Schlock Talk Episodesby mysoncool | created - 31 Dec 2013 | updated - 04 Mar 2016 | Public
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1. Entrails of a Beautiful Woman (1986)
68 min | Fantasy, Horror, Thriller
A tortured and raped young girl mutates into a penis-headed demon and mutilates her captors.
'Oh, Japan! This mishmash of Yakuza thriller and horror flick (English title: 'Entrails of a Beautiful Woman') has a little bit of everything- rape, tentacles, strange designer drugs (Angeluh Rainu!) and a hermaphroditic monster. Not for the faint of heart, but well worth watching, if you have the 'guts'.
2. Galaxy of Terror (1981)
R | 81 min | Action, Adventure, Horror
Science fiction suspense thriller, in which a rescue space ship crew meets up with horrors projected by their own imaginations.
A collection of once famous and never were famous stars, in a $20 "Alien" ripoff? Count us in! Probably most infamous for its "maggot" scene, this 'Galaxy of Terror is a lot of things, but boring (as well tasteful, thoughtful, intelligent, or well made) is not one of them...
3. Vulgar (2000)
R | 87 min | Crime, Drama, Thriller
A man who performs as a children's birthday party clown tries to piece his life back together after being gang-raped.
Votes: 3,729 | Gross: $0.01M
Truly a love letter to the awfulness of Brian O'Halloran, and even more so, to the New Jersey crapfests Kevin Smith has been foisting on the world for a couple of decades now. Is it wrong to be happy that terrible things are happening to this movie's hero? Watch it and decide for yourself. Better yet, instead, go get a tooth pulled, sans painkillers, and count yourself lucky.
4. Never Too Young to Die (1986)
R | 92 min | Action, Adventure, Comedy
A top secret Agent is murdered, so his estranged son, a high school gymnast, teams up with his dad's attractive female partner to stop the psychopathic hermaphroditic gang leader who killed him, and now plans a major terrorist attack.
Amazingly, 'Never too Young to Die' has not been released on video since 1986. In Japan. On laser disk. Someday, people will re-discover this awesome 80's flick, about a teenage secret agent who is fighting against a hermaphrodite played by Gene Simmons(!), to prevent him from contaminating L.A.'s water supply with radioactive waste! Don't be fooled by my description sounding somewhat sane, 'Never too Young to Die' is anything but!
5. Cannibal Ferox (1981)
Not Rated | 93 min | Adventure, Horror
Three friends out to disprove cannibalism meet two men on the run who tortured and enslaved a cannibal tribe to find emeralds, and now the tribe is out for revenge.
While not as "good" as the ultimate Italian cannibal flick, 'Cannibal Holocaust', 'Ferox' is at least a little less grim and a little more fun than that "classic" of the genre. And by "a little", I mean 'Cannibal Ferox' gives you an 11% chance of keeping your lunch down, and 'Holocaust' gives you none!
6. Mo (1983)
99 min | Horror
While in Thailand to avenge his brother who was crippled in a fight with a corrupt Thai boxer, a man gets caught up in a web of fate, Buddhism and black magic.
On a scale of one to ten, on a meter that measures insanity, 'Boxer's Omen' is all the way to the right, well into the red. What starts as a kickboxing movie quickly becomes... something else. I would try and describe the magic battles, strange "Buddhist" ceremonies, and over all *beep* but I wouldn't do it justice, and I would hate to ruin the fun for everyone else.
7. Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks (1976)
R | 85 min | Thriller
In the vast deserts of the Middle East, the lascivious tigress Ilsa joins the white flesh slavery ring of a maniacal sheikh overlord.
While this is considered to be the best of the Ilsa movies, it is also considered to be terrible. With all apologies to 'Kids in the Hall, this movie improbably takes place after Ilsa was She-Wolfing it up for the S.S. Dyanne Thorne is back in all her buxom, ball busting beauty, but nearly every bit as evil as she was before!
