The Fixer Uppers (1935)

Oliver Hardy: Ollie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Stanley : Did you ever have a mother?

  The Drunk : Oh! Now, you hit me.

  Oliver : That's fine. We have one here dedicated to mothers. May I read it to you?

  The Drunk : Read it.

  Oliver : [reading the greeting card]  "Merry Christmas, Mother, Merry Christmas Ma, Hi! Mommy Mommy, And a Hot-Cha-Cha"

  The Drunk : A beautiful thought.

• Oliver : [Stan hangs up the phone]  Who was it?

  Stanley : Oh, some fella havin' a joke.

  Oliver : Well, what'd he say?

  Stanley : Well, I said hello and the fella said its a long distance from Atlanta, Georgia. And I said, it sure is. Silliest thing I ever heard.

• Oliver : Now, you're right up our alley! We have a number here which I think is one of Stanley's tenderest thoughts. Now, just listen to this: "A merry Christmas, husband/ Happy New Year's nigh!/ I wish you Easter greetings/ Hooray for the Fourth of July!" Now, we call that our "four-in-one" card.

  Stanley : Yes, Ma'am. You can use it all the year 'round.

  Mrs. Pierre Gustave : No, thanks. I'm still not interested.

• Oliver : Tell me again what happened to the fella that made love to the wife.

  Stanley : Well, when the husband found out that the other fella was jealous, he took - he took him in his arms and then he - he gave his wife a lot of money and then he kissed the other fella because he made him jealous and they went out and then - they all lived happily ever after.

• Oliver : [waiter comes to the table]  Two beers.

  Waiter at Café des Artistes : What'll you have?

  Stanley : I'll have two beers, too.

  Oliver : [to the waiter]  Just *two* beers.

• Mrs. Pierre Gustave : If my husband saw you kissing me, like he kissed me the first time we met, I'm sure that would make him jealous.

  Oliver : Well how did he kiss you?

  Mrs. Pierre Gustave : I'll show you.

  [demonstrates on Stan] 

  Mrs. Pierre Gustave : He had his arms around me, like that. And I put my arms around him, like this. We pressed *tightly* together. Then, his lips met mine.

  [long, long, long kiss, Ollie checks his watch, Stan passes out] 

  Mrs. Pierre Gustave : Now, when you hear my husband coming, that's all you have to do.

  [Stan moves in to Mrs. Gustave and gives her another kiss, she passes out] 

  Oliver : Now look what you've done!

  Stanley : Well, she started it.

• Oliver : Haven't you done enough to me?

  Stanley : I couldn't help it.

• Oliver : Isn't it bad enough that I'm going to be shot at midnight, without you making my last few hours miserable!

  Stanley : You know what? If you don't show up tonight, he won't be able to shoot you.

  Oliver : Didn't you hear him say that he'd track me to the end of the earth?

  Stanley : Oh, he's full of baloney. You're just the same sometimes.

• Pierre Gustave : What are you doing here?

  Oliver : Well, you told me to be here at 12 o'clock.

  Pierre Gustave : What? Not in my wife's bed!

  Oliver : Well, I got tired of waiting.

• Oliver : Now, listen to me, you cheap little brush pusher.

• Oliver : [sarcastically to Stanley]  Well, you put me in a nice spot, didn't you. What a nice little fixer upper you are.

• Stanley : Say, you better call him up and tell him you won't be there. He might have something else to do.

  Oliver : That's a good idea. And I'll also give him a piece of my mind. He can't trifle with a Hardy!