No! Please, God, no!!

by choyt19 | created - 17 Nov 2017 | updated - 5 months ago | Public

Named for Marty learning what became of his father in Alternate 1985 in Back to the Future II, but I think this would be far more devastating.

Of late, a lot of skeletons have been falling out of a lot of closets (Goddamnit, Jeffrey Tambor! Seriously?!). This is my list of men who I hope against hope have been keeping their noses clean. I couldn't handle it if they were scumbags.

More to come.

1. Patrick Warburton

Actor | The Emperor's New Groove

Patrick Warburton is known to many for the role of "Puddy" in the hit NBC comedy "Seinfeld," the laconic, enigmatic, quirky Saab salesman and Elaine's boyfriend. Warburton starred for 7 seasons on the hit CBS comedy "Rules of Engagement" with David Spade, Oliver Hudson, and Megyn Price about two ...

2. Stephen Root

Actor | Office Space

Stephen Root, one of today's most prolific character actors, is currently starring in the HBO hit series Barry. The show has been nominated for multiple Emmy's and Golden Globes, earning a total of 32 nominations in its first season. Season two airs March 31st on HBO. In 2018, Stephen played a ...

3. Denzel Washington

Actor | Fences

Denzel Hayes Washington, Jr. was born on December 28, 1954 in Mount Vernon, New York. He is the middle of three children of a beautician mother, Lennis, from Georgia, and a Pentecostal minister father, Denzel Washington, Sr., from Virginia. After graduating from high school, Denzel enrolled at ...

4. Timothy Dalton

Actor | The Living Daylights

At a consistently lean 6' 2", green-eyed Timothy Dalton may very well be one of the last of the dying breed of swashbuckling, classically trained Shakespearean actors who have forged simultaneous successful careers in theater, television and film. He has been comparison-shopped roundly for stepping...

5. John C. McGinley

Actor | Scrubs

John C. McGinley's path to stardom is a story that reads like a classic Hollywood script. While an understudy in New York in the Circle-In-The-Square production of John Patrick Shanley's "Danny and the Deep Blue Sea," he was spotted by director Oliver Stone and soon after was cast in "Platoon," the...

6. Keanu Reeves

Actor | The Matrix

Keanu Charles Reeves, whose first name means "cool breeze over the mountains" in Hawaiian, was born September 2, 1964 in Beirut, Lebanon. He is the son of Patricia Taylor, a showgirl and costume designer, and Samuel Nowlin Reeves, a geologist. Keanu's father was born in Hawaii, of British, ...

7. Michael J. Fox

Actor | Back to the Future

Michael J. Fox was born Michael Andrew Fox on June 9, 1961 in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, to Phyllis Fox (née Piper), a payroll clerk, and William Fox. His parents moved their 10-year-old son, his three sisters, Kelli Fox, Karen, and Jacki, and his brother Steven, to Vancouver, British Columbia, ...

8. Tom Hanks

Producer | Cast Away

Thomas Jeffrey Hanks was born in Concord, California, to Janet Marylyn (Frager), a hospital worker, and Amos Mefford Hanks, an itinerant cook. His mother's family, originally surnamed "Fraga", was entirely Portuguese, while his father was of mostly English ancestry. Tom grew up in what he has ...

9. Bryan Cranston

Actor | Breaking Bad

Bryan Lee Cranston was born on March 7, 1956 in Hollywood, California, to Audrey Peggy Sell, a radio actress, and Joe Cranston, an actor and former amateur boxer. His maternal grandparents were German, and his father was of Irish, German, and Austrian-Jewish ancestry. He was raised in the Canoga ...

10. Samuel L. Jackson

Actor | Pulp Fiction

Samuel L. Jackson is an American producer and highly prolific actor, having appeared in over 100 films, including Die Hard: With a Vengeance (1995), Unbreakable (2000), Shaft (2000), Formula 51 (2001), Black Snake Moan (2006), Snakes on a Plane (2006), and the Star Wars prequel trilogy (1999-2005),...

11. Ryan Reynolds

Actor | Deadpool

Ryan Rodney Reynolds was born on October 23, 1976 in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, the youngest of four children. His father, James Chester Reynolds, was a food wholesaler, and his mother, Tamara Lee "Tammy" (Stewart), worked as a retail-store saleswoman. He has Irish and Scottish ancestry. ...

12. James Marsden

Actor | Hairspray

James Paul Marsden, or better known as just James Marsden, was born on September 18, 1973, in Stillwater, Oklahoma, to Kathleen (Scholz) and James Luther Marsden. His father, a distinguished Professor of Animal Sciences & Industry at Kansas State University, and his mother, a nutritionist, divorced...

13. Christopher Meloni

Actor | Man of Steel

Blessed with a piercing, blue-eyed glint, brawny looks, cocky "tough guy" stance and effortless charisma, TV's Christopher Meloni has grabbed audiences' attention, male and female alike, finding breakthrough small screen stardom playing both sides of the law. Audiences first were taken in by his ...

