The Aristocats (1970)
Quotes
Marie: Ladies don't start fights, but they can finish them!
Napoleon: Lafayette! Lafayette, listen.
Lafayette: Oh, shucks, Napoleon. That ain't nothin' more but a little ol' cricket bug.
Napoleon: It's squeaky shoes approachin'.
Lafayette: Oh, cricket bugs don't wear shoes.
Napoleon: Hush your mouth! Let's see. They're Oxford shoes, size nine and a half. Hole in the left sole, it sounds like.
Lafayette: What color are they?
Napoleon: Why, they're black... Ah, now how would I know that?
Napoleon: It's a motorcycle. Two cylinder. Chain drive. One squeaky wheel, on the front, it sounds like. Now you go for the tires, and I'll go right for the seat of the problem.
Lafayette: How come you always grab the tender part for yourself?
Napoleon: 'Cause I outrank you, that's why. Now, stop beatin' your gums and sound the attack.
[Lafayette barks]
Napoleon: No, that's mess call.
Lafayette: Made a mess of it, huh?
Napoleon: You can be replaced, you know.
Thomas O'Malley: Why, your eyes are like sapphires sparkling so bright. They make the morning radiant and light.
Marie: How romantic.
Berlioz the Kitten: Sissy stuff.
Duchess: Oh, c'est très jolie, monsieur. Very poetic. But it is not quite Shakespeare.
Thomas O'Malley: 'Course not. That's pure O'Malley, baby. Right off the cuff. Yeah. I got a million of 'em.
Marie: Me first! Me first!
Toulouse the Orange Kitten: Why should you be first?
Marie: Because I'm a lady. That's why.
Toulouse the Orange Kitten: Oh, you're not a lady.
Berlioz the Kitten: You're nothing but a sister!
Uncle Waldo: It's outrageous! Why, you won't believe what they tried to do to your poor Uncle Waldo. Look! Look at this!
[reading from menu of Le Petit Cafe]
Uncle Waldo: "Prime Country Goose A la Provencale, stuffed with chestnuts"...? "And basted in white wine." Hic!
Thomas O'Malley: Basted? He's been marinated in it.
Uncle Waldo: Dreadful! Being British, I would've preferred sherry.
Abigail: Your husband is very charming and very handsome.
Thomas O'Malley: Well, you see, I'm not exactly her husband.
Amelia: Exactly? Either you are or you're not.
Thomas O'Malley: All right. I'm not.
Amelia: He's scandalous.
Abigail: Nothing but a cat.
Amelia: He's absolutely positively a reprobate.
Abigail: A roue.
Amelia: His eyes are too close together.
Abigail: Very shifty, too.
Amelia: And look at his crooked smile!
Abigail: His chin is very weak, too.
Amelia: Obviously a philanderer who triffles with unsuspecting women's hearts.
Marie: How romantic.
Scat Cat: What's a little swinger like you doing on our side of town?
Roquefort the Mouse: Please! I was sent for help, by a cat.
Scat Cat: Why that's outrageous! It's crazy!
[cats laugh]
Roquefort the Mouse: But honest! He said just to mention his name.
Russian Cat: So, start mentioning name, rodent.
Roquefort the Mouse: Now, don't rush me, fellas. His name is... O'Toole.
Scat Cat: I don't dig him. Strike one.
Roquefort the Mouse: O'Brian?
Scat Cat: Strike two.
Roquefort the Mouse: Oh boy... You believe me, don't you?
English Cat: Keep talkin', Mousey.
Roquefort the Mouse: How about... O'... Grady?
Scat Cat: [reveals a claw] Mousey, you've just struck out.
[Holds it close to him]
Scat Cat: Any last words?
Roquefort the Mouse: [looks terrified, then frustrated] Oh, why did I ever listen to that O'Malley cat?
Scat Cat: O'Malley?
English Cat, Italian Cat: O'Malley?
Russian Cat: O'Malley?
Scat Cat: Hold it, cats! This little guy's on the level.
Roquefort the Mouse: You're darn tootin' I'm on the level!
Italian Cat: We didn't mean-a to ruff-a ya, squeaky!
Roquefort the Mouse: Don't worry about me, O'Malley needs help, Duchess and the kittens are in trouble!
[All the cats then start running out of the alley]
Scat Cat: Come on, cats! We gotta split!
