This tale of the absurdist goings-on at a public relations office for the navy in the WWII pacific theater is sort of a downscale "South Pacific." The casting and production values are extremely high, but the movie never aspires to anything more than light (extremely light) entertainment. In this it succeeds quite well. The movie is great to look at, and the comic abilities of Glenn Ford - an underrated actor, in my book - are at their peak. No lasting nourishment here, but a fun flick to see - once. Side note - the movie is another example of the superiority of the color processes employed in the 50's and late 40's over what is commonly used in today's flicks.
11 Reviews
Those Under Appreciated Navy Ad Men
bkoganbing17 October 2008
Don't Go Near The Water is a film about those under-appreciated men of the second World War, those who served way in the rear echelon in the Navy's publicity department. They too, sacrificed and served their country in most unusual ways.
Hero of this piece and perfectly cast because of his gift for dead pan comedy timing is Glenn Ford, playing a Mister Roberts like officer assigned to the unit headed by Fred Clark. Actually Ford's a Roberts in reverse, he's already had his sea duty and now is assigned to this backwater of the war. He and Russ Tamblyn would like to get into action because it is in combat that promotions can be quickly earned. Not to mention they'd like to serve their country.
Now Clark's perfectly content where he is. He was a former advertising man in civilian life, so the Navy publicity unit is a perfect fit for him. He's even got far more leverage in 'disciplining' the men under his command. But he can be played and Ford does so like a piccolo.
Don't Go Near The Water has no real plot except for Ford's yeoman Earl Holliman falling for one of the Navy nurses, Anne Francis, and stealing her away from wolfish officer Jeff Richards. That's a romance that Ford's helping in every way he can despite those no fraternization policies between enlisted men and officers.
The film is a series of comic vignettes as the unit tries to deal with several non-military and military situations like a hero sailor played by Mickey Shaughnessy who can't control his language. I found that extremely true to life because back in those brief days when I was a weekend warrior, I remember those Anglo-Saxon expletives coming out just as frequently as they do from Shaughnessy. Still it won't do to have him on a bond tour with that coming out of him all the time, so Ford has the unenviable duty of cleaning his act up.
Ford's also taking time to romance island school teacher Gia Scala and he enlists her help in blackmailing an obnoxious war correspondent to help with building a new school house with the money he flashes around from his publisher. The correspondent is Keenan Wynn who thinks that Ensign Russ Tamblyn is his personal valet. No wonder Tamblyn wants to get to active duty.
And then there's the glamorous Eva Gabor who is a female correspondent who's been assigned to a forward area to cover the impending battle for Okinawa. As if Admiral Howard Smith hasn't enough troubles. He already has a low opinion of Clark and his outfit as a bunch of goldbrickers.
All in all it's a pretty funny service comedy and holds up well after over 50 years.
Hero of this piece and perfectly cast because of his gift for dead pan comedy timing is Glenn Ford, playing a Mister Roberts like officer assigned to the unit headed by Fred Clark. Actually Ford's a Roberts in reverse, he's already had his sea duty and now is assigned to this backwater of the war. He and Russ Tamblyn would like to get into action because it is in combat that promotions can be quickly earned. Not to mention they'd like to serve their country.
Now Clark's perfectly content where he is. He was a former advertising man in civilian life, so the Navy publicity unit is a perfect fit for him. He's even got far more leverage in 'disciplining' the men under his command. But he can be played and Ford does so like a piccolo.
Don't Go Near The Water has no real plot except for Ford's yeoman Earl Holliman falling for one of the Navy nurses, Anne Francis, and stealing her away from wolfish officer Jeff Richards. That's a romance that Ford's helping in every way he can despite those no fraternization policies between enlisted men and officers.
The film is a series of comic vignettes as the unit tries to deal with several non-military and military situations like a hero sailor played by Mickey Shaughnessy who can't control his language. I found that extremely true to life because back in those brief days when I was a weekend warrior, I remember those Anglo-Saxon expletives coming out just as frequently as they do from Shaughnessy. Still it won't do to have him on a bond tour with that coming out of him all the time, so Ford has the unenviable duty of cleaning his act up.
Ford's also taking time to romance island school teacher Gia Scala and he enlists her help in blackmailing an obnoxious war correspondent to help with building a new school house with the money he flashes around from his publisher. The correspondent is Keenan Wynn who thinks that Ensign Russ Tamblyn is his personal valet. No wonder Tamblyn wants to get to active duty.