8. Barbarian Queen (1985)
R | 72 min | Adventure, Fantasy
Set during the days of the Roman Empire. A simple village is raided by Roman troops, and most of the people are whisked off to be slaves or killed. Three women survive and set off to ... See full summary »
Probably the most straight forward and normal movie that has been covered by Schlock Talk yet, and there's a rape 20 seconds in, and PRIOR to the credits! Filled wall to wall with bodacious babes, sword fights, and epic awesomeness, it almost makes you forget that Phil Spector would later murder star and legitimate superbabe, Lana Clarkson.
9. For Y'ur Height Only (1981)
88 min | Action, Adventure, Comedy
Mr. Giant has kidnapped the brilliant Dr. Van Kohler and is planning to use the Doctor's invention, the N-bomb, to hold the world hostage. The only one who can foil Mr. Giant's evil scheme ... See full summary »
Has there ever been anyone more cool than Weng Weng, like, EVER ever? He's 3 feet tall, has a slightly modified Ramones haircut, and kicks evil henchmen in the balls. All. The. Time. A true mini masterpiece if there ever was one, 'For Y'ur Height Only' is like a James Bond movie, only more plausible!
10. Deadly Prey (1987)
R | 88 min | Action, Thriller
A group of sadistic mercenaries kidnap people off the streets and set them loose on the grounds of their secret camp, so the "students" at the camp can learn how to track down and kill their prey.
The toughest dude of all timez homicides his way through a Rambo Academy, one stealth kill or grenade down the pants at a time. Once the world's roughest group of mercenary interns capture his wife, it's *really* on, cuz even if she doesn't necessarily brain so well, she knows how to fill out a pair of high waisted coolots! With a little help from his father in law, the reliably awful Cameron Mitchell, and the guy he fought with in 'Nam when they were both pre-teens, can Mike avenge the fallen by murdering the murderers? Daaaaaannnnntoooonnnn!
11. Samurai Cop (1991)
Unrated | 96 min | Action, Crime, Thriller
Joe Marshall and Frank Washington are two police detectives who must stop the ruthless activities of the Katana, a renegade Yakuza gang composed of violent and sadistic killers who want to lead the drug trade in Los Angeles
Samurai Cop Joe Morgan comes from San Diego to LA to help take down the Katana Gang. While doing so, we learn that he likes to make love with his underwear ON, that he speaks fluent Japanese, just not during any parts of the production when the camera was running, and that Fred Armisen likely was a drug runner in southern California in the late 80's. And also about ten years older than he is today.
12. Uninvited (1988 Video)
PG-13 | 90 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
A sinister corporation loses control of a house cat infected with a genetically engineered virus. The death toll rises during the mutant feline's rampage and, eventually, it finds its way on board the yacht of a criminal kingpin.
It's the horror version of a turducken! When horny spring break teens con their way onto a yacht excursion from Fort Lauderdale to the caribbean, and accidentally bring the world's 73rd deadliest lab experiment mutant along with them, consequences will never be the same! What about that turducken you ask? Dude. We put a squirrel. A RABID squirrel. In a CAT!
13. Yi boh lai beng duk (1996)
Not Rated | 98 min | Comedy, Crime, Horror
A restaurant employee wanted for murder contracts Ebola by raping a woman in South Africa and starts an outbreak there and in Hong Kong when he returns home.
Surely a multicultural movie if there ever was one. While 'Ebola Syndrome' is highly offensive, it sprays its horribleness across multiple continents, splashing Africans, Asians, and Caucasians with equal portions of its hot, steamy ghastliness. Cannibalism, rape, and uh... "cultural insensitivity" are all on the menu at a restaurant where you definitely do NOT want to sample the delicacies.
14. Mr. No Legs (1978)
R | 90 min | Action, Drama
Heads roll as two cops, Chuck and Andy, go against Mr. D'Angelo, the biggest drug dealer in Florida, and his ruthless enforcer Fred, who has no legs but does have two mean double barrel shotguns built into his wheelchair.
So there's a guy in this movie, and he's got no legs. And he's a dude, so "Mr." is accurate. The problem is, if you name a movie after a relatively minor character who is in about 10% of your film, and he's the selling point of what is an otherwise cruddy, low budget crime movie, maybe you should start calling yourself 'Director Giant Balls', because you had to know how bad you were gonna piss people off...
15. Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)
R | 96 min | Action, Thriller
In Molokai, two undercover drug enforcement agents are after a vicious drug kingpin, but on the way, they will also have to deal with a contaminated giant python.
Whatever you do, if you have to transport snakes around Hawaii, make sure you don't also accidentally recover illicit diamonds from a remote control helicopter unless you are in an all-girl anti-narcotics squad and also know at least two buff dudes who can back you up in the karate, bazooka, and budoir departments. If you take any lesson from 'Hard Ticket to Hawaii' I think that's the most important one. Also, razor frisbies.
16. R.O.T.O.R. (1987)
Not Rated | 90 min | Action, Sci-Fi, Thriller
Robotic Officer Tactical Operation Research. A prototype robot intended for crime combat escapes from the development lab and goes on a killing rampage.
Considered one of the worst movies ever made, 'R.O.T.O.R.' isn't so much 'so bad it's good', but so terrible, it mostly borders on being fully unwatchable, and we at Schlock Talk have seen 'Vulgar' and 'Mr. No Legs'- and taken notes! 'R.O.T.O.R.' is wacky, sure, but mostly it's just a series of phone calls, some of which are also ABOUT phone calls. If Schlock Talk never has to type that unwieldy title again, it'll be too soon!
17. Starcrash (1978)
PG | 92 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
An outlaw smuggler and her alien companion are recruited by the Emperor of the Galaxy to rescue his son and destroy a secret weapon by the evil Count Zarth Arn.
If 'Star Wars' was made by Giorgioni Lucasino, it might have looked something like 'Starcrash', an Italian ripoff of the cultural phenomenon. 'Starcrash' was produced for about half the budget of 'Star Wars', but you have to wonder where all that money went. Somehow, Christopher Plummer is the Emperor of the First Ring of the Universe, and the only possible explanation is that either A) He got all of the money in the budget, or B) Someone had a copy of a snuff movie he produced, and used it to blackmail him into appearing in 'Starcrash'.
18. Leprechaun 4: In Space (1996 Video)
R | 95 min | Comedy, Fantasy, Horror
Our deadly leprechaun is in space to woo a beautiful princess who is impressed with his gold and desires to separate him from it.
On 'Life's too Short', Warwick Davis' life is made out to look kinda terrible. Thing is, if you take 'Leprechaun 4: In Space' into account, it seems SO MUCH WORSE! In all honesty, 'L4:IS', as we in the Schlock biz like to call it, is insanely entertaining. Another Brian Trenchard-Smith masterpiece, of crazy visual non-sequiturs, rip offs of ostensibly better films (I'm looking at you, 'Aliens') and one homicidal munchkin's quest for his pot 'o' gold... in space. Because THAT makes sense.
19. Species II (1998)
R | 93 min | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi
An astronaut gets infected with alien DNA during the first mission on Mars and runs amok on earth. Preston and Laura team up with a peaceful, genetically re-engineered Sil to track the monster down.
Votes: 24,524 | Gross: $19.17M
The not-at-all true story of one man's goal to have the biggest child support payment of all time, or at least to be an interstellar Shawn Kemp. Despite the entire first film being about killing the evil space slut, Sil, part two finds all the lesser known actors from part one having cloned her for "scientific" study and putting in the cyclotron. Yes, that happens in 'Species 2' along with Bubba from 'Forrest Gump' going Kunta Kinte on someone's ass, and Mr. Blonde spending most of the movie putting on and taking off his 'deal with it' shades.
20. Il bosco 1 (1988)
R | 85 min | Horror
The story of a hideous monster who takes the form of a beautiful, seductive woman who in a torrent of special effects, beauty and monster transform into a climax of pure evil. For years ... See full summary »
Also known as 'Evil Clutch', this is alegedly an 'Evil Dead' ripoff, with a Euro flare, but is even more likely the most poorly filmed movie ever made about hiking in the woods. There are vampires (I guess), zombies (sort of), and a wagon wheel that is in half the scenes that don't involve people walking aimlessly, so, like, eleven. There are viewers for whom the chainsaw scene and cuckoo clock with a human face that spits blood make this a must-watch. Of course, those are the sort of people we can blame for ethnic cleansing, hangnails, and Aerosmith.
