, but I'm pretty sure no one even ended up being bitten! Daftest of all was his coffin that he used to drag people through to another dimension, where he kept a load of vampire women chained up. They never bit anyone either.

No, daftest of all is that the vampire left printed instruction on a painting on how to kill him, and then when they tried to kill him, it looked like he just keeled over of a heart attack. This is the kind of daft crap I signed up for in the first place.

Of course, our dance troupe also through in an improvised 'cleaning' dance sequence at the start too, and the whole thing is rather sensual for such an old film. So if you like to watch a lot of young women dance around in their underwear, this is the film for you. Oh, and this film must win some award for the greatest amount of people startled by a cat!