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- A rising hard-core rapper moves from the East Coast to Los Angeles with his entourage.
- Additional scenes from 'Scary Movie'
- An attempted revival of the classic 1990s sketch comedy show.
- Michael writes a script for getting to the hospital when the baby is coming and the family rehearses so much that they don't believe it when it is really time.
- During Family Night, Jay suggests they play a game called "What Do You Know?" where the men and women take sides and answer personal questions about their spouses; but the men get every question wrong and Michael especially winds up in the doghouse for saying Jay's dress size is 16 instead of 6.
- Jr. restores his prized 1964 Impala, but then he and Vanessa surprise everyone when they decide to sell it in order to have money for their new baby. Meanwhile, Franklin seeks advice from Michael on how to act more like a normal kid.
- It's Jay's college graduation day and Michael is determined to make it go flawlessly - but everything that could go wrong does, and the day seems destined for disaster. To make matters worse, Jay thinks Michael, who didn't want her to go to college in the first place, is trying to sabotage her special day.
- The conclusion of a two-part highlight episode features clips of Michael's "minor glitches" and Jay's concern about her weight.
- Michael finds a pack of condoms in Claire's backpack and jumps to conclusions since her boyfriend Tony is coming back from spending 40 days in the desert. Junior accidentally gives Kady his dog's medicine instead of her allergy medicine and Michael decides to teach him a lesson about responsibility since he'll be a father soon.
- Jr. is burnt out at being a father and Michael decides to use 'the magic baby' trick. Michael makes Jr. believe he is a genius whenever he's holding the baby and it inspires Jr. to retake his SATs.
- Under a time deadline to catch his flight to an important golf match at Pebble Beach, Michael tries to hurry and pack, but various family distractions keep getting in his way. He ultimately decides Jay and his family are more important to go and ends up bringing back a surprise.
- Michael feels neglected because Jay is spending all of her time studying for her psychology final. He decides to tutor her, but his efforts cause her to fail. To make it up to her, he tries to bribe her professor to let her re-take the test. Meanwhile, when Kady thinks Franklin prefers her smart friend over her, she tries to act more "brainy."
- Kady's at a slumber party and Jay and Michael go out for the night, but because Michael didn't recite the rules 'no friends, no freedom, no fire, no fun', Claire decides to throw a wild party.
- Michael and Jay try to hide their disappointment when they don't receive the wedding anniversary gifts each are expecting from each other. Meanwhile, with Franklin's help, novice cook Claire hopes to prepare a gourmet dinner for her parents' anniversary present.
- Realizing that the garage is no longer a suitable living situation for Jr., Vanessa and the baby, Jay insists that Michael have it remodeled. When the contractor bids are too expensive for his taste, Michael decides to take on the job himself, with Jr.'s help. But when they get in over their heads, Franklin -- who happens to be a certified contractor - has to come to their rescue.
- Michael reluctantly accompanies Jay on a meditation weekend, where he has trouble following the rule of silence.
- When Michael's old friend and former bandmate, Johnny "Saxophone" Watson, comes to town for a gig, it turns out Johnny's piano player can't make it. Michael eagerly accepts an invitation to take the man's place, but refuses to admit that his musical skills have gotten rusty. Meanwhile, love is blind when it comes to Franklin realizing that his little sister, Aretha, is a much better singer than the tone-deaf Kady.
- Jay enters the family into a karaoke contest under the guise of family bonding, but Michael sees it's another way for her competitive streak to shine through. As the house divides into groups, Jr. tries to find the right way and time to propose to Vanessa.
- When Jay tells Michael that their love life will be even better if they are celibate for six months, Michael is willing to abide by her wishes, although reluctantly. Meanwhile, Franklin and Kady plant some seeds in the ground to symbolize their growing love for each other, but the seeds grow into an ingredient for a love potion that Jay uses to spice up her romantic dinner for Michael.
- When Kady wants to spend some quality time with her father, she enlists Michael's help in the school candy drive. But when the father of last year's winner claims he can prevail once again, a competitive Michael loses sight of helping Kady and commits to selling an exorbitant number of chocolate bars.