And then there's the glamorous Eva Gabor who is a female correspondent who's been assigned to a forward area to cover the impending battle for Okinawa. As if Admiral Howard Smith hasn't enough troubles. He already has a low opinion of Clark and his outfit as a bunch of goldbrickers.
All in all it's a pretty funny service comedy and holds up well after over 50 years.
Television-like service comedy
betsmith612 December 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Another 50s service comedy that seemed like a pilot for a television series. You had the slapstick building of the officers club; the romance between the enlisted man and the nurse officer; the courtship of the native girl and Glenn Ford; the blackmailing of the journalist to repair the new school house; teaching the manufactured hero sailer to clean up his language when going out on Victory bond tours. Reasonabilty well done with a lot of familiar faces. One off-putting scene came towards the end when magazine reporter Eva Gabor sneaks off to experience an island assault. She comes back with her face smudged and cooing about how much she enjoyed the experience and how wonderful it was. I always thought those Pacific landings by Marines and solders were horrific blood baths, particularly if this was supposed to be Okinawa or Iwo Jima. I suppose if it was the first day of the landings, the heaviest fighting might not have begun, but we know that a steady stream of dead and wounded are on the way. There was no mention of casualties in this movie that emphasized the fun side of war.
Pleasant and undemanding
planktonrules18 September 2021
In the 1950s and into the 60s, Glenn Ford carved out a most unusual niche for himself when it came to war movies. With only a few exceptions, the military movies he made during this era were NOT filled with glory and bravery but were mostly comedies...and often involving guys who really weren't among the best the US military had to offer! Think about it...with films like "The Imitation General", "Teahouse of the August Moon", "Cry for Happy", "Advance to the Rear" and "Don't Go Near the Water", Ford had a definite type war film...sort of the comedic anti-war film.
"Don't Go Near the Water" is set on a lovely tropical isle far from the action. Lt. Siegel (Ford) is with the Public Relations Department of the US Navy....and he and his fellow officers are NOT involved in any action, just trying to produce a positive image for the Navy. So, the film doesn't have life and death situations....most romantic and comedic ones.
The story is pleasant and enjoyable and certainly NOT heroic. It makes a nice time-passer and Ford, as usual, is excellent in this role as are the rest. Well worth seeing and my only complaints are minor, such as the sloppy use of some stock footage and post-war markings on an airplane....no big deal at all.
"Don't Go Near the Water" is set on a lovely tropical isle far from the action. Lt. Siegel (Ford) is with the Public Relations Department of the US Navy....and he and his fellow officers are NOT involved in any action, just trying to produce a positive image for the Navy. So, the film doesn't have life and death situations....most romantic and comedic ones.
The story is pleasant and enjoyable and certainly NOT heroic. It makes a nice time-passer and Ford, as usual, is excellent in this role as are the rest. Well worth seeing and my only complaints are minor, such as the sloppy use of some stock footage and post-war markings on an airplane....no big deal at all.
Mickey Shaughnessy shines bright!
JohnHowardReid29 June 2017
Warning: Spoilers
Copyright 1957. A Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer picture. New York opening at the Radio City Music Hall: 14 November 1957. U.K. release: 17 March 1958. Australian release: 23 December 1957. 109 minutes.
SYNOPSIS: Armed only with typewriters and vivid imaginations, public relations men tell the world about the U.S. Navy during WW2. Unfortunately, their plans to present a genuine naval hero to the public hit a snag when they discover he is a foul-mouthed idiot.
NOTES: Despite the best efforts of a talented roster of players, William Brinkley's best-selling autobiography is neither as funny nor as convincing on-screen as it was in print. Partly to blame is the studio's decision to abandon the autobiographical slant of the book and even give Brinkley himself a new name. Another boner was to supply a tepid love interest.
COMMENT: This is the film that catapulted minor character player Mickey Shaughnessy to a brief period of super-stardom opposite such lights as Elvis Presley and Cornel Wilde. Certainly his scenes are by far the funniest and most cleverly handled in the whole movie. The rest of this otherwise mild curry was given another brief dash of spice by Eva Gabor (though not enough to outshine Mr. Shaughnessy). Gia Scala, alas, makes a somewhat colorless heroine. Flat direction from Charles Walters doesn't help either.