Amelia Gabble: I am Amelia Gabble. And this is my sister.
Abigail Gabble: Abigail Gabble.
Amelia Gabble: We're twin sisters.
Abigail Gabble: In fact, you could say we're related.
Duchess: Thomas, this is Amelia and Abigail Gabble.
Thomas O'Malley: Yeah, honey. Get those two web-footed lifeguards out of here.
Duchess: Now, now, Thomas.
Thomas O'Malley: Okay. Okay, baby.
[to the geese]
Thomas O'Malley: Hiya, chicks.
[Abigail and Amelia Gabble laugh]
Abigail Gabble: We're not chickens. We're geese.
Thomas O'Malley: [sarcastically] No. I thought you were swans.
Napoleon: [listening] You're not gonna believe this, but it's a one wheel hay stack!
Thomas O'Malley: You know something? I like Uncle Waldo.
Duchess: [laughs] Especially when he's marinated.
Berlioz the Kitten: We were just practicing biting and clawing.
Duchess: Aristocats do not practice biting and clawing, and things like that. It's just horrible.
Toulouse: But someday, we might meet a tough alley cat.
[Berlioz has been scared by a frog]
Duchess: Oh, darling. That's only a little frog, my love.
Berlioz the Kitten: But he had a mouth like a "hippolotamus."
Abigail Gabble: Amelia, if I walk any further, I'll get flat feet.
Amelia Gabble: Abigail, we were born with flat feet.
Scat Cat: [singing] Everybody wants to be a cat / Because a cat's the only cat who knows where it's at.
Thomas O'Malley: Tell me! Everyone is picking up on that feline beat / 'Cause everything else is obsolete.
Scat Cat: Strictly high-buttoned shoes.
Marie: [Sitting on the piano] I'm ready, Maestro.
[Berlioz slides on the keys, and Marie's tail is pinched]
Marie: Ow! Mama, he did it again!
Berlioz the Kitten: Tattletale.
Duchess: Monsieur O'Malley, you could have lost your life.
Thomas O'Malley: So I have a few to spare. Nothing.
[Edgar is listening in on Madame discussing her will]
Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: As you know, I have no living relatives, and I want my cats to be well taken care of. And who can do that better than my faithful servant, Edgar?
Georges Hautecourt: Edgar? Adelaide, you mean you're giving your vast fortune to Edgar?All your stocks and bonds, this-this mansion, your country chateau, your jewels and gems...?
Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: No, no, no, George. To my cats.
Georges Hautecourt: To your cats?
Edgar: [gasping] Cats?
Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Yes. I just wish for the cats to inherit first. Then at the end of their life span, the entire estate reverts to Edgar.
Edgar: Cats inherit first, and I come after the cats! After I... oh. It's not fair!
[Stands up, hits head on intercom]
Edgar: Ooh! I mean, each cat will live about twelve years, I can't wait... and each cat has nine lives! That's four times twelve, times nine... No, it's less than that. Anyway, that's more than I'll ever live. I'll be gone! No, oh, no. They'll be gone. I'll think of a way. After all, there are millions of reasons why I should. All of them dollars. Millions. Those cats have got to go!
Scat Cat: Here you go, small fry. Blow it.
[Berlioz blows hard on a trumpet playing a very sour note]
Chinese Cat: Boy, he blew it!
[chuckles]
Italian Cat: But he was close.
Thomas O'Malley: That's quite a family. Come to think of it, O'Malley, you're not a cat, you're a rat. Right? Right.
Abigail Gabble: [instructing the cats on how to walk] Now, think goose.
Georges Hautecourt: Come on, Edgar. Last one upstairs is a nincompoop.
Edgar: Could we take the elevator this time, sir?
Georges Hautecourt: That birdcage? Poppycock! Elevators are for old people. Whoops!
[Hautecourt almost falls back, Edgar catches him]
Edgar: May I give you a hand, sir?
Georges Hautecourt: You wouldn't have an extra foot, would you, Edgar?
Thomas O'Malley: Boy! Your eyes *are* like sapphires.
Georges Hautecourt: [Trips and almost falls] Whoops! Not as spry as I was when I was eighty.
Uncle Waldo: Now, girls, don't go shooshing your old Uncle Waldo! Why, you'll wake up the whole neighborhood!