- Michael wants Jr. to learn the family business by starting at the bottom, so he assigns Jr. to do menial jobs around Kyle Trucking. Jr., however, decides to use the fact that he's the boss' son to his advantage and convinces other employees to do his work for him. Meanwhile, Claire arranges a secret date with a guy she met on the Internet in a Shakespeare chat room.
- Jr. and Vanessa announce that they want to have the baby at home with the help of Summer Breeze, a midwife whose natural childbirth methods include the whole family's participation.
- When Jr. reveals he's not taking his fatherly responsibilities seriously, Michael makes a bet that he can't take care of a balloon baby like a real baby for a week, and if Jr. loses he has to enroll in a parenting class.
- When Jay finds mouse droppings, she demands that Michael hire an exterminator to get rid of them, but, as usual, Michael is determined to handle it himself. Meanwhile, Claire is also freaked out by a rodent when she accidentally runs over a squirrel while driving home.
- Michael, who is determined to make record time driving from Connecticut to the Grand Canyon in a luxurious R.V., convinces his reluctant family to make the road trip so they can spend quality time together. Along the way, Michael puts the family through many misadventures -- including getting lost -- and in his haste neglects to read one of the R.V. manual's most crucial operational features.
- During a rare occasion when Michael and Jay have the house to themselves, they find themselves reminiscing about the fun times they've had with their kids and various friends. Some of these memorable moments include Jay's obsession with her weight and Michael's visit to a proctologist.
- Tired of living in the garage, Jr. looks for an apartment and enlists his buddy, John, to be a co-signer... except that John has to dress up and pose as Jr.'s grandmother for the realtor. When Jr. and Vanessa's families come to visit the couple's new apartment, Jay is shocked to find that her new grandchild might be living in a run-down building with yellow police tape around the entrance.
- Jay announces that Saturday is Sweethearts Day, a holiday she made up solely for Michael to buy her diamonds. Michael uses a test basing Jay's attitude at a random moment to weigh how much she's worth and gets her a cheap gift, but when the truth is revealed his plan blows up in his face as Jay rates his every move.
- The Kyles and Vanessa's parents escort her to her first ultrasound. When asked if they wanted to know the baby's sex, Michael is the only one who stands out with a positive answer. Obsessed with knowing whether he's having a grandson or a granddaughter, he tries by all means to have the doctor tell him. He finally assumes it's a boy, and tells Jay and eventually the rest of the family. But in the end the situation reverses as they all confirm with the doctor the real sex of the future Kyle and leave Michael out in the rain. Meanwhile, Franklyn freaks out with the idea of losing Kady to "Smilin' Willie" and tries to learn how to be a dance master.
- When Claire gets her permit she's ready to start driving, but her first lesson with Michael proves disastrous when he constantly yells at her and makes her nervous. When the family is gone, Claire decides to go driving by herself, but Michael spots her and steals the car when she isn't looking and waits to see how long it'll take for Claire to confess.
- Jay drops the bomb that she has enrolled in college, and despite Michael forbidding her, she goes anyway. At first the kids are behind her but as she becomes obsessed with her psychology class and diagnoses everybody, Michael tries to find a way to knock some sense into her before she drives the whole family crazy.
- Wanting to spend quiet time together, Michael plans a romantic evening with Jay at an exclusive hotel. Then, when Jr. mistakenly cancels the reservation, Michael tries to create a romantic night at home. But things take a disastrous turn when Michael hurts his head trying to shut off the water valve, Jay handcuffs them to each other - but can't find the key - and a burnt roast almost causes the house to burn down.
- With a lucrative bid from a large company offering to purchase Kyle Trucking, Michael convinces Jay that, if they sold their business, they'd be able to spend more quality time with Jr., Jr. and watch him grow up -- something they wish they could have done more of with their own kids. But the offer goes bust and Michael's nemesis, Bobby Shaw (Katt Williams), comes up with a surprising proposal. Meanwhile, Kady and Claire antagonize each other over who gets to spend more time in the bathroom.
