The Merry Widow (1934)
Danilo: I'm a soldier. I'm an officer. My duty is to fight! I'm willing to die on every battlefield. But I'm not going to drink another cup of coffee!
King Achmet: So they're blaming me, huh?
Valet: For everything. They're even telling jokes about your majesty.
King Achmet: Are they funny?
King Achmet: That's bad.
Sonia: Madame Minushka!
Madame Minushka: Yes, Madame.
Sonia: My new dress!
Madame Minushka: Yes, Madame.
Sonia: Get everything ready. We're going to Paris! Tomorrow. Tomorrow morning. As soon as possible.
Madame Minushka: Yes, Madame.
Sonia: There's a limit to every widow.
Captain Danilo: You're the freshest Fifi I've ever met.
Sonia: [pretending to be a Maxim Girl] But a nice Fifi.
Captain Danilo: How nice?
Sonia: Not too nice.
Captain Danilo: Your right eye says yes, and your left eye says no. Fifi, you're cock-eyed!
Sonia: Quite right!
Ambassador Popoff: Adamovitch.
Adamovitch: Yes, your excellency?
Ambassador Popoff: Go to my bedroom. In the cabinet, behind his majesty's picture, is a little brown bottle of poison... Throw it away. It's a protective measure.
[Presenting a dog to the courtroom]
Prosecuting Attorney: Exhibit 2, please. Now, generals of the jury, I will prove with this exhibit...
Defense Attorney: Your honor, I object! I object to having this witness called an exhibit!
Prosecuting Attorney: She IS an exhibit!
Defense Attorney: He's a witness!
Prosecuting Attorney: She is not!
Defense Attorney: He is!
Judge: Objection sustained. From now on, the prosecution will refer to Exhibit #2 as Witness #1.
King Achmet: Now tell me, if you weren't married... if you weren't my wife, could you fall for Gabrielovitsch?
Queen Dolores: If I weren't married... if I had it to do over again, and had the choice between you and Gabrielovitsch? Frankly, I'd take you.
[King Achmet laughs contentedly]
Queen Dolores: That shows you what I think of Gabrielovitsch.
Queen Dolores: Put Gabrielovitsch and Sienkovitsch together, and what have you got? Gabrielovitsch and Sienkovitsch.
Sonia: [sitting at a dance hall table, Danilo has very reluctantly let go of Sonia's hand] Now you're acting like a gentleman.
Sonia: Please give me back my shoe.
Count Danilo: [singing] Though our country will never make war, We've a reason that's worth marching for, Not for battle our banner unfurls, But for girls! Girls! Girls! Girls! Girls!
Count Danilo: Do you know I've been feeding your dog with the finest imported salami, just to get a quiet glimpse of you?
Sonia: Take off my veil?
Count Danilo: Yes!
Sonia: I'd do it in a minute if there were any reason for it or the slightest temptation. But, there isn't.
Count Danilo: Maybe you can't see me very well?
Sonia: Oh, yes! In fact, too well. I'll admit you're very funny; but, not terrific. Not even colossal.
Count Danilo: Madame, I want you to understand, once and for all, our romance is over! Don't count on me any further. I tried to bring a little moonlight into your life; but, you pulled down the shade! All right, forget me, if you can! Go back to your solitude. Put on your loviest negligee and wish yourself good night. And please, don't include me even in your dreams!
Sonia: [singing] It was all just a fleeting dream, Men are not - not what they seem...
King Achmet: What do you hear?
Valet: Well, you see, Your Majesty, after all, we are a sheep and cow country.
King Achmet: Well, who's complaining, now?
Valet: The shepherds.
Valet: If conditions don't improve, the shepherds are going to organize. They say there's already some talk of a black sheep movement.
King Achmet: Were they prominent shepherds?
Valet: A couple of Eastside shepherds.
King Achmet: Intellectuals?
King Achmet: Ah, let them talk!
