Casting a Remake of "How To Marry a Millionaire"

by SweetHotAngel | created - 05 Aug 2012 | updated - 05 Aug 2012 | Public

We'll call the new movie "Gold Diggers: How To Marry a Billionaire." I'll list the original actress/actor first and then my recast. Expect some big changes!!

1. Lauren Bacall

Actress | To Have and Have Not

Lauren Bacall was born Betty Joan Perske on September 16, 1924, in New York City. She is the daughter of Natalie Weinstein-Bacal, a Romanian Jewish immigrant, and William Perske, who was born in New Jersey, to Polish Jewish parents. Her family was middle-class, with her father working as a salesman...

Schatze Page, the brain of the trio of models who decide they have to marry millionaires. Each girl has an older millionaire on the hook, but each girls also has a regular guy also wooing them.

2. William Powell

Actor | The Thin Man

William Powell was on the New York stage by 1912, but it would be ten years before his film career would begin. In 1924 he went to Paramount Pictures, where he was employed for the next seven years. During that time, he played in a number of interesting films, but stardom was elusive. He did ...

J.D. Hanley, Schatze's millionaire. He's a real nice guy and is really in love with Schatze and wants to marry her, but is afraid it's not fair to her since he's so much older.

3. Cameron Mitchell

Actor | The High Chaparral

Cameron Mitchell was the son of a minister, but chose a different path from his father. Prior to World War II, in which he served as an Air Force bombardier, Mitchell appeared on Broadway, and, in 1940, an experimental television broadcast, "The Passing of the Third Floor Back". He made his film ...

Tom Brooklyn, Schatze's regular guy. She doesn't want anything to do with him because she's sure he works pumping gas at a gas station, but she can't deny she likes him.

4. Betty Grable

Actress | I Wake Up Screaming

Elizabeth Ruth Grable was born on December 18, 1916 in St. Louis, Missouri, to Lillian Rose (Hofmann) and John Charles Grable, a stockbroker. She had German, English, Irish, and Dutch ancestry. Her mother was a stubborn and materialistic woman who was determined to make her daughter a star. ...

Loco Dempsey, the model who confuses a hunting lodge with a fraternal organization and operates on other misunderstandings.

5. Fred Clark

Actor | Sunset Blvd.

This popular, baggy-eyed, bald-domed, big lug of a character actor had few peers when called upon to display that special "slow burn" style of comedy few others perfected. But perfect he did -- on stage, film and TV. In fact, he pretty much cornered the market during the 50s and 60s as the dour, ...

Waldo Brewster, Loco's millionaire. He's a cad who's married and wants a fling with Loco. She goes to his lodge because she thinks he's taking her as a friend to a convention where she can meet eligible men.

6. Rory Calhoun

Actor | Motel Hell

Rory Calhoun was born Francis Timothy McCown in Los Angeles, the son of Elizabeth Cuthbert and James McCown. Rory starred in over 80 films and 1,000 television episodes. Before becoming an actor he worked as a boxer, a lumberjack, a truck driver and a cowpuncher. Tall and handsome, he benefited ...

Eben the Forest Ranger, Loco's regular guy. He fills in for his dad driving Breweter and Loco to the lodge. When she finds out what Brewster has in mind she wants to leave, but gets measles, which then Brewster gets. So Loco's stuck up there and Eben woos her.

7. Marilyn Monroe

Actress | Some Like It Hot

Marilyn Monroe was an American actress, comedienne, singer, and model. She became one of the world's most enduring iconic figures and is remembered both for her winsome embodiment of the Hollywood sex symbol and her tragic personal and professional struggles within the film industry. Her life and ...

Pola Debevoise, the ditzy model who won't wear her glasses because she's afraid men won't be attracted to her or find her sophisticated, but that means she can't see anything.

8. Alexander D'Arcy

Actor | The Awful Truth

Alexander D'Arcy was born on August 10, 1908 in Cairo, Egypt as Alexander Sarruf. He was an actor, known for The Awful Truth (1937), Body in the Web (1960) and The St. Valentine's Day Massacre (1967). He was married to Arleen Whelan. He died on April 20, 1996 in West Hollywood, California, USA.

J. Stewart Merril, Pola's "millionaire." He's really not rich at all, but a fraud who is pulling some scam. He wears an eye patch but he can see with that eye.

9. David Wayne

Actor | The Andromeda Strain

His father was an insurance executive; his mother died when he was four. He attended Western Michigan University then worked as a statistician in Cleveland where he joined a Shakespeare repertory company. Two years later he had a minor role in "The American Way" in New York. He was rejected by the ...

Freddie Denmark, Pola's regular guy. He's actually rich and the owner of the upscale apartment the models are subletting while he's out of the country. But he hasn't access to his money because of problems with the IRS. He keeps sneaking in to the apartment to get evidence from his safe to prove his accountant cheated him and keeps running into Pola, who without her glasses assumes he someone else, maybe J.D.

and now the recast!

