Ken Curtis: Festus, Festus Haggen, Brisco, Frank Eaton, Jesse, Kyle Kelly, Phil Jacks, Scout
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams : [Festus offers to buy Doc a beer with a silver dollar that he earned from shoeing horses in episode "Whelan's Men".] Why don't you take that money and invest it in something? Why don't you do that?
Festus Haggen : Invest it in what?
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams : There's wonderful land values outside of Dodge. Now why don't you go out there someplace, look around, and buy yourself a lot?
Festus Haggen : A lot of what?
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams : A lot! A lot of land!
Festus Haggen : Well fiddle, I can't afford to buy a lot of land. You probably could the way you've been a bilking and gouging...
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams : Oh, hush up! I'm trying to help you, for heaven sakes. It don't cost a whole lot to buy a little lot.
Festus Haggen : What do you mean it don't cost a whole lot to buy a little, or a whole lot to buy a lot, what do you mean?
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams : Well, I mean,... a little lot of land!
Festus Haggen : But there ain't no such a thing. A little's a little, and a lot's a lot, there ain't no little lot, or lot of little, don't you see? Now you want that beer or don't you?
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams : No I'm... I'm all worn out.
Festus Haggen : [and as Doc walks away Festus Hollers] If you change your mind me and Newly will be over at the Longbranch having a whole lot of little beers.
[Chuckles and flips his silver dollar]
Festus Haggen : Now I'm buying.
Festus Haggen : Don't you think somebody oughta reckon with him, Matthew?
U.S. Marshal Matt Dillon : What did you say his name was again, Festus?
Festus Haggen : I think its Sinclair... Jack Sinclair.
U.S. Marshal Matt Dillon : He's got no left hand?
Festus Haggen : That's right. Anyways, don't you think somebody ought to go reckon with him?
U.S. Marshal Matt Dillon : No!
Festus Haggen : Why not, Matthew?
U.S. Marshal Matt Dillon : Because it was my bullet that took his hand!