King Achmet: Please don't bother me! It's enough to have a widow in Paris to worry about, without having a Queen in bed nagging me!
Queen Dolores: Widow! Widow! That's all I hear. A King worrying about at widow.
King Achmet: Not a widow - the widow! The richest widow in the world!
Queen Dolores: In Europe.
King Achmet: Well, anyhow, she owns more than half of Marshovia. Do you realize that she's in every cow in the country for 52%?
King Achmet: [after finding his wife, the Queen, and the Count in a compromising position] Now, let's keep this a scandal between you and you and me. This must be kept out of hearsay. Not a soul must know!
Queen Dolores: Nobody! I swear. Not a soul!
Count Danilo: We were planning not even to tell Your Majesty. Isn't that right?
Queen Dolores: Mmm-hmm.
King Achmet: No, no, Dolores, that's not right. You know well enough I have to go down in history as Achmet the Great. And how do you cooperate? Falling in love with the Captain of the Guard. No. That's hitting below the crown.
King Achmet: Ever been to Paris?
Danilo: Oh, I spend all my holidays there, Your Majesty.
King Achmet: Oh, so you know Paris?
Danilo: Do you want some addresses, Your Majesty?
King Achmet: No, no. I'm a married man.
King Achmet: Now, listen, my good fellow, you will leave tomorrow for Paris.
Count Danilo: Oh, thank you, Your Majesty!
King Achmet: On a secret mission that's right up your Boulevard.
Count Danilo: Oh, please, Your Majesty.
King Achmet: How is your French?
Count Danilo: Terrific!
Count Danilo: [singing] I'm going to Maxim's, Where all the girls are dreams, Each kiss goes on the wine list, And mine is quite a fine list, Lolo, Dodo, Juju, Cloclo, Mango, Crucru, We promise to be faithful, Until the night is through.
Count Danilo: [singing] I'll stay up at Maxim's, Until the morning beams, When I am feeling so good, Be sure I'm out for no good...
Ambassador Popoff: Did you say something?
Count Danilo: No.
Ambassador Popoff: Well, you better not.
Ambassador Popoff: Tomorrow night the Embassy is giving a big reception in her honor.
Count Danilo: Does she still wear a veil?
Ambassador Popoff: No, no, no, no!
Count Danilo: Is she beautiful?
Ambassador Popoff: She owns 52% of Marshovia. So, she *is* beautiful. If you like her or not, you love her! This is cold blooded patriotism.
Ambassador Popoff: These are the plans for tomorrow night. Before you arrive she must have a very dull time; so that you can shine, by contrast. Therefore, for the first half hour, I will entertain her, personally. After listening to me for 15 minutes, she will be completely bored. Then, we dance. After 5 minutes, dancing with me, widow needs fresh air. Exit to garden. And now, now she gets the big thrill. I leave her. She's alone, in the garden. It will be a moonlit night. I'll see to that. I mean, it'll look like it. And the next thing, you come over the garden wall.
Count Danilo: [singing] Let us gaze in the wine while it's wet, Let's do things that we'll live to regret, Let me dance till the restaurant whirls, With the girls! Girls! Girls! Girls! Girls! When there's wine and there's women and song, It is wrong not to do something wrong! When you do something wrong, You must do something right, And I'm doing all right tonight!
Count Danilo: You're charming, fascinating, delight - stop kicking me.
Sonia: [pretending to be Fifi, a Maxim Girl] Stop pinching me.
Count Danilo: Girls who sit at my table don't flirt with other men. Understand?
Sonia: [pretending to be Fifi, a Maxim Girl] I'm not your slave! After all, we're living in 1885.
The Turk's Maxim Girl: Danilo!
Turk: Stay here or I kill you. I don't like him! I once had a wonderful harem.
Count Danilo: [holding her shoe] May I put it on?
Sonia: [pretending to be Fifi, a Maxim Girl] Please.
