The Littlest Rebel

I almost believe Shirley could end a war single-handed. Not the entire war, of course, but a few regiments from each side, camped across a creek from each other, going over their plans for tomorrow's battle... but wait! What's that noise? Why, it sounds like singing! And tap dancing! Then from out of nowhere, floating down the creek on a raft is little Shirley herself, singing 'Those Endearing Young Charms' in her prettiest dress, a pink bow in her hair. Hooray! shout the rebs, Hooray! shout the yanks! The generals from each side wade out to meet her and carry little Shirley off on their shoulders to the White House where an oddly blond-bearded Abe Lincoln asks her help in ending the war, reconstructing the south, appeasing the slaves, preventing his own assasination, working things out with Mary, and sobering up Grant. Accomplishing this in less time than it takes to curl her hair, our three-foot heroine bids a tearful farewell to America and sails to Germany, where she charms the baby Kaiser out of starting World War I.