The right ingredients
16 November 2004
Here's the recipe: take one duck who stands out amongst more realistic acting ones (preferably one filing his nails and prone to wearing a bathing cap). We simply cannot be satisfied with any ordinary every day meat on the table duck. This one must be gifted and eager to give us a taste of his entire resume: sing, dance, act (contract with Warner brothers optional). The specimen we have here earns an extra point by grabbing a wig from someone below screen (belonging to a member of the audience we suspect) to put on Porky. Yes that's right, the most evil, disgusting and intimidating character Warners could hire, Porky Pig, is the second ingredient. When the little black duck is not offering Shakespearean asides to viewers, he should be insulting the weight challenged curly tail. Start of with 'fat stuff' and work up from there. Then have these two spices try to outwit each other and sit back to watch sparks fly for seven minutes:

When mixed together the combined ingredients should taste somewhat like this: Old Fatso following this 'gremlin like' duck into the lake wearing a diving helmet, only to find himself sidetracked by 'The sellerbrush man'. Adding water to the wine, that Pig drains the entire lake one bucket at a time. This leaves Daffy flapping like a fish (please make sure all the other lake dwellers have been removed beforehand). Daffy counters with the tried and true 'telling the future by reading the bumps on your head' bit before the two of them get into the great eagle/pig debate. Now the Porkster adds gravy by pulling out bigger and better firepower. In a final act of desperation Daffy brings out the old wife and kids: Celia, Sylvester, Lathrop and Stanislaus (who spits at Porky, making his daddy proud). Which one of them will be the main course and who will be desert?

10 out of 6

Bon appetit
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