- Fred Kite: We do not and cannot accept the principle that incompetence justifies dismissal. That is victimisation.
- [Tracepurcel is giving a motivational speech at a works canteen meeting]
- Cynthia Kite: [bored expression] What's 'e on about, Stan?
- Stanley Windrush: Commercial intercourse with foreigners.
- [Cynthia's eyes light up and she chews gum faster]
- [Stanley is sitting on his fork-lift truck]
- Knowles: Come on, Squire. What's the trouble?
- Stanley Windrush: Damn thing won't go.
- Knowles: Oh you've done it now. You forgot to plug in, didn't you?
- Dai: [gleefully] I saw that last night. And when Charlie saw it, he said "There's a bloke who's going to have a flat battery in the morning."
- Stanley Windrush: Well if he saw the plug was out, why the devil didn't he put it in?
- Knowles: Demarcartion, Stan. Not his job. He mustn't go doing work that belongs to other people, must he?
- Stanley Windrush: I thought we workers were all solid together.
- Knowles: Squire, you need educating. He's in a different union. He's in the Amalgamated, we're in the General.
- Stanley Windrush: Well what's the point in having *two* unions?
- Knowles: Blimey. When was you born? How would we go on for wage claims? The Amalgamated gets rise, so the General puts in for one. If the General gets it, then the Amalgamated starts all over again. So it goes on, you see - like leapfrog. Otherwise we wouldn't none of us get a rise, would we?
- Fred Kite: My daughter, Cynthia. She works 'ere, spindle polishing.
- Stanley Windrush: Oh, really? That room you were talking about just now. Perhaps I could pop round and have a look at it.
- Shop Steward: Perhaps you can explain the presence of this new man.
- Major Hitchcock: New man? But he hasn't started yet.
- Shop Steward: Hasn't started yet? Then what's he doing on a f-f-f fork lift truck?
- Bertram Tracepurcel: Mr Chairman, I do think that we all ought to try to deal with each other fairly.
- Stanley Windrush: Don't you fall for that soft soap, Mr Muggeridge. When a deal's fair for Uncle Bertie, you can bet your life it's a wet and windy one for the rest of us.
- Knowles: We haven't had a stoppage like this for ages - not since the week before last.
- Stanley Windrush: I'm terribly sorry about it.
- Knowles: You don't want to be sorry, Squire. Makes a nice little break, doesn't it?
- [talking about Windrush]
- Major Hitchcock: He's a new man. He hasn't got used to the natural rhythm of the other workers.
- Waters: What you call their natural rhythm of work is neither natural, rhythmic, or anything very much to do with work.
- [to the press outside Number 10 Downing Street]
- Minister of Labour: I see great principles at stake here. As Minister of Labour you can be sure that I shall act. You can also be sure that I shall not interfere... That is with those great principles which I deem to be at stake...
- Fred Kite: I see from your particulars you was at college in Oxford. I was up there meself. I was at the Balliol summer school in 1946. Very good toast and preserves they give you at tea time, as you probably know.
- Fred Kite: Me and my colleagues are the Works Committee. Would you mind producing your union card.
- Stanley Windrush: I'm afraid I can't. It's not compulsory, is it?
- Shop Steward: No, it's not compulsory. Only you've *got* to join, see?
- Fred Kite: My politics is a matter between my conscience and the ballot box...
- Stanley Windrush: Your politics - to each according to his needs, from each as little as he can get away with. And no overtime except on Sundays, at double the rate. That's a damn fine way to build a new Jerusalem.
- [in an induction programme at the Detto detergent factory]
- Stanley Windrush: It might interest you to know, Sir, that I have a great aunt who tried Frisko once and she came out in an appalling rash.
- Detto Executive: Is that so? It may interest you to know that my babies' napkins have always been washed in Frisko and that no child has shown a sign of a spot since birth.
- Stanley Windrush: Oh. Of course, my aunt's rash was on her arm.
- Detto Executive: With your approach I see not only no future for you, but no future for us. You'd better go, Mr Windrush. You are not the detergent type.
- Fred Kite: I must ask all those present to retire while I hold a press conference.
- Cynthia Kite: Press conference, huh! Who do you think you are?
- [link=nm0002047]
- Cynthia Kite: .