Coming Distractions: The Sharknado 5 trailer has almost no sharks for some reason

For centuries, man has suffered the indignity of sharknados, or storms full of sharks, occurring all around the planet. At least, that’s the dumb Transformers-level mythos being peddled by the trailer for Sharknado 5: Global Swarming, coming soon to a channel enough of you are apparently leaving on during these things to encourage Syfy to keep making them. What began as an ironically entertaining exercise in straight-faced silliness has devolved into a pandering slog of product placement, pointless cameos, and a sugar rush of ideas so poorly thought out, Herschell Gordon Lewis would go, “Hey, fellas, this needs a rewrite.” The last one sucked so bad, it couldn’t even be bothered to explain why we should suddenly give a shit about the extended family of Ian Ziering’s Finley Shepard. When a cameo by Carrot Top as an Uber driver is one of the better parts of ...
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