January 2013 Cheesefest

by murraldo17 | created - 09 Dec 2013 | updated - 29 Jun 2014 | Public
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1. X (2011)

Not Rated | 90 min | Crime, Drama, Thriller

A veteran call girl and a runaway prostitute witness a murder and must evade the killer as he chases them through Sydney.

Director: Jon Hewitt | Stars: Viva Bianca, Hanna Mangan Lawrence, Peter Docker, Stephen Phillips

Votes: 6,387

Over the top and sleazy Aussie drama. Viva Bianca is far too hot for this mess.

2. Hamlet 2 (2008)

R | 92 min | Comedy, Music

54 Metascore

In this irreverent comedy, a failed actor-turned-worse-high-school-drama-teacher rallies his Tucson, AZ students as he conceives and stages politically incorrect musical sequel to Shakespeare's Hamlet.

Director: Andrew Fleming | Stars: Steve Coogan, Elisabeth Shue, Catherine Keener, Joseph Julian Soria

Votes: 15,895 | Gross: $4.88M

Ultimately funny movie starts slowly and the plot defies any sense but it ends well.

3. The Candy Snatchers (1973)

R | 94 min | Crime, Horror, Thriller

Abused mute autistic boy is the only one who can help a teenage heiress kidnapped, tortured, raped and buried alive by three young psychopathic criminals who want to extort some diamonds from her rich scummy stepfather.

Director: Guerdon Trueblood | Stars: Tiffany Bolling, Ben Piazza, Susan Sennett, Brad David

Votes: 931

Not the casual sexploitation movie I had hoped for but a BRUTAL exploitation/ kidnapping flick with a great ending.

4. Battletruck (1982)

PG | 91 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi

Post World War III futuristic tale of collapsed governments & bankrupt countries heralding a new lawless age.

Director: Harley Cokeliss | Stars: Michael Beck, Annie McEnroe, James Wainwright, Bruno Lawrence

Votes: 879

Okay movie if you ignore the very low budget and misleading title. This is an American Mad Max clone.

5. 'Sheba, Baby' (1975)

PG | 90 min | Action, Crime, Drama

A Chicago private detective returns back home to Louisville, Kentucky, to help her father fight mobsters.

Director: William Girdler | Stars: Pam Grier, Austin Stoker, D'Urville Martin, Rudy Challenger

Votes: 949

The Goddess Pam Grier was wasted in this PG movie. Too tame.

6. Dredd (2012)

R | 95 min | Action, Crime, Sci-Fi

60 Metascore

In a violent, futuristic city where the police have the authority to act as judge, jury and executioner, a cop teams with a trainee to take down a gang that deals the reality-altering drug, SLO-MO.

Director: Pete Travis | Stars: Karl Urban, Olivia Thirlby, Lena Headey, Rachel Wood

Votes: 225,236 | Gross: $13.41M

Much better than expected, very similar to The Raid:Redemption.

7. Ted (2012)

R | 106 min | Comedy, Fantasy

62 Metascore

John Bennett, a man whose childhood wish of bringing his teddy bear to life came true, now must decide between keeping the relationship with the bear or his girlfriend, Lori.

Director: Seth MacFarlane | Stars: Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Seth MacFarlane, Joel McHale

Votes: 516,777 | Gross: $218.82M

Ted the Bear is Peter Griffin. The first half is a mildly funny movie. The second half of the film is a straight Romantic movie with Ted as the "best friend", without any laughter the stupidity of the situation becomes unbearable.

8. Black Sheep (2006)

Not Rated | 87 min | Comedy, Horror, Sci-Fi

62 Metascore

An experiment in genetic engineering turns harmless sheep into bloodthirsty killers that terrorize a sprawling New Zealand farm.

Director: Jonathan King | Stars: Oliver Driver, Nathan Meister, Tammy Davis, Peter Feeney

Votes: 36,655 | Gross: $0.08M

I found it neither funny nor scary, but it has put me off lamb forever, so Good Job Movie.

9. The Mack (1973)

R | 110 min | Crime, Drama

Goldie returns from five years at the state pen and winds up King of the pimping game. Trouble comes in the form of two corrupt white cops and a crime lord who wants him to return to the ... See full summary »

Director: Michael Campus | Stars: Max Julien, Don Gordon, Richard Pryor, Carol Speed

Votes: 2,253

Ultra cool movie about the Pimp Mack Daddy!

