A Tromasterpiece of Arrogance, Elogance, and Exploitation
2 October 2012
Blood... Sucking... Freaks. Now there's a title that's an understatement, evoking the mental imagery of a vampire smoking crack and prancing in the fields, but this isn't that, at all. This incredible torture show is an intricately preposterous tale of sadism, theatricality, and deception; deceptive in that it markets itself as a forgettable "the-title-is-the-best-part" type of movie, but it deviates from that formulaic cliché of a just another horror movie and becomes a comic exploitation fiesta of pure depravity.

First off, the film is spiritually comprised of three films. It's the ill intentions of "The Wizard of Gore", the theatrical delusions of "Theater of Blood", and the sadistic endeavors of "Ilsa: She-Wolf of the SS". It's a series of B-quality sensations that unfold in a fascinatingly implausible way, where as our protagonist Sardu is an arrogant sadist whose delusions of grandeur send him nonchalantly on an overlooked killing spree disguised as "art".

Sardu kills women on stage in front of an audience, but it's only a show after all, albeit that severed hand sure does look convincing. And so does that gouged-eye, that drilled finger, and pretty much every act of sadistic violence towards women on the stage... Though after an overly- stubborn critic denies Sardu of this simple reality, Sardu decides to convince him the hard way, but once an actor, always an actor, or so the critic believes, in his refusal to believe Sardu at all.

The sheer daftness of the premise deems it hypnotic in its way to seamlessly bring you from one act of mind-boggling murder to the next, and it does this on a perfect balance of serious demented cruelty to laughably sadistic fetishist behavior. Played brilliantly (and as an unexpected swan song) by Seamus O'Brien, Sardu is cocky, cruel, and downright debonair as he gambles women's digits, narrates acts of murder, and brainwashes bimbos to kill more bimbos. Together with what's either his black or Mexican midget sidekick, he truly is an unsung hero of the exploitation circuit, who had an undeniable charm as he balanced his cues and contingencies perfectly.

Blood Sucking Freaks is a film like you've never seen before. It laughs at its audience while laughing WITH its audience, since you know you'd have to be a little off-the-wall to enjoy a movie like this, but if you're already privy to the infidelities of cult films and B-movie beauty, then this torture show delivers on all accounts exceptionally. A debonair jerk and a black-ish midget try to convince a stubborn critic that they're *actually* killing the naked women that they torture and humiliate on stage in front of a live audience. Yes, this movie does exist. No, I didn't make up that plot. Yes, sobriety of narrative may not seem present. No, it's not condoning you do drugs. And yes, this movie is irregardlessly THE most awesome movie ever released, in the history of time and space.
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