14. Chadwick Boseman

Actor | Black Panther

Chadwick Boseman is an American actor. He is known for his portrayal of T'Challa / Black Panther in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (since 2016), particularly in Black Panther (2018), and for his starring roles in as Jackie Robinson in 42 (2013), James Brown in Get on Up (2014), and Thurgood Marshall...

15. Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Actor | Inception

Joseph Gordon-Levitt has completed production on the untitled Henry Joost/Ariel Schulman sci-fi film for Netflix in which he stars opposite Jamie Foxx and on the independent thriller, 7500, written and directed by Patrick Vollarth. Among his other projects, he is in development on a variety of ...

16. Neil Patrick Harris

Actor | How I Met Your Mother

Neil Patrick Harris was born in Albuquerque, New Mexico, on June 15, 1973. His parents, Sheila Gail (Scott) and Ronald Gene Harris, were lawyers and ran a restaurant. He grew up in Ruidoso, New Mexico, a small town 120 miles south of Albuquerque, where he first took up acting in the fourth grade. ...

17. John Goodman

Actor | 10 Cloverfield Lane

John Stephen Goodman is a U.S. film, television, and stage actor. He was born in St. Louis, Missouri, to Virginia Roos (Loosmore), a waitress and saleswoman, and Leslie Francis Goodman, a postal worker who died when John was a small child. He is of English, Welsh, and German ancestry. John is best ...

18. Terry Crews

Actor | Idiocracy

Terry Crews was born in Flint, Michigan, to Patricia and Terry Crews, Sr. He earned an Art Excellence Scholarship to attend Western Michigan University and also earned a full-ride athletic scholarship to play football. Crews was an All-Conference defensive end, and was a major contributor on the ...

19. Kevin Kline

Actor | Wild Wild West

Kevin Kline was born in St. Louis, Missouri, to Margaret and Robert Joseph Kline, who owned several stores. His father was of German Jewish descent and his mother was of Irish ancestry. After attending Indiana University in Bloomington, Kline studied at the Juilliard School in New York. In 1972, ...

20. John C. Reilly

Actor | Chicago

Character actor, dramatic leading man, or hilarious comic foil? With an astonishing range of roles already under his belt, John C. Reilly has played an eclectic host of rich characters to great effect over the years, from seedy ne'er-do-wells, to lovable, good-natured schlepps.

The fifth of six ...

21. Kevin Bacon

Actor | Footloose

Kevin Norwood Bacon was born on July 8, 1958 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, to Ruth Hilda (Holmes), an elementary school teacher, and Edmund Norwood Bacon, a prominent architect who was on the cover of Time Magazine in November 1964.

Kevin's early training as an actor came from The Manning Street. ...

22. Bruce Campbell

Actor | Bubba Ho-Tep

In 1979 with his Detroit friends, Sam Raimi and Rob Tapert, Bruce Campbell raised $350,000 for a low-budget film, The Evil Dead (1981), in which he starred and co-executive produced. Completed piecemeal over four years, the film first gained notoriety in England where it became the best-selling ...

23. Tony Shalhoub

Actor | Monk

Anthony Marcus Shalhoub was born and raised in Green Bay, Wisconsin. His father, Joseph Shalhoub, who owned a grocery chain, emigrated from Lebanon to the United States as an orphan at age ten, later marrying Shalhoub's mother, Helen (Seroogy), who herself was born in Wisconsin, to Lebanese parents...

24. Ansel Elgort

Actor | The Fault in Our Stars

Ansel Elgort is an American actor, known for playing Augustus Waters in the romance The Fault in Our Stars (2014) and the title character in the action thriller Baby Driver (2017). He was born in New York City to photographer Arthur Elgort and opera director Grethe Holby. His father is of ...

25. Danny DeVito

Actor | Matilda

Danny DeVito has amassed a formidable and versatile body of work as an actor, producer and director that spans the stage, television and film.

Daniel Michael DeVito Jr. was born on November 17, 1944, in Neptune, New Jersey, to Italian-American parents. His mother, Julia (Moccello), was a homemaker. ...

26. Christopher Lloyd

Actor | Back to the Future

Christopher Lloyd was born on October 22, 1938 in Stamford, Connecticut, USA as Christopher Allen Lloyd. He is an actor, known for Back to the Future (1985), Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) and Clue (1985). He has been married to Lisa Loiacono since November 23, 2016. He was previously married to ...

27. Dwayne Johnson

Actor | Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

Dwayne Douglas Johnson, also known as The Rock, was born on May 2, 1972 in Hayward, California. He is the son of Ata Johnson (born Feagaimaleata Fitisemanu Maivia) and professional wrestler Rocky Johnson (born Wayde Douglas Bowles). His father, from Amherst, Nova Scotia, Canada, is black (of Black ...

28. Rich Koz

Actor | Svengoolie

Rich Koz was born in 1952. He is an actor and producer, known for Svengoolie (1995), Son of Svengoolie (1978) and Screaming Yellow Theatre (1970).

29. John Ottman

Composer | Valkyrie

John Ottman holds dual distinctions as a leading film composer and an award winning film editor. Ottman has often completed both monumental tasks on the same films. Such remarkable double duties have included The Usual Suspects, X-Men 2, Superman Returns, Valkyrie, and Jack the Giant Killer. He has...

