Dog Soldiers (2002)
Quotes
Sergeant Harry Wells: We are now up against live, hostile targets. So, if Little Red Riding Hood should show up with a bazooka and a bad attitude, I expect you to chin the bitch.
[to attacking werewolf]
Spoon: I hope I give you the shits, you fucking wimp.
[Cooper tries to push Wells' intestines back into his stomach]
Sergeant Harry Wells: My guts are out Coop!
Cooper: We'll just put 'em back in then!
Sergeant Harry Wells: They're not gonna fucking fit!
Cooper: Of course they'll fit, man!
Cooper: Werewolves spend most of their time in human form, right? And the only people for miles around live right here.
Spoon: So these things aren't about to give up the fight and go home...
Cooper: They ARE home.
Sgt. Harry Wells: Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I mean, think about it. We bust into their house, we eat all their porridge, we sleep in their fucking beds. No wonder they're pissed.
[Cooper is trying to stitch up Wells's wounds]
Sergeant Harry Wells: Cooper, knock me out. HIT ME.
[Cooper hits him]
Sergeant Harry Wells: I said knock me out, you fuckin' pussy.
[Seeing his own intestines hanging out]
Sergeant Harry Wells: Sausages.
[a la Aliens]
Cooper: Remember - short, controlled bursts.
Cooper: Go on then Bruce, what scares you?
Bruce: The self-destructive nature of the human condition.
Spoon: You're just taking the piss now.
Cooper: What about you, Spoon?
Spoon: Castration.
Cooper: There's no argument there. Joe?
Joe: Only one thing guaranteed to put the shits up me: a penalty shoot-out.
Cooper: Figures. Terry?
Terry: Watching a penalty shoot-out... with Joe.
Bruce: What about you, Coop?
Cooper: Spiders. And women. And... spider-women.
Cooper: [quote is a reference to The Matrix] Where's Spoon?
Sergeant Harry Wells: There is no Spoon.
Wells: If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya. Because we're firing blanks doesn't mean we have to be thinking nice thoughts. So you remember, you keep the fire down, right, you get stuck in and you kick their fucking teeth out, or I guarantee you, Joe, they will be eating your bollocks for breakfast, sunshine.
Terry: Hard-boiled or fried, Sarge?
Wells: Scrambled.
Sergeant Harry Wells: I just didn't make it out this time, that's all. When I signed my life away on that dotted line, I fucking meant it. I am a *professional soldier*.
[Megan is turning into a werewolf due to the full moon]
Megan: It's that time of month.
Sergeant Harry Wells: I am not breaking radio silence just cos' you lot got spooked by a dead flying fucking cow.
[Megan is turning into a werewolf]
Megan: [to Cooper] You may think all women are bitches... but I'm the real thing.
Spoon: So this bloke walks into a pub right, with a little dog under his arm. Puts it down on the bar, goes and sits down. The bar-tender's lookin' at him thinking "what the fuckin' hell's goin' on here?". Then he looks back at the dog, and to his surprise the dog turns around and...
[Dead cow drops into camp]
Cooper: Fuckin' cow.
Spoon: Fuckin' hell.
[Terry fires at it]
Wells: Cease fire, Terry. Cease fire.
Joe: Terry, what the hell are you doin'? You're firing blanks man.
Wells: Is everyone all right? Is everyone OK?
Spoon: Nah, man, I think I've shit meself.
[Homage to 3 Little pigs & The Shining]
Spoon: Little pigs, little pigs, we've come to nick ya video.
[indicating his rapidly healed stomach wound]
Sergeant Harry Wells: You cannot tell me that is fucking normal.
Cooper: Sweeping patrols between each of these bunkers - they'll have the whole sector wrapped tighter than an Eskimo's nad-sac.
[Cooper has just stabbed Ryan with the PURE silver dagger and is pointing his HP Browning at Ryan's forehead]
Cooper: Do you think it's all over? It is now.
[about the werewolves]
Megan: They were always here. I just unlocked the door.
Spoon: [walking upstairs upon first entering the house] Little pigs, Little pigs, we've come to nick your video.
[Joe watching the cow roasting on the fire]
Joe: Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?
Bruce: You are joking aren't you?
Spoon: You fuckin' animal.
Joe: Yea, you're all thinking the same thing aren't you?
Spoon: Mmmm.
Joe: Right lads, how do ya like your steak done?
Wells: You bunch of dirty bloody savages. You lot make me sick. God.
Sergeant Wells: You know the little things that make your skin crawl, and the hair stand up on the back of your neck?
Joe: You mean like Spoon?
Terry: Dogs. More like pussies.
[Wells trapped in the toilet by attacking werewolves]
Cooper: Sarge. Sarge?
Sergeant Harry Wells: I'M IN THE KHAZI.
Cooper: We go together or we don't fuckin' go!
Joe: This is bone. This is so fucking bone.
Cooper: Anything else?
Megan: Yeah. What does 'bone' mean?
Spoon: Bone; Bollocks, naff.