SYNOPSIS: Armed only with typewriters and vivid imaginations, public relations men tell the world about the U.S. Navy during WW2. Unfortunately, their plans to present a genuine naval hero to the public hit a snag when they discover he is a foul-mouthed idiot.
NOTES: Despite the best efforts of a talented roster of players, William Brinkley's best-selling autobiography is neither as funny nor as convincing on-screen as it was in print. Partly to blame is the studio's decision to abandon the autobiographical slant of the book and even give Brinkley himself a new name. Another boner was to supply a tepid love interest.
COMMENT: This is the film that catapulted minor character player Mickey Shaughnessy to a brief period of super-stardom opposite such lights as Elvis Presley and Cornel Wilde. Certainly his scenes are by far the funniest and most cleverly handled in the whole movie. The rest of this otherwise mild curry was given another brief dash of spice by Eva Gabor (though not enough to outshine Mr. Shaughnessy). Gia Scala, alas, makes a somewhat colorless heroine. Flat direction from Charles Walters doesn't help either.
Light comedy and romance behind the lines in the WW II South Pacific
SimonJack4 October 2023
Glenn Ford made a few comedies with WW 2 settings - during or after the war. None of these were laugh fests, or hilarious films like "McHale's Navy", or satires like the great "Dr. Strangelove." Of course, anything about the military during wartime that's funny might be looked at as satire by some. But, movies like "Buck Privates" of 1941, with Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were sheer comedy. Besides the madness and mayhem of such films, they no doubt helped to lighten the worries of families who had loved ones serving during World War II.
So, after the seriousness and horrors of war had abated in the post-war years, writers, producers, and others who had served began to muse about some of the things that happened that may have been comical, and some fictional things they might have liked to have happen. Or, they may have suspected were happening in the rear echelons, where brass and shysters were removed from the reality of war. That's what we have, it seems, in this film. "Don't Go Near the water" is adapted from a 1956 novel of the same title by William Brinkley. Brinkley was a naval officer who served in Europe and the Pacific. One might easily guess his field - public relations, and his book may have been more fact than fiction as a comedy.
Well, this was the first of a number of light comedy wartime or military comedies that Glen Ford made, and it's success led to more and a solid career. This has some romance, finger-poking, and light comedy that seemed right for audiences in the late 1950s and early 1960s. That's when people could use a break from the headlines and news about the latest threats in the Cold War.
Ford and the rest of the company here do a good enough job for a film that doesn't have much of a plot. Fred Clark and Keenan Wynn provide a few chuckles. And, Anne Francis, Eva Gabor and Gia Scala provide the non-military distractions for sailors who are otherwise alone on a South Sea island in wartime.
It's a light, feel-good comedy romance of the period that, but for the military situation, would clearly fit the description of fluff today. It was a big hit at the box office, finishing in the top 25 U. S. films for the year. I was a teenager at the time and did enjoy films like this - much more than I find them to be very interesting or good in my golden years of maturity - or aged childhood, as the case may be. This is the least funny and entertaining of the batch of these films that Glenn Ford made.
So, after the seriousness and horrors of war had abated in the post-war years, writers, producers, and others who had served began to muse about some of the things that happened that may have been comical, and some fictional things they might have liked to have happen. Or, they may have suspected were happening in the rear echelons, where brass and shysters were removed from the reality of war. That's what we have, it seems, in this film. "Don't Go Near the water" is adapted from a 1956 novel of the same title by William Brinkley. Brinkley was a naval officer who served in Europe and the Pacific. One might easily guess his field - public relations, and his book may have been more fact than fiction as a comedy.
Well, this was the first of a number of light comedy wartime or military comedies that Glen Ford made, and it's success led to more and a solid career. This has some romance, finger-poking, and light comedy that seemed right for audiences in the late 1950s and early 1960s. That's when people could use a break from the headlines and news about the latest threats in the Cold War.
Ford and the rest of the company here do a good enough job for a film that doesn't have much of a plot. Fred Clark and Keenan Wynn provide a few chuckles. And, Anne Francis, Eva Gabor and Gia Scala provide the non-military distractions for sailors who are otherwise alone on a South Sea island in wartime.
It's a light, feel-good comedy romance of the period that, but for the military situation, would clearly fit the description of fluff today. It was a big hit at the box office, finishing in the top 25 U. S. films for the year. I was a teenager at the time and did enjoy films like this - much more than I find them to be very interesting or good in my golden years of maturity - or aged childhood, as the case may be. This is the least funny and entertaining of the batch of these films that Glenn Ford made.