30. Danny Elfman

Music_department | The Nightmare Before Christmas

As Danny Elfman was growing up in the Los Angeles area, he was largely unaware of his talent for composing. It wasn't until the early 1970s that Danny and his older brother Richard Elfman started a musical troupe while in Paris; the group "Mystic Knights of Oingo-Boingo" was created for Richard's ...

31. H. Jon Benjamin

Actor | Archer

H. Jon Benjamin was born on May 23, 1966 in Worcester, Massachusetts, USA. He is an actor and writer, known for Archer (2009), Wet Hot American Summer (2001) and Home Movies (1999).

32. William H. Macy

Actor | Fargo

William H. Macy was born on March 13, 1950 in Miami, Florida, USA as William Hall Macy Jr. He is an actor and writer, known for Fargo (1996), Shameless (2011) and Magnolia (1999). He has been married to Felicity Huffman since September 6, 1997. They have two children.

33. Randall Park

Actor | Ant-Man and the Wasp

Randall Park is an American actor, comedian, writer, and director. He was born in Los Angeles, California, to Korean parents, and graduated from the Humanities Magnet Program at Hamilton High School. Park went on to receive a Bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing and a Master's degree ...

34. Chris Evans

Actor | The Avengers

Christopher Robert Evans began his acting career in typical fashion: performing in school productions and community theatre.

He was born in Boston, Massachusetts, the son of Lisa (Capuano), who worked at the Concord Youth Theatre, and G. Robert Evans III, a dentist. His uncle is congressman Mike ...

35. Bill Hader

Actor | The Skeleton Twins

Bill Hader was born on June 7, 1978 in Tulsa, Oklahoma, USA. He is an actor and writer, known for The Skeleton Twins (2014), Inside Out (2015) and Trainwreck (2015). He was previously married to Maggie Carey.

36. Simon Pegg

Actor | Shaun of the Dead

English actor, writer and comedian Simon Pegg was born Simon John Beckingham in Brockworth, Gloucestershire, to Gillian Rosemary (Smith), a civil servant, and John Henry Beckingham, a jazz musician. His parents divorced when Pegg was seven. He later took his stepfather's surname, "Pegg". He was ...

37. Nick Frost

Actor | Paul

Nick Frost is an English actor, screenwriter and comedian. He is known for his work in the series of British comedic genre films The Three Flavours Cornetto trilogy, Shaun of the Dead (2004), Hot Fuzz (2007), and The World's End (2013). He also co-starred in Paul (2011), with frequent collaborator ...

38. John Cho

Actor | Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle

John Yohan Cho was born in Seoul, South Korea, but moved to Los Angeles, California as a child, where his father was a Christian minister. Cho was educated at Herbert Hoover High School at Glendale before moving on to the University of California at Berkeley where he studied English Literature. ...

39. 'Weird Al' Yankovic

Soundtrack | UHF

Few would have guessed that "Weird Al" Yankovic - who as a shy, accordion-playing teenager got his start sending in homemade tapes to the Dr. Demento Radio Show - would go on to become a pop culture icon and the biggest-selling comedy recording artist of all time, with classic song and music video ...

I think we can all agree that if something comes out about him, God should flood the planet and restart humanity from scratch.

40. Christoph Waltz

Actor | Django Unchained

Christoph Waltz is an Austrian-German actor. He is known for his works with American filmmaker Quentin Tarantino, receiving acclaim for portraying SS-Standartenführer Hans Landa in Inglourious Basterds (2009) and bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz in Django Unchained (2012). For each performance, he ...

41. Savage Steve Holland

Director | Better Off Dead...

Marvelously quirky and creative writer, director, producer and animator Savage Steve Holland was born in 1960. Holland earned the childhood nickname Savage after he kicked a kid in the teeth during a soccer game. He studied animation at the California Institute of the Arts. Holland's student ...

42. Kurt Russell

Actor | The Hateful Eight

Kurt Russell was born Kurt Vogel Russell in Springfield, Massachusetts, to Louise Julia (Crone), a dancer, and actor Bing Russell (Neil Oliver Russell). He is of English, German, Scottish and Irish descent. His first roles were as a child on television series, including a lead role on the Western ...

43. Patton Oswalt

Actor | Young Adult

Patton Oswalt has been headlining at comedy clubs all over the United States since 1996, as well as appearing in his own standup specials on Comedy Central and HBO. He was chosen as Entertainment Weekly's "It" comedian in 2002. He is a regular on Late Night with Conan O'Brien (1993). His other ...

44. Jeff Bridges

Actor | The Big Lebowski

Jeffrey Leon Bridges was born on December 4, 1949 in Los Angeles, California, the son of well-known film and TV star Lloyd Bridges and his long-time wife Dorothy Dean Bridges (née Simpson). He grew up amid the happening Hollywood scene with big brother Beau Bridges. Both boys popped up, without ...

45. Wayne Brady

Actor | Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Wayne Brady was born in Columbus, Georgia and lived in Orlando, Florida. At 16, Brady had already decided on a career in the military. Little did he know that a chance performance in a high school play would garner him not only rave reviews but also permanently alter his long-range plans. Soon, he ...



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