Go West (1940)

Groucho Marx: S. Quentin Quale

Photos 

Quotes 

• S. Quentin Quale : Lulubelle, it's you! I didn't recognize you standing up.

• S. Quentin Quale : Madam why is that baby constantly crying?

  Mother on Stagecoach : He can't stand the jerks in the coach.

• S. Quentin Quale : You love your brother, don't you?

  Joseph Panello : No, but I'm used to him.

• S. Quentin Quale : I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.

• Red Baxter : I don't like your faces.

  S. Quentin Quale : I suppose you think we like 'em.

• S. Quentin Quale : There's only one law in the west: the law of blood and bullets. It's either shoot or be shot. What are we gonna do?

  Joseph Panello : Sue 'em!

• Joseph Panello : My father-a shot the Indians in eighteen forty-two

  S. Quentin Quale : Oh, he should-a shot the stork-a, when the stork-a brought-a you.

• S. Quentin Quale : [dramatically]  Suppose I brought you to my country place at Drooling-on-the-Lapel? What- what would my people say?

  Drunk in Saloon : Burp.

  S. Quentin Quale : Well, they'd phrase it more delicately.

• S. Quentin Quale : Time wounds all heels.

• S. Quentin Quale : Where have I seen your face before?

  Joseph Panello : Right where it is now.

• [as Quale destroys Rusty's first hat] 

  Joseph Panello : Hey whataya do with that hat; that hat cost a lotta money.

  S. Quentin Quale : How much did it cost him?

  Joseph Panello : I dunno; he stole it.

• [Indicating a gag around the train engineer's mouth] 

  S. Quentin Quale : Didya know this is the best gag in the picture?

• S. Quentin Quale : [Obviously intoxicated, commenting on his glass having just been shot in half by Baxter]  Less whiskey next time my glass can't take it.

• Indian : White man talk too much. Make Chief heap mad.

  S. Quentin Quale : White man, red man's friend. White man want to make friends with red brother.

  Joseph Panello : And sister, too.

• Joe Panello : Don't be afraid. If any trouble starts, we'll telephone for help.

  S. Quentin Quale : Telephone? This is 1870. Don Ameche hasn't invented the telephone yet!

• S. Quentin Quale : Now, this is the kind of hat they're wearing this season. This is the 1870 model. It's what they call a pioneer's cap.

  [Put's the Daniel Boone hat, backwards, on 'Rusty'] 

  Joseph Panello : Isn't that tail supposed to be in the back.

  S. Quentin Quale : Not on him. That's genuine beaver.

  Joseph Panello : It's pretty.

  S. Quentin Quale : No, now I'll stroke it. It's still my hat, you know. That'll be ten dollars.

  Joseph Panello : Ten dollars you want for that old beaver?

  S. Quentin Quale : I'm not in business for love, you know. I was in love once and I got the business.

• S. Quentin Quale : Panello, this Indian is no Indian!

  Joseph Panello : If he's no Indian, why is he wearin' a chicken for a hat?

  S. Quentin Quale : Oh, stop it! Trying to pass yourself off as a red man. Why, you can't even speak the language. Let me hear you recite Hiawatha by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

  Indian Chief : Ugh.

  Joseph Panello : That's not it.

  S. Quentin Quale : If it is, they've shortened it since I went to school. And you call yourself a red man.

• S. Quentin Quale : I'll sell Baxter the deed then if you can get your father's consent we'll get married if I can get my wife's consent.

• [Arriving at the RR Station] 

  S. Quentin Quale : Any of you boys got change ah ten cents?

  Porter : No.

  S. Quentin Quale : Well, keep the baggage.

• S. Quentin Quale : There's something corrupt going on around my pants, and I just can't seem to locate it.

• S. Quentin Quale : I give you my solemn word as an embezzler, I'll be back in ten minutes.

• S. Quentin Quale : You know there's a drunk sitting at the first table who looks exactly like you? And one who looks exactly like me. Dull, isn't it?

• S. Quentin Quale : Didn't we meet at Monte Carlo the night you blew your brains out?

• S. Quentin Quale : You must fan the flames of love with the bellows of indifference.

• S. Quentin Quale : Are you insinuating that the white man is not the Indian's friend? Ha! Who swindled you out of Manhattan Island for 24 dollars?

  Joseph Panello : White man.

  S. Quentin Quale : Who turned you into wood and stood you in front of a cigar store?

  Joseph Panello : White man.

  S. Quentin Quale : Who put your head on a nickel and then took the nickel away?

  Joseph Panello : Slot machine.

  S. Quentin Quale : Members of the tribe - I rest my case.

• S. Quentin Quale : This is the last hat of it's kind. The beaver's have stopped making them. They're all out playing football. Ten dollars.

  Joseph Panello : Well, he's a poor boy. He'll give you a dollar. Will you take it?

  S. Quentin Quale : Well, I'll take it but I'm only making a buck on it.

• S. Quentin Quale : Let's go somewhere where we can be alone. Ah, there doesn't seem to be anyone on this couch.

• S. Quentin Quale : Any resemblance between these two characters and living persons is purely accidental.

• S. Quentin Quale : I'm not drunk, but, what's the ceiling doing on the floor?

• S. Quentin Quale : He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth, he'd burn for three days.

• Joseph Panello : See, you got the Chief mad! Let me talk to him.

  S. Quentin Quale : Can you talk Indian?

  Joseph Panello : I was born in Indianapolis!

• S. Quentin Quale : What did he say?

  Joseph Panello : He said, first they're going to give us a fair trial, then they kill us.

• Indian Pete - Halfbreed : Chief like pale face who no talk. You pale face friend. Chief like you too.

  S. Quentin Quale : Red man, you're a white man.

• S. Quentin Quale : [to an Indian squaw]  You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you.

• S. Quentin Quale : [Noticing an attractive Indian girl has got Harpo all excited]  She gave him the Indian sign.

• S. Quentin Quale : [pulls out a necklace]  How would you like a little necklace that formerly belonged to the Czarina of Russia?

  Indian girl : No like. Me want Cadillac sedan.

  S. Quentin Quale : *She's* been off the reservation...

  [tosses necklace away] 

• S. Quentin Quale : [as Harpo and the Indian chief are having a completely unintelligible conversation]  You know, it's stimulating when two giant intellects get together.

• S. Quentin Quale : I'm promoting this deal, not financing it!

• Beecher : How dare you, you meddlesome fool?

  S. Quentin Quale : [Pulls back his jacket, ready to fight]  I heard that! If you weren't smaller than me, I'd flog the daylights out of you!

  Beecher : [Stands up, showing his height]  But I'm bigger than you.

  S. Quentin Quale : Well, that's another reason.

• S. Quentin Quale : [Indicates to an Indian]  Who's that?

  Indian Pete - Halfbreed : Him medicine man.

  S. Quentin Quale : That's a medicine man? Can you imagine taking a teaspoonful of HIM every 3 hours?

• Beecher : In all my long business experience, I've dealt with every important oil firm, and I've never heard of your company.

  S. Quentin Quale : You haven't? Evidently, you don't read the bankruptcy notices.

• S. Quentin Quale : [surrounded by Indians]  Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I don't want a scalp treatment.