Read the Prenuptial Agreement Carefully!
1 September 2000
Warning: Spoilers
NOTE: This has spoilers in it. but you know what is coming five minutes into the film. Still, if you plan on seeing the movie, don't read the following review.

Let's see what we have here.... A secluded island with only a few people on it? Honeymoon cabins on the island? A deceitful murder years before? The cabins reopen years later? A bunch of "young" hormonally charged couples taking their vacation there? Could this be the premise of yet another bad slasher movie? You betcha!

Chances are, you've seen this all before, and much better, at that. Elaine and her husband (I think his name was Frank....we'll just call him that anyhow) own some cabins on an island. When he leaves for the mainland, she slips over to the cabin of their friend, Vic, for a little after-hours mischief. Ah, but one night, Elaine hurries over, and Frank returns for his cigarettes. He finds the adulterers...um...engaged and flips out. The result is Frank being knocked out after the cabin catches on fire. Vic and Elaine leave him to die, and the director leaves the scene to show us the black screen with the "Several Years Later," phrase on it. Yes, several years go by, and Elaine, now married to Vic, reopens the cabins to honeymooners. Three couples show up, all six displaying their bad acting talents. Among them is only one cliche, a muscular, stupid, balding guy named Dwayne. The other five people have no personalities whatsoever, which makes the picture worse than it should have been. Anyway, they apparently blew all their cash on the weddings and the receptions' alcohol, because I can't imagine why anyone would choose this ugly island for a honeymoon. I would have more fun dancing nude in the Antarctic Circle than being on that dull island! But the couples don't care, and proceed to do nothing but sleep together. Eventually (but not too soon, unfortunately), a crazed, burnt-up killer comes to bump people off. Everyone but the people on the screen knows it is Frank, which just goes to show how insultingly stupid these people really are.

There are way too many dumb points to this movie to mention, but I will provide a few reasons not to watch this. I would encourage (or perhaps I should discourage) you to watch the film before reading my negative points so you are unbiased and can compare your list of idiocy to mine. First off, why does Frank wait so long to attack? Elaine and Vic are the main targets, and they spent time on the island to fix up the cabins. Why not just whack them there and be done with it instead of waiting for the honeymooners? And why does Frank only seem interested in killing the women? That is stupid. Second, once they figure out someone is killing people, the so-called men wander out in the dark, looking for either the killer or missing people. Not only is that ridiculous of them to do, but you'd think that Frank would use this opportunity to isolate someone and snub them out. But no, Frank actually disappears during these searches, and thus there is a huge gap in the movie where absolutely nothing at all happens. Third, since they obviously never found Frank's body in the fire, why did Elaine, Vic, and everyone on the mainland think he died in it? It's not like his charred corpse got up, jumped in the water to cool off, and was lost in the undertow. This could be explained by the fourth point: dumb cops. Throughout the whole movie, we are constantly assaulted by pointless, annoying scenes featuring a dumb sheriff and his equally dumb deputy. They don't want to investigate the island because it is too much work, and we are force-fed overly long scenes of the sheriff complaining to his deputy and to himself over the island and "those crazy couples" that we really don't need. They serve no purpose in the film, and they are idiotic caricatures to boot. Every time they showed up, I kept expecting to hear the voice of Waylon Jennings pipe up and say, "Well, looks like the ol' Duke Boys are going to have an easy day today." Painful. And don't get me started on the poor acting, dim lighting, and the thin blood that comes out of people like spurts of water.

Originally, I thought about giving this film a 2, but the more I thought about it, the more I hated it. There is one good death, and it happens early on. After that, it get excruciating. The only reason you might want to see it is to write a comparison paper between it and the similar film, "The Burning," which was made around the same time as this was. At least with "The Burning," you could laugh at a very young Jason Alexander. With "Honeymoon Horror," you laugh at a muscular, stupid, balding guy named Dwayne. Zantara's score: 1 out of 10.
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