Hot and Cold
SnoopyStyle27 May 2023
Lt. J. G. Max Siegel (Glenn Ford) works under Lt. Cmdr. Clinton T. Nash (Fred Clark) in a Navy PR office on a South Pacific island far from the war. New local teacher Melora Alba (Gia Scala) attracts the attention of every men.
Scala is an absolute beauty with the slightest of exotic flavor although nowhere near a South Pacific islander. I understand everyman's need to fall head over heels for her. The romance needs to be written better. The romance between Garrett and the nurse is far more compelling and they spend more time on it. There is some fine slapstick with some nice stunts in the clueless construction scene. Glenn Ford is a little too cool for school. The others are throwing their bodies around. The one big laugh is Farragut Jones. That's a great way to do that during this era. It doesn't get much funnier than Hot and Cold. Glenn Ford does a good straight man opposite all that. It's a good light comedy. They should have made this movie all about Glenn Ford dealing with Farragut Jones.
Scala is an absolute beauty with the slightest of exotic flavor although nowhere near a South Pacific islander. I understand everyman's need to fall head over heels for her. The romance needs to be written better. The romance between Garrett and the nurse is far more compelling and they spend more time on it. There is some fine slapstick with some nice stunts in the clueless construction scene. Glenn Ford is a little too cool for school. The others are throwing their bodies around. The one big laugh is Farragut Jones. That's a great way to do that during this era. It doesn't get much funnier than Hot and Cold. Glenn Ford does a good straight man opposite all that. It's a good light comedy. They should have made this movie all about Glenn Ford dealing with Farragut Jones.
Episodic Island Comedy
wes-connors31 December 2013
On a picturesque South Pacific island, during World War II, a US Navy base handles public relations. Unmarried star lieutenant Glenn Ford (as Max Siegel) takes visiting congressmen on a tour. Beautiful native schoolteacher Gia Scala (as Melora Alba) catches his eye. Enlisted sailor Earl Holliman (as Adam Garrett) likes the way pretty perfumed Anne Francis (as Alice Tomlen) "crosses her legs." Laidback young Russ Tamblyn (as Tyson) doesn't like washing teen-spirited sheets for war reporter Keenan Wynn (as Gordon Ripwell). Comic commander Fred Clark (as Clinton "Marblehead" Nash) is in charge. If you stick around, you'll see head-turning Eva Gabor (as Deborah "Debbie" Aldrich and foul-mouthed Mickey Shaughnessy (as Farragut Jones)...
The all-star cast is likable. However, the juvenile romances, snickering innuendo and silly slapstick don't mix well. Best part is a very funny episode involving Mr. Shaughnessy reputedly using what is politely called "The F-word," but you have to wade through much tediousness to get there. The title "Don't Go Near the Water" refers to the fact that the characters play on dry land – well, until we see Ms. Gabor's lacy black underwear. This was based on a novel, which suggests there might have been a more interesting story somewhere. Although Glenn Ford was then too big a movie star to do it, this would have made a fine half-hour situation comedy starring Mr. Ford, Mr. Clark and Mr. Tamblyn, who provide a solid anchor and cover their demographics.
***** Don't Go Near the Water (11/14/57) Charles Walters ~ Glenn Ford, Fred Clark, Russ Tamblyn, Earl Holliman
The all-star cast is likable. However, the juvenile romances, snickering innuendo and silly slapstick don't mix well. Best part is a very funny episode involving Mr. Shaughnessy reputedly using what is politely called "The F-word," but you have to wade through much tediousness to get there. The title "Don't Go Near the Water" refers to the fact that the characters play on dry land – well, until we see Ms. Gabor's lacy black underwear. This was based on a novel, which suggests there might have been a more interesting story somewhere. Although Glenn Ford was then too big a movie star to do it, this would have made a fine half-hour situation comedy starring Mr. Ford, Mr. Clark and Mr. Tamblyn, who provide a solid anchor and cover their demographics.
