Nothing Sacred (1937)
Wally Cook: For good clean fun, there's nothing like a wake.
Hazel Flagg: Oh please, let's not talk shop.
Dr. Enoch Downer: I'll tell you briefly what I think of newspaper men. The hand of God, reaching down into the mire, couldn't elevate one of them to the depths of degradation!
Oliver Stone: I am sitting here, Mr. Cook, toying with the idea of removing your heart... and stuffing it like an olive!
Hazel Flagg: It's kind of startling to be brought to life twice - and each time in Warsaw!
Oliver Stone: Before I finish with that female Dracula, she'll know one thing: that Oliver Stone is worse than radium poisoning four ways from the jack!
Oliver Stone: Pneumonia... It's the finger of God if it's true.
Wally Cook: Listen, my dying swan, this is no time to stop faking! You're gonna have pneumonia and you're gonna have it good!
Wally Cook: You mean to say you stood there and let me beat a defenseless woman?
Oliver Stone: I did, Mr. Cook.
Wally Cook: Where's your sense of chivalry?
Oliver Stone: My chivalry? Aren't you just a trifle confused, Mr. Cook? You hit her!
Wally Cook: That's entirely different! I love her!
Dr. Enoch Downer: [Speaking to Wally Cook] You're a newspaperman. I can smell 'em. I've always been able to smell 'em. Excuse me while I open the window?
Master of Ceremonies: [introducing on stage performer on horseback] Katinka who saved Holland by putting her finger in the dyke. Show them the finger babe.
Katinka: [extends bandaged middle finger to audience]
Dr. Enoch Downer: Hazel! Hazel!
Hazel Flagg: Yes, Enoch? What is it?
Dr. Enoch Downer: Hazel! Hazel! Run for your life! Run for your life! The hotel is flooded!
Wally Cook: I got in touch with Oliver, er, Oliver Stone my editor. He's toe dancing in the street waiting for us.
Hazel Flagg: I hope he's nice like you.
Wally Cook: Well he's got a different quality of charm. He's sort of a cross between a ferris wheel and a werewolf. But with a lovable streak if you care to blast for it.
Dr. Enoch Downer: I brought you something. Raw eggs! Just what you need. the albumin counteracts the alcohol. Suck 'em right down. It'll settle your stomach. Go on! I got a whole dozen.
Hazel Flagg: Is this the way drunks feel?
Dr. Enoch Downer: Hazel, you've got what is known in medicine - as a hangover.
Hazel Flagg: I've got something worst than that. I've got a conscience. Oou!
Dr. Enoch Downer: Keep on suckin' that egg and your conscience will go away.
Wally Cook: [after Hazel kisses him several times] The biggest fire since Rome!
Hazel Flagg: I don't suppose newspaper men marry - as a rule.
Wally Cook: Not after 14 or 15. That's the dangerous age for the journalist. His ideals are not yet formed and he falls easy prey to elderly waitresses.
Wally Cook: I used to love New York when it went ga-ga over some celebrity. It danced in the streets with a neon light around its heart. I'm getting fed up with its trick tears and phony lamentations over you.
Hazel Flagg: Be glad then for me. It makes everything all right in a way. What I mean is, I wouldn't want to feel I was really making all those people suffer.
Oliver Stone: Jumping H. Sebastian. She's double-crossed us!
Hazel Flagg: I hate you!
Wally Cook: You're going to have plenty of reasons to hate me. I'm going to show you cards and spades and lying for the next 50 years. I'm gonna pay you back for every lie you told. I'm gonna flirt and lie and cheat and swindle right through to our golden wedding.
Hazel Flagg: Yeah, yeah. Let me hit you just once.
Hazel Flagg: Oh, let me alone. I wish I really could die. Go someplace by myself and die alone - like an elephant!
Hazel Flagg: [suffering from a hangover] Oh my gosh, there's a sawmill inside my head.
Hazel Flagg: Oh, darling, I'd love to sit with you in here for the rest of my life.
Opening Title Card: THIS IS NEW YORK - Skyscraper Champion of the World... where Slickers and Know-It-Alls peddle gold bricks to each other... and where Truth, crushed to earth rises again more phony than a glass eye...
Oliver Stone: I've been through an inferno. I haven't been able to enter a cafe for the past three weeks, without the band playing "Dixie"!
Wally Cook: New York is gonna lay it's heart at your feet, while the whistles blow, the bands play and the cameras grind.