10. Malabimba (1979)

98 min | Adult, Horror

Bimba's mother has just been murdered mysteriously and the family is holding a seance to contact her spirit. As soon as the mystic finds her spirit things go crazy.

Director: Andrea Bianchi | Stars: Katell Laennec, Patrizia Webley, Enzo Fisichella, Giuseppe Marrocco

Votes: 517

Cheesy Goodness with a graphic blowjob to boot! Rich Italian soap opera type family has virgin daughter possessed by the spirit of a dead whore, plus there's a nun thrown in as well. Bravo.

11. Seksmisja (1984)

117 min | Adventure, Comedy, Sci-Fi

Two scientists are placed in hibernation and should be awaken after three years. But when they wake up, it turns out that it has been fifty years, and they are the only two males in a new, underground society composed exclusively of women.

Director: Juliusz Machulski | Stars: Wieslaw Michnikowski, Jerzy Stuhr, Olgierd Lukaszewicz, Dorota Stalinska

Votes: 9,685

Has not aged well, and it is way too long. No thanks.

12. Chillerama (2011)

Not Rated | 120 min | Comedy, Horror

It's the closing night at the last drive-in theater in America, and Cecil Kaufman has planned to show four movies, which are so rare that they have never been exhibited publicly on American soil, until this very night.

Directors: Adam Green, Joe Lynch, Bear McCreary, Adam Rifkin, Tim Sullivan | Stars: Adam Rifkin, Sarah Mutch, Ray Wise, Lin Shaye

Votes: 3,638

Campy low budget horror is fun for 15 minutes but a whole movie is too much to sit through. Not as clever as it needed to be.

13. The Beast Must Die (1974)

PG | 93 min | Horror, Mystery

Eight people have been invited to an island estate for the weekend. One of them is a werewolf. Can you guess which one?

Director: Paul Annett | Stars: Calvin Lockhart, Peter Cushing, Marlene Clark, Charles Gray

Votes: 2,292

Boring. The average rating on werewolf movies must be terrible cuz so many are like this. Gimmick ending did not add anything.

14. Attack the Block (2011)

R | 88 min | Action, Comedy, Sci-Fi

75 Metascore

A teen gang in South London defend their block from an alien invasion.

Director: Joe Cornish | Stars: John Boyega, Jodie Whittaker, Alex Esmail, Leeon Jones

Votes: 90,171 | Gross: $1.02M

No, I instantly hated the little bastards that the movie puts forward as "heroes". NO.

15. Rubber (2010)

R | 82 min | Comedy, Horror

59 Metascore

A homicidal car tire, discovering it has destructive psionic power, sets its sights on a desert town once a mysterious woman becomes its obsession.

Director: Quentin Dupieux | Stars: Stephen Spinella, Roxane Mesquida, Wings Hauser, Jack Plotnick

Votes: 29,464 | Gross: $0.10M

Yummy surreal cheese. I thought that this was really funny but I can understand others hating it.

16. Mandingo (1975)

R | 127 min | Drama, History, Romance

A slave owner in the 1840s trains one of his slaves to be a bare-knuckle fighter.

Director: Richard Fleischer | Stars: James Mason, Susan George, Perry King, Richard Ward

Votes: 2,818

Good old fashioned racial sex drama, yee haw. Has to be seen to be believed. Creepy cringey violent sleazy overacted

17. Switchblade Sisters (1975)

R | 91 min | Action, Crime, Drama

The leader of an inner city girl gang is challenged when a new girl moves into the neighbourhood.

Director: Jack Hill | Stars: Robbie Lee, Joanne Nail, Monica Gayle, Asher Brauner

Votes: 2,859 | Gross: $0.05M

Good over the top movie about a bunch of very bad girls

18. Trick or Treat (1986)

R | 98 min | Comedy, Horror, Music

Sammi Curr was an infamous rock star who died under mysterious circumstances. Now, he wants to come back to life. Doing so requires possessing radio waves and automobiles, and making a few human sacrifices.

Director: Charles Martin Smith | Stars: Marc Price, Tony Fields, Lisa Orgolini, Doug Savant

Votes: 4,813 | Gross: $6.80M

Ozzy and Gene make cameos only, better than average especially for metal heads.

19. Stone (1974)

103 min | Action, Drama, Adventure

Members of the Grave Diggers Motorcycle Club are being knocked off one by one, and someone needs to find out why! Sandy Harbutt's timeless Australian cult film about a bunch of renegades riding Kawasaki 900s.

