Tony Randall: Rockwell P. Hunter
Photos
Quotes
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Rock Hunter : Of course, the great thing about television is that it lets you see events live as they happen, like old movies from thirty years ago.
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Rock Hunter : That's right Sweetie, I'm president of Rita Marlowe Productions, Incorporated, but Miss Marlowe is the titular head.
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Tony Randall : Ladies and gentlemen, this break in our motion picture is made out of respect for the TV fans in our audience, who are accustomed to constant interruptions in their programs for messages from sponsors. We want all you TV fans to feel at home, and not forget the thrill you get, watching television on your big, 21-inch screens.
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Violet : What you need is a drink.
Rock Hunter : And how!
Violet : Maybe two drinks! What'll it be?
Rock Hunter : Something simple. A bottle and a straw.
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Rock Hunter : You were my idol. I regarded you as a big man, but you're not a big man. You're just a little... poop of a man. And that's the way the poop poops.
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Rockwell Hunter : I'm not a failure. I'm the largest success there is. I'm an average guy. And all us average guys are successes. We run the works! Not the big guy behind the big desk!
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Henry Rufus : [watching reporters swarm a movie star] What's Rita saying?... Turn on the TV.
Rock Hunter : Which station?
Henry Rufus : Any station! It's like when the president speaks.
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Tony Randall : Will success spoil Rock Hunter? Oh, what will happen? What will happen?
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Rita Marlowe : Where did you learn to use your lips the way you do?
Rock Hunter : I don't know. Might be hereditary. My mother is an accomplished musician. Tuba, trombone, bassoon, oboe. Brass and woodwinds.
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Rock Hunter : These kids are insane. I don't have sideburns!
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[last lines]
Rock Hunter : We've learned that success - is just the art of being happy. And being happy is - well, being happy is just...
Rock Hunter , Rita Marlowe , Henry Rufus , Violet , Jenny Wells , April Hunter , Irving La Salle Jr. : The very living end.
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Rock Hunter : [singing] Stay-Put Lipstick stays put-put, Stay-Put, Stay-Put, Stay-Put, If on your lips you'll only put, Stay-Put, Stay-Put, Stay-Put, You'll kiss-kiss here, You'll kiss-kiss there, Here, there, everywhere, Stay-Put Lipstick stays put-put, Stay-Put, Stay-Put, Stay-Put.
[speaking]
Rock Hunter : You have to imagine it sung by three chickens, Rufe.
Henry Rufus : Singing commercials are dead, Rocky boy.
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Tony Randall : I'm Tony Randall and I'm appearing in this motion picture with a fascinating and beautiful performer. The talented and gorgeous star with a fabulous figure - I beg your pardon
[Jayne Mansfield's name replaces Tony Randall's in the credits]
Tony Randall : There - I think you'll agree her figure is a lot more interesting than mine. That is, if you're interested in that sort of thing.
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Rock Hunter : Hi, Rufe. Must be your fifth tranquilliser by now.
Henry Rufus : Gladys also tell you I drank my lunch? She forgets I eat the olives. That's where the nourishment is.
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Rock Hunter : I did want to talk to you about getting your endorsement.
Rita Marlowe : Now, don't start talking dirty.
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Rock Hunter : I ask you, what is Rita Marlowe famous for?
Jenny Wells : Next question?
Rock Hunter : Stop that! No, she's famous as the girl with the oh-so-kissable lips.
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Henry Rufus : [on the phone to Earl] I'll ask him.
[to Rock]
Henry Rufus : He wants to know Rita's measurements.
Rock Hunter : How would I know?
Henry Rufus : [on the phone Earl] He doesn't know, it was dark. Okay, Earl, he'll appreciate that.
[to Rock]
Henry Rufus : He's sending you a tape measure.
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Rock Hunter : Rufus, if you're going to be a success, be a success. Success, here I come.
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Rock Hunter : Something snapped.
Rita Marlowe : Something snapped? You snapped, and you're not a bad snapper, Dolly. I know. I've probably been snapped at more than any girl in history,
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Rita Marlowe : Would I pick on someone who wasn't the greatest? Ooh!
Rock Hunter : Oh, I wouldn't think so, not with those measurements, but you did.
Rita Marlowe : Don't sell yourself short, Dolly. You know your way around a kiss.
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Rita Marlowe : So when it comes to kissing, I know. Hmm-mm. But you're not so bad, Snapper.
Rock Hunter : Well, thank you very much, Miss Marlowe.
Rita Marlowe : Probably your first time in the big leagues too, hmm?
Rock Hunter : Yes, I guess up to now I've just been a bush leaguer.
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Henry Rufus : This is Miss Carstairs. She's new here.
Miss Carstairs : Good morning, Mr Hunter.
Rock Hunter : Good morning, Miss Carstairs.
Miss Carstairs : [leans in] If you want anything, just call.
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Henry Rufus : Really stacked, that Carstairs dishy, huh?
Rock Hunter : Attractive.
Henry Rufus : She's on the 80 proof side but you're a drinking man.
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Henry Rufus : Take a gandy at this, laddie.
Rock Hunter : The key.
Henry Rufus : Your key to the executive powder room.
Rock Hunter : Wow.
Henry Rufus : You're gonna love that liquid soap. It's imported.
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Rock Hunter : Jenny. I couldn't keep it lit. I tried. I really tried.
