Adam and Eve (1983)
As a famous rap duo once expounded: 'Girls ain't nothing but trouble'.
7 July 2017
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth, followed by light, water, whales and a whole load of other shizz. Eventually, he created man in his own image. In time, man created Hollywood, and not long after that, the Italians created rip-offs. Adam and Eve Meet The Cannibals is the Italian answer to American 'loss of innocence' movies like The Blue Lagoon (1980) and Paradise (1982), the film following its photogenic titular couple (played by Mark Gregory of Bronx Warriors 1&2, and Andrea Goldman of nothing else) as they struggle to survive after being cast out of the Garden of Eden for sampling the forbidden fruit.

The film is largely an excuse for directors Enzo Doria and Luigi Russo to show their stars in the buff; both Adam and Eve frolic buck naked, making this an equal opportunities exploitation flick—something for both men and women to enjoy. But being Italian rip-off movie-makers, they can't help but throw in lots of mind bogglingly daft nonsense, making their film an absolute hoot of biblical proportions. In addition to the copious nudity, viewers are also treated to a hilarious action scene inspired by Raiders of the Ark (a massive stop-motion boulder rolling after Adam and Eve in a display of pathetic special effects), a couple of dreadful animal attacks (a manky pterodactyl and a moth-eaten bear), a tribe of ape-men (and women), and, of course, the cannibals: a race of laughable pig-faced, ginger-haired creatures.

Obviously, this is far from great cinema, and not really deserving of a very high rating, but for those who enjoy unadulterated trash, Adam and Eve Meet The Cannibals is a must-see.

5.5/10 (rounded up to 6 for IMDb) for the bear and the prehistoric bird, and for Goldman, a terrible actress but very easy on the eye.
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