Joe: Not. Very. Good.
Megan: Right. Anything else I should know?
Cooper: Call signs. You need to be specific. Upstairs you've got Sergeant Wells who you seem to know inside and out by now. Over there you've got Spoon, the vomiting cavalier is Terry, and the big guy with the axe is Joe.
Wells: Come on, sunshine, fucking shift it!
Bruce: Christ on a bike!
Megan: Every month, when the moon is full, they hunt as a team. Dedicated to the kill. During that time, at least fifteen people have vanished. Hikers mostly. In small groups or alone. They're caught out in the open, hunted down, torn apart and devoured. I've never witness the actual slaughter, but the next day, no bodies, no werewolves, just blood.
Cooper: Roast their bollocks off.
Sergeant Wells: Natural causes, my arse.
Sergeant Harry Wells: [referring to the possibility that he is now a werewolf] With Ryan it onlt took a couple of hours mate. It's a full moon. I don't know, maybe it's like when you need to take a piss or something, I don't know. When you gotta go, you gotta fucking go.
Cooper: Yea, well maybe it's more like needing a shite. Just cos you need one doesn't mean you drop your kegs and pinch one off. Anyway, fuck Ryan. Shifty bastard could've been one of those things from the start.
[after throwing up and being asked if he is all right]
Terry: I've got a real craving for a kebab.
[Drunk, having been given whiskey as a pain killer]
Sergeant Harry Wells: Absolutely fucking top fucking bollocks!
Sergeant Harry Wells: Shiv the cunt!
Cooper: You all right?
Sergeant Harry Wells: Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm peachy, mate.
Wells: All right, then, time sync. I got zero-seven-thirty coming up in three... two... one... check.
Spoon: Oh, bollocks, I don't believe this.
Wells: What is it now, Witherspoon?
Spoon: Left me watch at the barracks, Sarge.
Wells: Take a breather every once in a while, son, you'll live longer.
Terry: Nice work, Spoon, you tosser.
Joe: Took the words right out of my mouth.
Spoon: And you'll be taking my boot out your mouth in a minute, Joe, you baldy twat.
Sergeant Harry Wells: Now listen up, I wanna make this quick, and to the point, 'cos just like you all I want to do is get home, jump into a warm bed with a nice hot woman and watch the footy.
Sergeant Harry Wells: Probably some joker who didn't want Joe to hear the footy results.
Joe: Laugh? I nearly shat.
Cooper: I'm still not convinced these things didn't just escape from the local nut-house and forget to shave or trim their nails.
Cooper: Well, Ryan, you heard the score. Maybe one or two of us'll make it through this, but I don't care much for our chances. D'you like football?
Ryan: What? "They think it's all over", and all that crap? No I don't.
Cooper: Yeah, well Joe, you remember Joe? He liked football. He fuckin' lived for it.
Ryan: Is this relevant?
Cooper: He missed the most important match of his life for this bullshit exercise, and now he's dead along with two other mates I'd have rightfully given my right arm for. Too fuckin' right it's relevant.
[about to turn into a werewolf]
Ryan: Live and learn, Cooper.
[to Cooper]
Ryan: Then I remembered you. Monkey see, monkey do.
Sergeant Harry Wells: Open your mouth, watch your ears, mind your toes!
[to Ryan who has just unveiled that he had used Wells' unit as bait to capture a werewolf]
Sergeant Harry Wells: [Hits him] They were MY men!
Cooper: Get up you shit. You know what we can do. Give us a fightin' chance!
[after discussing how low they are on ammo]
Megan: Tell me. Honestly, what are our chances?
Cooper: Morale seems good, considering. But that will only last as long as the ammunition holds out. Although high spirits are just no substitute for eight hundred rounds a minute, but I don't think that's what you wanted to hear.
Camper: You were right. This is definitely better than being at work. One thing you didn't warn us about though - bloody midges.
Camper: You big girl's blouse. Anyway, now that you've mentioned work, seeing as I've bullied you to come all the way out here to celebrate the fact... here. Congratulations. No knight should be without his sword.
Camper: [Camper receives Excalibur]
Camper: I don't know what to say.
Camper: What? My writer lost for words?
Camper: It's perfect.
Camper: Yeah, and it's also solid silver, so don't lose it.
[Joe's complaining about the quality of the food]
Joe: I'm sick of this pre-packed dog shite.
Bruce: If it's not one thing, it's another, eh Joe?
Spoon: I know, you're like a bear with a sore head.
Terry: Thanks to Cooper's fancy footwork.
Cooper: Yeah, sorry about that Joe. How's your head doing?
Joe: Still in one piece. Knock on wood.
Joe: Come on then Bruce, man. Lets hear the result on the radio.
Bruce: Why do you keep torturing yourself?
Joe: We might've slaughtered them.
Bruce: Yeah, then again, you might not.
Terry: We all wanna know the results Joe. We just enjoy watching you suffer.
Joe: Laugh. I nearly split my sides.