Master of Ceremonies: Greetings, greetings! My little folks. Tonight there is one among us who adds a bit of unaccustomed drama to our little revel. She sits here, eyes sporting, a face reaved in a lovely smile; drinking in the charm, the glitter, the gay sounds - of life. So drink your wine! Laugh and applaud! While this little doomed child sits saying goodbye to you. Her last goodbye. With a grateful smile on her lips.
Oliver Stone: Read that! Rub your nose in it. That's Hazel Flagg - the biggest fake in the century. A lying, faking witch with the soul of a eel and the brain of a tarantula!
Wally Cook: Listen, Max, ask him what she's sick with.
Max Levinsky: He told me. He said it's something like the DTs, only the dope can't pronounce it.
Oliver Stone: [On the phone trying to locate the doctor] Yes, Dr. Emil Eggelhoffer of Vienna. Well, try the medical center. Try Schultz's Beer Garden!
Wally Cook: Take that ice pack off your head and fight.
Hazel Flagg: No, no. What's the use? Why fool them any longer?
Wally Cook: Because I love you. Because I'm going to marry you and I don't want to spend my honeymoon hanging around Sing Sing blowing kisses to you in the exercise yard! Come on, stop dogging! You've got to be bathed in perspiration!
Oliver Stone: Doctor, I wanna know the worst. I don't want you to spare our feelings... but we go to press in 15 minutes.
Hazel Flagg: Oh, Enoch, why did you let me come to New York? If you were only as honest as you look.
Hazel Flagg: Oh Wallace, don't you think you ought to notify 'em that you located me?
Wally Cook: Oh, the fresh air'll do 'em good.
Oliver Stone: Well, my fine Oriental Potentate, I'm not going to have you arrested. I'm going to put you on the payroll as a janitor!
Ernest Walker: Thank you, sir.
Oliver Stone: And I always want you present in the local room where my reporters and Mr. Wallace Cook can drink you in constantly as a warning against fakes!
Ernest Walker: Yessir. May I ask, a Mr. Cook report any more? I wouldn't like for him to lose his job. He was very nice to me.
Oliver Stone: Mr. Cook is not going to be discharged, your majesty. For his own good and the good of the "Morning Star", I am going to remove him from the land of the living!
[Next scene, Wallace Cook typing at the Obituary Desk]
Dr. Enoch Downer: From New York, huh? You don't happen to know of a newspaper called the "Morning Star"?
Wally Cook: You have the honor, Dr. Downer, of addressing that newspaper's most gifted representative.
Dr. Enoch Downer: Moses in the mountains! You're from the "Morning Star"?
Wally Cook: Are you stewed or something? I came in her for congratulations. What's up? What's eating you?
Oliver Stone: I am sitting here, Mr. Cook, trying to figure some way out of the blackest disaster that has ever struck down an innocent man since the days of Judas Iscariot.
Schoolteacher: Miss Flagg, I represent 100,000 young matrons. We switched a whole study course from the menace of Communism to the inspiration of Hazel Flagg.
Wally Cook: Listen, Oliver, I tell you I'm innocent. I was just as fooled by Old Black Joe as you were. I believed everything he said, just as you did. Now, Oliver, either you cut out these fat-headed monkey shines of yours and let by-gones be by-gones, or I'm walking out of this fish trap right here and now.
Oliver Stone: You're under contract to the "Star" for five more years. You're not in the position to resign. Unless you wish to retire from journalistic efforts over that period.
Wally Cook: Oliver, you're not going to keep me pounding out obituaries for five years?
Oliver Stone: Those are my plans, Mr. Cook.
Wally Cook: [Defeatedly] I could do better in darkest Africa.
Dr. Enoch Downer: You can stop given yourself the heirs of a dying swan. According to this last analysis I made, you ain't a-going to die. Unless you get run over or something.
Hazel Flagg: What?
Dr. Enoch Downer: You heard me. I don't like to chew my cabbage twice.
Hazel Flagg: You mean, you mean I-I-I'm not going to die?
Dr. Enoch Downer: You're fitter than a fiddle!
Hazel Flagg: You know, I don't, which I am: happy or miserable. I-I'm all mixed up.
Wally Cook: [to Hazel] Listen, either you give me your word of honor you won't try that again or I'll spank your little - !
Oliver Stone: Get to the Waldorf Hotel as quick as you can! Grab Hazel Flagg and bring her to this office - if you have to drag her through the street by the hair!
Wally Cook: Come on, baby! Come on, keep moving snake brains! Come on!
Hazel Flagg: I'll kill you! Banging at me like, around like I was a prized pig with a blue ribbon on!