21. Arena (1989)
PG-13 | 115 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
A human becomes an unlikely rising star in the biggest fighting tournament in the galaxy that's dominated by alien species.
Not totally sure how this one made it onto Schlock Talk. Well, okay- it's about a blonde Christopher Reeve who is neither crippled, or, more importantly dead, fighting big rubber monsters in boxing matches. SPACE boxing matches. But those monsters look pretty sweet, the acting is passable, and bad girl 'Jade' nearly approaches Dawn Dunlap hotness territory. Either way, we at Schlock Talk all agreed we'd take her over the gal our hero Steve ends up with. So what if she poisoned him to make him miss a match against intergalactic champion, Horn?
22. Savage Streets (1984)
R | 93 min | Action, Crime, Drama
A teenage vigilante seeks revenge on a group of violent thugs who raped her handicapped sister and killed her best friend.
If there had been girls who looked like Linda Blair when Schlock Talk was in high school, we'd never have left. Of course, most everyone in 'Savage Streets' looks like a 9th year senior, except Linda's sister, played by scream queen legend Linnea Quigley, who is mute in this movie, and is presented as though she is 11 years old. Which makes things extra oogie when she gets, well, gang raped.
23. Battlefield Earth (2000)
PG-13 | 118 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
After enslavement and near extermination by an alien race in the year 3000, humanity begins to fight back.
Votes: 70,186 | Gross: $21.47M
It's pretty safe to say the giant, outer space codpiece budget of 'Battlefield Earth' was bigger than the total cost of all the other movies Schlock Talk has done, or ever will do. Of course, this may just be the thetans talking, but Vinnie Barbarino's ode to the philosophy of one L. Ron Hubbard is also WORSE than all the other podcast subjects combined as well.
24. Death Spa (1989)
R | 88 min | Horror
Gruesome deaths begin to occur at a hip Los Angeles health club.
Apparently, super mediocre dudes were in high demand in 1989, because the hero of 'Death Spa', Mike, inspires no less than seven straight-up murders, a woman in a wheelchair to push herself to the top of a mountain and set herself on fire, and a computer to run amok in a health spa. Along with this flick, Shari Shattuck becomes the introductory member of the Schlock Talk Hall of Fame, as she also appeared in 'Uninvited' and 'Arena'.
25. L'ultima orgia del III Reich (1977)
Not Rated | 92 min | Horror, War
Lise Cohen is taken to a special prisoner-of-war camp for female Jews, a camp run as a bordello to entertain the German officers and troops going in to battle. The camp is run with an iron ... See full summary »
If you are like a lot of people, and still on the fence about this Nazi business, Schlock Talk would like to direct you to 'The Gestapo's Last Orgy'. Despite all the depravity on display in this movie, Schlock Talk was well ahead of the curve, with a healthy disdain for the 3rd Reich, waaaayyy before it was fashionable. And as for this Hitler clown- you sir were a real GOOFBALL!
26. Robo Vampire (1988)
Not Rated | 90 min | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi
Narcotics agent Tom Wilde is given a second chance at life after being shot and killed. In a futuristic experiment, agent Wilde is returned to life as an Android Robot. He is sent on a very... See full summary »
27. Gymkata (1985)
R | 90 min | Action, Drama
An American gymnast travels to a foreign country to compete in a deadly game not won by anyone other than a native in more than 900 years.
Votes: 3,292 | Gross: $5.73M
28. Tokyo Gore Police (2008)
Not Rated | 110 min | Action, Comedy, Horror
In future Tokyo, a young woman in the privatized police force tracks down her father's killer while battling against mutant rebels known as engineers.
29. Straight Line (1990)
92 min | Crime, Drama
30. Robot Jox (1989)
PG | 85 min | Action, Sci-Fi
It is post-World War III. War is outlawed. In its place, are matches between large Robots called Robot Jox. These matches take place between two large superpowers over disputed territories.... See full summary »
Votes: 4,858 | Gross: $1.27M
Part 1- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lanCyE--S0U
Part 2- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6CizqrQCKk
31. Killing Spree (1987)
88 min | Horror
A man suspects his wife of adultery and goes on a killing spree, eliminating all he believes are sleeping with her, but his victims don't stay dead.