[shouts]
Uncle Waldo: Whoopee!
[Berlioz compares an unsightly painting to Edgar and laughs]
Duchess: Now, Berlioz, that is not kind. You know Edgar is so fond of us, and takes very good care of us.
[Cut to Edgar emptying a bottle of sleeping pills into the cats' milk while singing to himself]
Roquefort the Mouse: [breathlessly] Duchess... kittens... in trouble. Butler did it.
Thomas O'Malley: Duchess and kittens in trouble? There's no time to lose! You go and get Scat Cat and his gang of alley cats.
Roquefort the Mouse: [nods and starts to head off, then realises what O'Malley has said] A-alley cats? But I'm a mouse!
Thomas O'Malley: First, to make the magic begin, you wiggle your nose, and you tickle your chin. Now close your eyes, and cross your heart, and presto! - breakfast, à la carte.
Thomas O'Malley: Aloha, auf Wiedersehen, bon soir, sayonara, and all those good bye things, baby.
Uncle Waldo: Birds of a feather must *hic* together!
Edgar: [his last words] You're going to Timbuktu if it's the last thing I do.
O'Malley: Humans don't really worry too much about their pets.
Chinese Cat: Oh boy, fellas! Let's rock the joint!
Russian Cat: Ha, ha! Groovy cats!
Toulouse the Orange Kitten: I told you it was Edgar.
Berlioz the Kitten: Aw, shut up, Toulouse.
Marie: [sings] Do mi so do...
[she notices that Berlioz is now playing the piano with all four paws]
Chinese Cat: Shang-hai Hong Kong egg fu yung! Fortune cookie always wrong!
Edgar: [singing while spiking the cats' milk with sleeping pills] Rock-a-bye kitties, bye-bye you go. La-la-la-la, and I'm in the dough!
Roquefort the Mouse: [hit by a champagne cork that went flying out of Edgar's bottle] Oh... He got me.
[first lines]
Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Marie, my little one, you're going to be as beautiful as your mother. Isn't she, Duchess?
[as Duchess meows and hugs her and offscreen Toulouse climbs on Edgar's hat]
Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Careful, Toulouse! Oh Ho Ho! You're making it very difficult for Edgar. Ha ha!
Butler: Whoa, Frou-Frou, whoa. Steady, girl.
[he hops out of his wagon and holds her hand]
Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Thank you, Edgar.
[she neighs and looks at her]
Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh. Of course, Frou-Frou, I almost forgot.
[she give her carrots and ate it]
Butler: Madame, uh... May I take your parcel, Madame? It really is much too heavy for you, Madame.
Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Now, tut-tut, Edgar. Don't fuss over me.
Chinese Cat: Shanghai, Hong Kong, Egg foo young / Fortune cookie always wrong. Oh, that a hot one!
Frou-Frou: Oh, Roquefort, I've been so worried about you. Did you have any luck at all?
Roquefort the Mouse: Not a sign of them, Frou-Frou, and I've searched all night.
Frou-Frou: I know. And poor Madame didn't sleep a wink either.
Roquefort the Mouse: Oh, it's a sad day for all of us.
[they heard a hum and looks at Edgar holding a bucket]
Edgar: Morning, Frou-Frou, my pretty steed.
Edgar: [whispers to her ear] Can you keep a secret? Hmm?
Edgar: Of course you can.
[chuckles]
Edgar: I've some news straight from the horse's mouth, if you'll pardon the expression, of course.
[holds the newspaper to her]
Edgar: Look, Frou-Frou. I've made the headlines. " Mysterious Cat-napper Abducts Family of Cats."
Edgar: [chuckles] Aren't you proud of me?
Roquefort the Mouse: [whispers to Frou-Frou's ear] So... he's the cat-napper!
Edgar: The police say it was a professional, masterful job. The work of a genius. Not bad, eh, Frou-Frou old girl?
[slaps at frou-Frou and lets out a loud whinny]
Edgar: h, they won't find a clue to implicate me. Not one single clue at all. Why, I'll, I'll eat my hat if they...
Edgar: [shocked] My hat! My umbrella! Oh! Oh, gracious! I've got to get those things back tonight.
[walks away and leaving them behind and Roquefort was spitting some corn]
Roquefort the Mouse: Why that... sneaky, crooked... , no good... butler!
