My Favourite Episodes of "The Simpsons"

Montgomery Burns: "You may find this hard to believe, but in my salad days, my crowning glory was a bright shock of strawberry blonde curls."

Marge Simpson: "Homer, we're a Mary Bailey family." Homer Simpson: "Mary Bailey isn't going to fire me if I don't vote for her." Lisa Simpson: "Ooh, a political discussion at the breakfast table! I feel like a Kennedy!"

Homer: "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."

Bart: "I am through with working. Working is for chumps." Homer: "Son, I am proud of you. I was twice your age when I figured that out."

Marge: "We're just going to have to cut down on luxuries." Homer: "Well, you know, we're always buying Maggie vaccinations for diseases she doesn't even have!"

Professor Frink: "All right, according to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is... love? Who's been screwing with this thing?"

Bart: "Are there any Jive-Talking Robots in this play?" Marge: "I don't think so." Homer: "Bart, don't ask stupid questions. Is there any frontal nudity?" Marge: "No, Homer."

Adam West:"I suppose you’re only familiar with the new Batman movies. Michelle Pfeiffer? Ha! The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt. And I didn’t need molded plastic to improve my physique. Pure. West. And why doesn’t Batman dance anymore? Remember the Batusi?"

Homer: "Wow. A baby and a free burger. Could this be the best day of my life?"

Dr. Julius Hibbert: "Homer, I'm afraid you'll have to undergo a coronary bypass operation." Homer Simpson: Say it in English, Doc!" Dr. Julius Hibbert: "You're going to need open-heart surgery." Homer Simpson: Spare me your medical mumbo jumbo!" Dr. Julius Hibbert: "We're going to cut you open and tinker with your ticker." Homer Simpson: Could you dumb it down a shade?"

Marge: "Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you." Homer: "Batman?" Marge: "No, he's a scientist." Homer: "Batman's a scientist." Marge: "It's NOT Batman."

Miss Hoover: "Do you want to play John Wilkes Booth, or do you want to act like a maniac?"

Homer: "So what does this job pay?" Lenny: "Nothing." Homer: "D'oh!" Lenny: "Unless you're crooked." Homer: "WOOHOO!"

Homer: "Oh, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut." Homer's Brain: "Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts." Homer: "Explain how." Homer's Brain: "Money can be exchanged for goods and services." Homer: "WOOHOO!"

Mindy: "What's wrong?" Homer: "Oh yeah, like you don't know! We're gonna have sex." Mindy: "Oh ... well, we don't have to." Homer: "Yes, we do. The cookie told me so." Mindy: "Well, desserts aren't always right." Homer: "But they're so sweet."

Kent Brockman: "Scott, things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for Philosophy majors - useful people are starting to feel the pinch."

Homer: "Look Marge, you don't know what it's like - I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order. You're out of order. The whole freakin' system is out of order. You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't HANDLE the truth. 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do. Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown."

Marge Simpson: "Kids can be so cruel." Bart Simpson: "We can? Thanks Mom!"

Shelbyville Manhattan: " I tell you, I won't live in a town that robs men of the right to marry their cousins!"

Lunchlady Doris: "The cafeteria staff is complaining about the mice in the kitchen. I want to hire a new staff."

Kent Brockman: "At 3:00 PM Friday, local autocrat C. Montgomery Burns was shot, following a tense confrontation at town hall. He was taken to a hospital where he was pronounced dead. He was then taken to a better hospital where his condition was upgraded to alive."

Lisa:"Good news, everyone! You don't have to eat meat! I've got enough gazpacho for everyone." Barney:" Go back to Russia!"

Mr. Burns: "My germs! My precious germs! They never harmed a soul! They never had the chance!"

Lisa: "These are my only friends. Grown-up nerds like Gore Vidal, and even he's kissed more boys than I ever will." Marge: "Girls, Lisa. Boys kiss girls."

Comic Book Guy: “Worst. Episode. Ever.”

Moe: Come on, don't take this so hard, Homer. You still got that other kid, uh... Lisa. Let's, uh, take her out hunting tomorrow; make her into a man. Homer: Aw, she'd never go. She's a vegetarian. Moe: Oh, geez! Homer, geez! You and Marge ain't cousins, are you?

Grimes: "God, he eats like a pig!" Lenny: "I dunno. Pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck."

Marge: "Four drink minimum?" Homer: "I'll cover you, honey."