***** Don't Go Near the Water (11/14/57) Charles Walters ~ Glenn Ford, Fred Clark, Russ Tamblyn, Earl Holliman
The Funniest Service Comedy of WWII; Great Characters, Story
silverscreen88825 June 2005
I rate William Brinkley's beautiful written and only slightly pretentious service comedy "Don't Go Near the Water" as the best satire to come out of WWII. There is nothing lightweight about his attempt here; he is writing from personal knowledge of this group of reporters about the hysteria, professionalism, patriotism, irresponsibility, hijinks and occasional hubris of the press who covered the War in the Pacific Theater-of-Operations. The head of the organization is a refugee from Wall Street, chrome-domed comedy genius Fred Clark, riding herd on a large group of bright, bored and nefarious group of minds who are looking to avoid duty or to do something that will shake up the world. Only two changes were made from the novel by Dorothy Kingsley's brilliant screenplay. One was to alter Max, the central character, from a big unattractive sort to handsome Glenn Ford; the other was to change the character played by Earl Holliman from a big handsome hunk to an ordinary- looking nice guy. One works; the other doesn't. But everything else, in my judgment, works like clockwork in this extremely memorable, funny and thought- filled narrative. Director Charles Walters kept the proceedings going professionally and well. The technical aspects of the movie are both good and usually so good they go unnoticed, because what matters in this story, I claim, is the characters and the actors who bring them to vibrant life. The storyline involved is simple. The correspondents get a Club built; Max handles one Farragut Jones, a foul-mouthed nightmare he helps create, by riding herd on him during personal appearances. He also baits Clark, his boos, and pursues a lovely island girl, played by Gia Scala, while facing five disruptions--an illicit liaison between an enlisted man and an officer, an obnoxious demanding journalist, a lovely female reporter who wants to see the shooting war up close, some visiting VIPs and Clark's interference in the challenge of building the Club which all upsets the dull daily routine of the newshawks. The large able cast is headed by Ford, Clark, Holliman, Anne Francis, A\Mary Wickes, Keenan Wynnn as the journalist, Eva Gabor as the female reporter, Mickey Shaughnessy as Farragut Jones, with Romney Brent as Scala's father, Jack Albertson and Charles Watts as the Representatives, Jeff Richards and Howard Smith. Bronislau Kaper supplied the music; the film produced a hit song. And when the atomic bomb is dropped on Japan, the film achieve a climax at a large bash, and a happy ending for Ford and Scala. The most hilarious and meaningful service comedy of which I have knowledge. its theme is really how men deal with responsibility, and everyone is memorable because the theme is so well- integrated with the War and its events. Kudos to William Brinkley for this absolute gem.
Good Service Conedy
januszlvii5 December 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Glenn Ford is basically playing a James Garner type slick but good hearted character in Lieutenant Max Siegel a Navy Rublic Relations Officer who knows how to get the best of higher ups good Lieutenant Comnander Nash ( Fred Clark) and bad alike Newspaper man Gordon Ripwell ( ( Keenan Wynn). However he meets his match in local girl Melora Alba ( Gia Scala), who he romances, but because she and her father are very conservative, everything must be on her terms. He finally gets her to agree because he gets the Encyclopedia Britannia to help her teach her kids ( she is a school teacher). Another relationship involves Adam Vickers ( Earl Holliman) an enlisted man and Lieutenant Alice Tomlen ( Anne Francis). Of course a relationship between enlisted people and officers are a no no in the military: Naturally, in both cases it is boy meets girl, boy loses girl and boy gets girl back. Spoilers ahead: Believe it or not it is Max who has the tougher job to get the girl back. Why? Nash at the end of the war ( and film) let Alice and Adam be together. Meanwhile, Melora does not want to abandon kids to move to the US with Max. But Max loves her so much, he makes a sacrifice and decides to remain with her and talks about "doing our part with Little Alba's on the island" which her father explained to her is a marriage proposal. When she asks her father's permission, he said "I have not lost a daughter I gained a chess partner" ( Max was a champion chess player at Harvard and overcame her father's objection to Melora dating him because of Max's appreciation of Mr. Alba's chess set and playing him a game);". Again it is a good service comedy 8/10 stars.
In That Era It Worked
artbreyfogle18 April 2020
Ford does his good comedic acting as this humorous tale moves forward behind the enemy lines...Navy PR types are out of war action but lots of old style hijinks happen in all three acts...Fred Clark is excellent as the bumbling CO...Two love interest stories plus funny slapstick give this MGM effort a roadmap to laughter success...And hats off to Shaughnessy as the cursin' sailor with heaps of tats...A good view...
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