Sonia: [pretending to be Fifi, a Maxim Girl, admiring a painting of Napoleon] Great man. His only mistake was he attacked too early. That's how he lost Waterloo.
Count Danilo: Oh, now, listen, I don't matter if your teasing. I rather enjoy it sometimes. But, this is absolutely demoralizing!
Sonia: [pretending to be Fifi, a Maxim Girl] Do you love me?
Count Danilo: Forever.
Sonia: How long is forever with you?
Sonia: [pretending to be Fifi, a Maxim Girl] You like Maxim Girls best, don't you?
Count Danilo: Of course, I do. Where in all the world can you find your so beautiful, so charming, who can dance like you girls, who can smile like you?
Count Danilo: Ah, you're wonderful! And let me tell you something, Fifi, stay just what you are. Have you ever met a Society Woman?
Count Danilo: Well, you haven't missed a thing.
Sonia: You don't like Ladies?
Count Danilo: Oh, yes! Yes, I like them. They are nice; but, they take life too seriously. They can't enjoy it without bothering about tomorrow.
Count Danilo: May I ask you who you are?
Sonia: Just one of those women that asks you silly questions - and then you have to lie.
Count Danilo: Now, listen Fifi.
Sonia: [pretending to be Fifi, a Maxim Girl] Fifi. That's all you really want. That's what every woman is to you. Fifi!
Sonia: You great lover.
Count Danilo: Oh, please.
Sonia: Oh, you don't even know what love is.
Sonia: Girls, the gentleman wants to be entertained.
Sonia: Here they are. All your little tonights. And not a tomorrow among them.
Sonia: [singing] I find that many men say, Widows are charmed, Widows are gay, And if the poor ones, Should be rich ones, We are much more, attractive that way...
Orderly Mishka: Captain Danilo left last night and he hasn't come back.
Ambassador Popoff: Oh! What will I do? What will I do?
Orderly Mishka: If you don't mind, sir, I still say, forgive her. She loves you.
Ambassador Popoff: I'm not married! I'm not looking for my wife! I am looking for Captain Danilo!
Count Danilo: [drunkenly] No! No, no, no, no. I'm not going to make love to that widow.
Marcelle: Can you imagine ordering someone to make love?
Count Danilo: Yesterday, I fell in love with a girl. Madly! But she disappeared! And you, Madame, are the only one in the world who can help me find her. Her name is - Fifi.
Sonia: Fifi is no more. You killed her. After she left you last night, she came home an committed suicide. She jumped into a cold bath and you'd be surprised, Captain, what cold water can do.
Count Danilo: What did you come to Maxim's for anyway? - - Oh, I see. Just a rich woman looking for a thrill.
Sonia: [singing] How wonderful a moment for a gay time, This is Paris and its playtime...
Count Danilo: I'm guilty. Guilty of treason, failing in duty, of everything you want. But, most of all, I'm guilty of being a fool. Once in my life, I lost both my heart and my head. Therefore, I should be punished. Without mercy! Let my fate be a warning to every man.
King Achmet: The plan can't fail. They can't get out. That's what they're in for. Now, put ourselves in their place. We both had a quarrel and now we're locked in. At first, we don't talk at all. Then, I tell you what I think of you. And then you tell me what you think of me.
Ambassador Popoff: Oh, no. No, Your Majesty. No. I wouldn't dare.
King Achmet: Oh, that's right. Well, anyhow, we're in the cell. We can't quarrel all night. And as time passes I begin to realize that after all you are a woman. And above all...
Ambassador Popoff: I begin to realize that you are a man.
King Achmet: Right! And still more, you are a gorgeous woman! And as for me...
Ambassador Popoff: You're wonderful, Your Majesty!
Count Danilo: Let's calm down! Let's keep cool. I have it! Let's fool them. Let's not fall for each other. That should be easy.
Count Danilo: Why should two people who hate each other...
Sonia: Love each other!
Count Danilo: Right!