10. Nicole Kidman

Actress | Moulin Rouge!

Elegant blonde Nicole Kidman, known as one of Hollywood's top Australian imports, was actually born in Honolulu, Hawaii, while her Australian parents were there on educational visas.

Kidman is the daughter of Janelle Ann (Glenny), a nursing instructor, and Antony David Kidman, a biochemist and ...

She actually owns the rights to a remake. So I'll go ahead and recast her as Schatze!

11. Harrison Ford

Actor | Raiders of the Lost Ark

Harrison Ford was born on July 13, 1942 in Chicago, Illinois, to Dorothy (Nidelman), a radio actress, and Christopher Ford (born John William Ford), an actor turned advertising executive. His father was of Irish and German ancestry, while his maternal grandparents were Jewish immigrants from Minsk,...

He's perfect for J.D. Hanley, Schatze's billionaire. He's suave, attractive but getting on in age, so he's perfect for the role. We'll have mixed feelings about him and Schatze.

12. Owen Wilson

Actor | The Royal Tenenbaums

Self-proclaimed troublemaker Owen Cunningham Wilson was born in Dallas, to Irish-American parents originally from Massachusetts. He grew up in Texas with his mother, Laura (Cunningham), a photographer; his father, Robert Andrew Wilson, an ad exec; and his brothers, Andrew Wilson (the eldest) and ...

He's the right one to play Tom Brooklyn, Schatze's regular guy, whose weird and strange and yet also is very charismatic and someone whom Schatze can't resist.

13. Lindsay Lohan

Actress | Mean Girls

Lindsay Dee Lohan was born in New York City on 2 July 1986. Her mother, Dina Lohan (née Donata Melina Nicolette Sullivan), is a former Wall Street analyst, and her father, Michael Lohan, is a businessman and former Wall Street trader. She has Irish, Italian, and German ancestry.

Lohan began her ...

I think Lindsay would make a great recast for Loco. But there's a twist, which you'll discover when I cast her billionaire!

14. Ellen DeGeneres

Producer | Ellen: The Ellen DeGeneres Show

Emmy-winning talk show host Ellen Lee DeGeneres was born in Metairie, Louisiana, a New Orleans suburb. She is the daughter of Betty DeGeneres (née Elizabeth Jane Pfeffer), a speech therapist, and Elliott Everett DeGeneres, an insurance agent. Her brother is musician and producer Vance DeGeneres. ...

And here's the first big change up! Loco is a lesbian and so her billionairess is too! Ellen can pull of this character, someone already married (to another woman) and so what's she's doing is not right, but she's still funny and we don't hate her.

15. Gillian Anderson

Actress | The X Files

Gillian Anderson was born in Chicago, Illinois, to Rosemary Alyce (Lane), a computer analyst, and Homer Edward Anderson III, who owned a film post-production company. She has English, German, and Irish ancestry.

Gillian started her career as a member of an amateur actor group while at high school. ...

So of course Loco's regular guy has to be a regular girl. So Gillian is Eben the Forest Ranger.

16. Jim Parsons

Actor | The Big Bang Theory

Having grown up in Houston, and its northern suburb of Spring, he made his first stage appearance in a school play at the age of 6. Parsons then went on to study theater at the University of Houston. From there he won a place on a two-year Masters course in classical theater at the University of ...

Here's the second big change. I'm casting Pola as a gay man! Jim Parsons will do a great job! Just like the original Pola, he is a model, as all three leads are. I think it might be amusing to have a scene where's he impersonating Marilyn Monroe!

17. David Hyde Pierce

Actor | Frasier

David Hyde Pierce was born on 3 April 1959 in Saratoga Springs, New York, USA. He is the youngest child of George and Laura Pierce (both deceased) and has two older sisters (Barbara and Nancy) and an older brother (Thomas). As a child, he was very interested in music (particularly piano) and ...

J. Stewart Merrill, Pola's billionaire. In my remake he'd have a bigger role than the character in the original. He's still a scam artist though. What he's plotting that makes him want to fool Pola? Maybe he just wants to get in his pants and knows Pola's looking for a rich guy?

18. Matt Bomer

Actor | The Normal Heart

Matthew Staton Bomer was born in Webster Groves, Greater St. Louis, Missouri, to Elizabeth Macy (Staton) and John O'Neill Bomer IV, a Dallas Cowboys draft pick. Matt was raised in Spring, Texas, and educated at Klein High School, near Houston. After school, he attended Carnegie Mellon University in...

Freddie Denmark, Pola's regular guy. He's going to have to wear glasses just like Pola. I think it would be cool if Pola is all dressed up like Marilyn, coming home after doing a show, each time Freddie is in the apartment and Pola sees him and thinks he must be a friend of Schatze's.

I really think it would be cool to have the film have the three types of couples: Two gay men, two lesbians, and a straight opposite sex couple. Equal opportunity Gold Diggers!