'It's Alive!' (1969 TV Movie)
1/10
It's Abysmal!
22 April 2013
I'm a sucker for a crappy monster movie, but even I have my limits; 'It's Alive!', a made for TV effort from schlockmeister Larry Buchanan, goes beyond those limits and then some...

Bill Thurman plays Greely, owner of a back-road menagerie whose most unusual attraction is a prehistoric monster (also played by Thurman) that is kept hidden in a cave and fed on unsuspecting passers-by. When married couple Leilla and Norman Sterns (Shirley Bonne and Corveth Ousterhouse) take a wrong turn and wind up at Greely's place, they soon find themselves added to the monster's menu, along with unfortunate paleontologist Wayne (Tommy Kirk). Greely's petrified housekeeper Bella (Annabelle Weenick) is their only hope of escape, but can they convince the woman to risk her life to help?

With a really bad rubber monster and an amazingly OTT performance from Thurman (a master of the maniacal laugh), this could have been an unintentionally funny piece of Z-grade trash, but the dreary script, wooden acting from everyone else, and utterly lifeless direction from Buchanan ensures that no-one is laughing. Technically shoddy from start to finish, this is a real test of patience, the worst parts being a prolonged flashback filmed with no sound, but given a dreadful voice-over by Weenick, and a slow-motion chase scene through the woods. 80 minutes have rarely seemed so long.
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