32. Alabama's Ghost (1973)
PG | 96 min | Horror
Nightclub janitor discovers a secret room, finds old magician's belongings, tries on the costumes and becomes "Alabama, King of the Cosmos."
33. The Unborn II (1994)
R | 83 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
A sinister fertility experiment has created a generation of twisted children. A relentless woman has made it her business to destroy these mutant babies before they destroy the world! One ... See full summary »
34. No Holds Barred (1989)
PG-13 | 93 min | Action, Sport
Rip is the World Wrestling Federation champion who is faithful to his fans and the network he wrestles for. Brell, the new head of the World Television Network, wants Rip to wrestle for his... See full summary »
Votes: 5,141 | Gross: $16.09M
35. Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God (2005 TV Movie)
Not Rated | 105 min | Action, Adventure, Fantasy
Based on the phenomenally successful role-playing game, Dungeons & Dragons 2 takes you deeper into the dark and fantastical world of this fantasy epic. When the evil sorcerer Damodar braves... See full summary »
36. Women's Studies (2010)
Not Rated | 96 min | Horror
A grad student and her friends become trapped at a women's academy run by a cult of homicidal feminists.
37. Beyond the Darkness (1979)
Unrated | 94 min | Horror
Grief-struck after the death of his wife, a young man attempts to keep her with him forever - by gutting her, stuffing her and replacing her eyes with glass eyes, turning her into a doll. But his bouts of insanity are just beginning.
38. Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare (1987)
R | 83 min | Horror, Music
At a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, a hopeful hair-metal band seeking inspiration to record their upcoming new LP will soon find themselves in a furious confrontation against the Prince of Darkness himself.
39. Re-Animator (1985)
Unrated | 105 min | Comedy, Horror, Sci-Fi
A dedicated student at a medical college and his girlfriend become involved in bizarre experiments centering around the re-animation of dead tissue when an odd new student arrives on campus.
Votes: 46,161 | Gross: $2.02M
“ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSXjaLQAC4Q ” - mysoncool
40. Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
R | 98 min | Horror, Mystery, Sci-Fi
Kids all over America want Silver Shamrock masks for Halloween. Doctor Daniel Challis seeks to uncover a plot by Silver Shamrock owner Conal Cochran.
Votes: 33,382 | Gross: $14.40M
41. TerrorVision (1986)
R | 83 min | Comedy, Horror, Sci-Fi
A family's new satellite TV system starts receiving signals from another planet, and soon it becomes the passageway to an alien world.
Votes: 4,945 | Gross: $0.32M
42. Adam Chaplin (2011)
Not Rated | 84 min | Action, Crime, Horror
Adam Chaplin investigates his wife's murder and discovers mafia boss Denny, is involved. Unable to trust the corrupt police, Adam summons a demon to lead him to the murderer, if he does everything the demon asks.
43. Death Wish 3 (1985)
R | 92 min | Action, Crime, Drama
Architect/vigilante Paul Kersey arrives back in New York City and is forcibly recruited by a crooked police chief to fight street crime caused by a large gang terrorizing the neighborhoods.
Votes: 11,681 | Gross: $16.12M
44. Flesh for Frankenstein (1973)
R | 95 min | Horror
Baron Frankenstein creates two "zombies" - one male, one female - planning to mate them in order to create a master race.
45. Elves (1989)
PG-13 | 89 min | Horror
A young woman discovers that she is the focus of an evil Nazi experiment involving selective breeding and summoned elves, an attempt to create a race of supermen. She and two of her friends... See full summary »
46. Raw Force (1982)
R | 86 min | Adventure, Horror, Action
A group of martial arts students are en route to an island that supposedly is home to the ghosts of martial artists who have lost their honor. A Hitler lookalike and his gang are running a ... See full summary »
48. American Hunter (1989)
92 min | Action
Jake Carver, lethal hunter of bad guys, tries to retrieve a microfilm containing information which would cause a Wall Street panic and an economic crisis for Western governments. Also ... See full summary »
49. Forbidden World (1982)
R | 77 min | Horror, Sci-Fi