Catholic Church Says Gays Can Marry… Lesbians! Claim Your Lesbian Celebrity Bride Now!

The Catholic Church says gay men can marry lesbians. Oh! Weird. Well, let’s do it.


Great news from the complex thinkers who run the Catholic Church: It’s perfectly acceptable for gay men to marry women — especially lesbians! According to the church, if the possibility of consummation exists, any marriage is A-ok. Listen to Archbishop Oscar Cruz elaborate on the ruling with a statement that is both jaw-droppingly weird and accidentally awesome.

“May a lesbian marry a gay man? My answer is ‘yes’ because in that instance the capacity to consummate the union is there. The anatomy is there. The possibility of conception is there.”

That means there’s only one thing left to do: Claim your celebrity lesbian brides now, gays! Here are my top five candidates.

5) Rachel Maddow: This woman is sinister and bad-ass in bed, I know it.

4) Jane Lynch: Comedy with an Emmy-winning edge!
See full article at The Backlot »

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