Review of Monster Dog

Monster Dog (1984)
Don't touch it, even for Alice
15 April 2006
I am a huge Alice Cooper fan. I go to at least one gig on each of his UK tours, and he is the best live act I have ever seen. I own around twenty of his albums on CD. I also generally like bad movies, horror movies, and bad horror movies. In fact, I enjoy nearly every film I ever watch, regardless of genre or quality.

I did not enjoy Monster Dog. Not even a little bit. It was excruciating.

This is, quite simply, the worst film I have ever seen. Not so bad it's good; just so bad. So very, very bad. Not one single person involved with it was even remotely competent in any way. The dialogue sucks, the acting sucks (to the point where they frequently don't even have good cue pick-up), the pacing sucks (partly because of the aforementioned lack of cue pick- up), the cinematography sucks, the effects suck, and there aren't even any hot women. It is excruciatingly boring. There are two Alice numbers on the soundtrack, one of which is half- decent. Download them and save yourself the hassle, because they are the only reason to watch this picture.
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