- After Michael treats Jay horribly during a double date with Jr. and Vanessa, who are still very much in love, Jay demands that Michael be more attentive to her, but he takes it to maddening levels to punish her.
- Jay diets and exercises in training for an upcoming marathon, Michael laughs off all her training by insisting he can run faster than she can. But when the big day comes, Michael has to cheat in order to make it to the finish line first.
- Even though Michael is the only one who can get Jr. and Vanessa's baby to stop crying, after he fails a childcare class the entire family snubs him and refuses to let him be near the baby because he's not certified.
- In a twist of fate, Michael is recruited as a hand model during Claire's modeling audition. As he flaunts his newfound fame, he is careful to protect the family's new financial asset - his hands. Meanwhile Franklin feels threatened by Kady's friendship with Rachel, so, on Jr.'s advice, he takes matters into his own hands.
- Jr. and Vanessa's plan for a small, simple wedding get drowned out by Michael and Jay's lavish plans for the wedding of the century. Vanessa finally puts her foot down when Jr. can't stand up to his father and they run away to elope.
- Jay wants she and Michael to do more things together so she tags along for his golf game and ruins it, so Michael gets revenge by showing up at her yoga class unannounced and embarrassing her.
- When the overwhelmingly strong and gregarious Calvin, Vanessa's dad, begs Michael to give him a job at Kyle Trucking, Michael does so reluctantly and his worst fears are realized. Calvin's way of dealing with customers and merchandise leaves a little to be desired, and now Michael must find a way to get rid of the man without getting himself hurt in the process. Meanwhile, Claire gets Franklin to help her with her science paper.
- Michael is convinced that he's going to win the Man of the Year award, but falls into a deep depression when he doesn't; Jay rallies the kids together to put together a different award ceremony to show Michael how much they appreciate him.
- In his excitement to tape a basketball game, Michael accidentally records over a home video of Kady's first steps, which happens to be one of Jay's most cherished family moments. When Jay decides to have a family home movie night, Michael must act quickly and enlists Franklin's help to reenact that moment of Kyle family history.
- When Jr. wins a national competition for his cartoon entitled "My Wife and Kid" -- based on himself, Vanessa, the baby and the rest of the Kyle family -- it catches the attention of ABC. Michael becomes Jr.'s agent, but the meeting with the television executives goes badly, crushing Jr.'s dream opportunity, so now Michael has to find a way to rectify the situation. Meanwhile, Claire threatens to break up with Tony unless he can bring some "umph" into their relationship.
- The Kyles are willing to support Michael's inconsolable employee, Larry, who can't get over losing his 103-year-old grandmother. But Larry goes overboard when, at the funeral, he asks little Kady to kiss his "Grammy" goodbye and for Jay to sing his beloved grandmother's favorite R&B song.
- Michael gets a ticket for reckless driving and has to appear in court. Jay becomes obsessed with getting Botox and she and Michael both get a shot, resulting in their faces being frozen the next day. When Michael appears before the judge and can't remove the giant grin from his face, he gets thrown in jail.
- Michael advises Jr. that it's ok to spend some time away from Vanessa and the baby, but his advice misfires when Jr. invites Jay along to their all-male poker game. Michael decides, in turn, to crash Jay's all-female book club, where they're discussing the latest book by Angeline Boudreaux.
- Claire and Tony announce they plan to have sex, and while Michael and Jay try to handle it better than their parents, they try various ways to talk the kids out of it.
- When Michael and Jay can't stand Junior and Claire screaming at each other anymore, they decide to show the kids how bad they're acting by pretending to fight with each other, and the kids start to worry that their parents are going to break up.
- Jay decides to attend an "Open Your Heart" seminar for struggling couples, even though she and Michael are happier than ever. Her excuse is "prevention", but Michael warns her not to try fixing something that isn't broken. At the seminar, they are teased against each other and stop talking to one another. It takes Kady suffering an accident at school for them to realize how important communication between them really is. Meanwhile, Michael wants his children to learn the value of money and tells Jr. to start his own business.