Director: Sandy Harbutt | Stars: Deryck Barnes, Sandy Harbutt, Hugh Keays-Byrne, Lex Mitchell

Votes: 1,036

Cool Aussie biker flick, lotsa drivin', cool tunes and little plot.

20. Werewolves on Wheels (1971)

R | 85 min | Horror

A biker gang visits a monastery where they encounter black-robed monks engaged in worshipping Satan. When the monks try to persuade one of the female bikers, Helen, to become a satanic ... See full summary »

Director: Michel Levesque | Stars: Steve Oliver, Donna Anders, Gene Shane, Billy Gray

Votes: 882

A bad biker film and an even worse Werewolf movie. Find a better use for your time

21. The Raid: Redemption (2011)

R | 101 min | Action, Crime, Thriller

73 Metascore

A S.W.A.T. team becomes trapped in a tenement run by a ruthless mobster and his army of killers and thugs.

Director: Gareth Evans | Stars: Iko Uwais, Ananda George, Ray Sahetapy, Donny Alamsyah

Votes: 166,049 | Gross: $4.11M

very good action movie

22. Man on a Ledge (2012)

PG-13 | 102 min | Action, Adventure, Crime

40 Metascore

As a police psychologist works to talk down an ex-con who is threatening to jump from a Manhattan hotel rooftop, the biggest diamond heist ever committed is in motion.

Director: Asger Leth | Stars: Sam Worthington, Elizabeth Banks, Jamie Bell, Mandy Gonzalez

Votes: 133,859 | Gross: $18.62M

I have never seen a movie screenplay so insulting to the viewer. It's one of those films where every thing that happens is revealed at the end to have been part of an impossibly brilliant plan. Unintentional cheese ripening in Bull pucks.

23. School of the Holy Beast (1974)

91 min | Drama, Thriller

In order to investigate her mother's strange death, a woman enters a sacred convent run by hypocritical, perverse nuns.

Director: Noribumi Suzuki | Stars: Yumi Takigawa, Emiko Yamauchi, Yayoi Watanabe, Ryouko Ima

Votes: 1,192

A Japanese nunsploitation movie. Weird, violent and Sacrilegious. Amen.

24. Motel Hell (1980)

R | 101 min | Comedy, Horror, Thriller

64 Metascore

A seemingly friendly farmer and his sister kidnap unsuspecting travelers and bury them alive, using them to create the "special meat" they are famous for.

Director: Kevin Connor | Stars: Rory Calhoun, Paul Linke, Nancy Parsons, Nina Axelrod

Votes: 7,925 | Gross: $6.34M

Sometimes low budget campy horror ages well and sometimes it doesn't. Motel Hell No.

25. Deathsport (1978)

R | 82 min | Action, Drama, Sci-Fi

Futuristic Science Fiction about a sport to the death, using "destructocycles".

Directors: Allan Arkush, Nicholas Niciphor, Roger Corman | Stars: David Carradine, Claudia Jennings, Richard Lynch, William Smithers

Votes: 1,160

Bad, low budget and unentertaining

26. Perfume: The Story of a Murderer (2006)

R | 147 min | Crime, Drama, Fantasy

56 Metascore

Jean-Baptiste Grenouille, born with a superior olfactory sense, creates the world's finest perfume. His work, however, takes a dark turn as he searches for the ultimate scent.

Director: Tom Tykwer | Stars: Ben Whishaw, Dustin Hoffman, Alan Rickman, Francesc Albiol

Votes: 209,477 | Gross: $2.22M

Expensive Euro cheese, very well made. I enjoyed it a lot.

27. The Tripper (2006)

R | 93 min | Comedy, Horror

A Ronald Reagan-obsessed serial killer targets a bunch of hippies who are heading to a weekend-long concert.

Director: David Arquette | Stars: Jaime King, Thomas Jane, Lukas Haas, David Arquette

Votes: 5,503 | Gross: $0.02M

Fairly full of familiar faces. Satire of Reagan, Drugs, and Festivals fails as part of a violent slasher flick. Unpleasant and disappointing.

28. Daikaijû Gamera (1965)

81 min | Horror, Sci-Fi

From out of the arctic comes a gigantic flying, fire-breathing turtle that sets its sights on destroying Tokyo.

Director: Noriaki Yuasa | Stars: Eiji Funakoshi, Harumi Kiritachi, Junichirô Yamashiko, Yoshiro Uchida

Votes: 2,218

I cannot believe that I enjoyed this movie more as a 6 year old than I do now.