Spoon: Yeah, well there's no point tearing your hair out about it Joe... oops, sorry mate, too late.
[Throwing various kitchen utensils at attacking werewolf]
Spoon: Yea? Yea? You want some? Here we go. Yea? See if you're fuckin' hard. If you're so fuckin' hard... you throw a punch like a wimp. Fucking bastard. C'mon. C'mon. Bring it on. All right you...
Ryan: Have you ever heard of Special Weapons Division? They're the ones in white coats that train dolphins to stick mines on submarines, and cute furry animals to tear your head off at the neck.
Cooper: When we blow that fuse that place is gonna go up like Zabriskie Point.
Ryan: They tore them to pieces in front of my eyes!
[Wells gives Spoon his watch]
Sergeant Wells: Just cause its nice and new and shiny doesn't mean its worth shit. Now remember I want that back.
Spoon: What about you Sarge?
Sergeant Wells: Well I'll count, wont I?
[Using the flash of a camera to hold back attacking werewolf]
Cooper: Cheese, ya fucker!
Megan: I'm sorry. When I found you out there tonight I truly believed you were the best chance I had of getting out. But now we have no chance. There is no out there never was. I came here to be at one with nature when I got what I wanted... . now I have to live with it.
Cooper: There's no house in the next glen.
Megan: No.
Cooper: And there were no werewolves in the barn when it blew.
Megan: Not one.
Cooper: And the reason you're not in the photograph is because you took it.
Megan: I never meant to..
Cooper: [interrupts her] you women. Same old shit.
Megan: Being nice to women will get you nowhere Cooper. Being nice to me will get you killed. You may think they're all bitches but... I'm the real thing.
[she starts to transform but she painfully represses it]
Megan: Do you think I like being part of this fucked up family? You think I chose to run with the pack? No. I chose you. But now you're out of luck, and I'm out of time, and all we can do is let nature take its course. They were always here. I just unlocked the door. It's that time of the month.
[Werewolves appear behind her, she lifts her face up hissing with her fangs as her eyes glow yellow]
Sergeant Harry Wells: [Wells shoots Megan in the face causing her fall to backwards] Somebody had to put her out of her misery.
Cooper: Just fuckin' leg it.
[after throwing Cooper to the ground]
Ryan: RTU this pathetic piece of shit. Send him back to his squad.
Cooper: New woman, same old shite.
Bruce: Look, I'll tell you what. Get on the radio, bring the Special Forces guys down on our heads, and after they've finished kicking you about, you can ask them what the score was.
Joe: What are ya trying to do? Mildly concern me?
Bruce: It's reality that bites mate, not the creatures from your head.
Megan: I came here to be at one with nature, well I got what I wanted. Now I have to live with it.
[Using a lighter and deodorant bottle as a flame-thrower]
Wells: Yea, get out of it you bastard. How'd you like them tomatoes, you fuckin' bastard?
Megan: Up until today you believed there was a line between myth and reality. Maybe a very fine line sometimes but at least there was a line. Those things out there are REAL. If they're real, what else is real? You know what lives in the shadows now. You may never get another night's sleep as long as you live.
Ryan: There are some places you really shouldn't go.
Ryan: Of course, the real trick to survival lies not in running and hiding, but in removing your enemy's capacity to hunt you down.
Wells: [to Cooper upon failing Special Ops] Listen, the only people who go looking for trouble are Kamikazes, glory boys and full-on fucking fuckwits.
Ryan: We're on a different level here, Cooper. For that, I need men of action, not deeds.
Cooper: We are gonna make it through this. You know why? I don't scare that easy.
Wells: [Cooper is aiding the wounded Wells upstairs to 'patch up' his wound] C'mon, Coop, up the wooden hill.
Sergeant Harry Wells: [drunk] Is it your birthday, Coop?
Cooper: No, mate.
Sergeant Harry Wells: Is it my birthday? Hey, hey!
Wells: [Ryan has just turned into a werewolf and Wells grabs a stick and throws it] Fetch!
Wells: You know, Coop, there's one more thing you gotta learn about command, mate. Sometimes the people that you kill, are your own men.
Ryan: [to Cooper] You just can't get past the dog, can you?
Cooper: [to Ryan] Yeah, I failed, and I'm bloody glad of it. Because given the choice of taking orders from a toffee-nosed twat like you and sluggin' it out with these guys, I'll take the underdogs any time.
Wells: [to Cooper] Listen to me, you have got to make it out alive. It happened. Prove it happened!
Cooper: [in reference to Ryan] If he moves, pan him.
Sergeant Harry Wells: [finishing the 'Eddie Oswald' story] So you could say that Eddie was right, Satan did indeed save his skin, just not all of it. Or you could say that Eddie was just unlucky. Either way, it taught me to keep a very open mind. Boom. Boom.
Megan: There's only one house within 50 miles of here, and it's mine. And I'm not there!
Ryan: What good are you to my team if you can't even kill a dog?
Cooper: I will not kill THAT dog for no reason.
