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bernie minim
Reviews
Chrome Soldiers (1992)
Who writes this dreck?
Warning, spoiled plot, or I guess I mean PLOT SPOILERS. It certainly reeks! Gary Busey, an Air Force Colonel and hero of desert storm goes to visit his older brother in a town in Oregon, but his brother is murdered before he arrives. He calls his old friend Yaphet Kotto, who then calls the rest of the old gang from Viet Nam (wait...they were ground pounders, but he's in the Air Force?) who all show up (four, not three) for the funeral on their bikes wearing colors (Chrome Soldiers...."not what you think, it was part of our therapy when we came back from Viet Nam.") I can't figure how they got the bikes there, especially the guy from New Jersey. Just one more plot hole. Of course they begin to suspect something when they find the dead brother's safe and it's contents. I loved it when the NJ guy starts to crack the safe. 8 he says, then 23. Busey says 8-23-1948. None of them understand. Like, duh! Don't let these guys play with sharp objects. Anyway the bad guys are all revealed early, and the conspiracy as well. There is a big involvement of boats as transport, but as far as I can tell they are on a mountain lake! So when the big boat pulls in and the new bad guy gets off and is asked, "how was your trip?" I about died. Meanwhile, GB has left his girlfriend to guard the gate at the meeting ground, while he and his buds go on up to "get set up" which consists of lighting a lantern, conveniently present, and building the wimpiest fire you can imagine. I wonder if she will get in trouble. Nah, that would be TOO OBVIOUS!!!!! Then, there are the non-breakable molotovs, and the non-flammable gasoline. Oh, and the brother was murdered after he called the DEA, but that's ok, because THEY DIDN'T COME. Right. Gary Busey is about as expected. Yaphet Kotto is much better than this. And William Atherton is a pathetic bad guy, with a stupid, twitchy psychotic henchman. So I want to know. Do the writers of this junk think we are all ignorant, or are they actually this stupid and divorced from reality themselves? If you can get past the plot chasms, then you will find a mediocre town conspiracy vigilante justice movie that's been done better many times. Something to do the dishes by.
Rollerball (2002)
Take those people's names...
Write them (director, producer, etc) down, and don't ever ever ever see anything remotely associated with them, unto the fourth generation. I admit, I am a long time Rollerball fan, and I had read somewhere that such people might appreciate this. WRONG. I probably would have rented it even if I had read the comments here first, but at least I would have expected (expectorated) excrement. This is not the worst movie I have ever seen. It wasn't truly sick, and the idea of the whole thing taking place in the "'Stans" (as in As;ugousdrhstan) was kind of cool. I thought maybe it was a prequel, until they started with the Jon A Ton chant (four months into it and he's the greatest player ever.) When he throws his hat to the crowd, I knew for sure it was just a pathetic remake. And while James Caan went with his helmet unbuckeled for much of the movie, he was too cool to touch. Our (hero?) must glue his helmet (or maybe nails it on) to his head, because he keeps it on until the near end. I have a generally low taste threshold in movies. I like a good flic, but I can tolerate nearly anything and find some enjoyment. The only redeeming social value I can place on this is to see the original with all its textures and the Albionini music, and then see this to compare just how bad and wrong a remake can possibly be. I thought "The Last Castle" was pitiful as a remake of "The Hill," but it had enjoyment value. This has nothing. Nothing. Not even half way decent gratuitous violence. Nothing. Pathetic.
One Way Out (2002)
An OK variant on the bad cop morality play
Ever since "Thief" Jim Belushi has been one of those names that draw me past the mediocre reviews to give the movie a chance. Here, Jim plays a morally bankrupt police Inspector who is forced to participate in planning a murder. Things go awry, and eventually he is pulled into the investigation. A couple of coincidences add to the plot complications, and events unravel from there. Except for the opening scene (I mean, how often does this ever happen, except all the time in the movies) this is a reasonable, unpretentious movie, not really a whodunnit in the classic sense, but develops such elements later on. The acting is pro forma, but not bad; the cliches are no worse than normal, and the ending was, to me at least, predictable without being telegraphed. For a low budget, filmed in Canada (Montreal) movie, it was OK. 7 of 10 for meeting expectations, 4 of 10 for general quality.
Westward the Women (1951)
A good movie with a GREAT ending
At a time when the censors ruled the day and everything had to be wholesome and moral, the makers of this movie snuck in the single funniest scene I think I have seen. In an era of American Pie, most may not find this as hilarious as do I, but within it's historical context (1950) this is something to appreciate.
Jacques Brel Is Alive and Well and Living in Paris (1975)
JB is alive and well and living with me
I originally heard this on borrowed vinyl many years ago. When it appeared on cable, I had the foresight to videotape it, and have had the pleasure of watching it numerous times. I recently bought the soundtrack CD, replacing my worn out audio tape, and I listen while driving, singing all the wonderful songs at the top of my lungs, and seeing the video in my mind's eye. I am sure it is not for everyone, and it is way outside my usual musical or movie tastes, but for me it is the berries. True story-I was riding on a ski lift with a couple of strangers, and one was trying to describe this strange musical he had seen to his partner. I piped in with the name, etc. How unlikely- one of the twelve people who ever saw this was there when needed! But beware: this sure ain't rock and roll.
Forgotten (1999)
Interesting modern English village whodunnit
This was presented in the US on Public Television's "Mystery" in three parts, which I taped and watched in one sitting. Amanda Burton is outstanding in a role which is slow to develop but full of passion. Overall, a great sense of drama and betrayal, filled with characters of no great physical beauty but considerable dimension. I did have some problems with the accents and dialog, although I generally have less difficulty with this than most Americans. While I thought I had sussed out the mystery, I found myself second guessing and the ending is a stunner. Certainly more demanding than most of the "Mystery" offerings, and maybe for a certain palate. Oh, and the lead detective is certainly unique.
Greenmail (2002)
Adequate fare, but you've seen it before (but why Greenmail?)
Greenmail is an economic term having to do with corporate takeovers. This is a story about ecological activism gone awry. During a night time mission for water samples explosions occur, and someone dies. The ATF is called in and the story proceeds. The whole thing is quite predictable, and you know what is going on from fairly early. There is frequent (probably fewer than 400 times) referral to events "15 years ago" (when Stephen Baldwin was in diapers, I think,) although they have only passing importance to the story line. Since there are bombs, there is plenty of the usual dithering about wires and the normal Hollywood detachment from the real world. For example, why is there always such a ready supply of Semtex and C4? On the other hand, there is one really great line, and when someone takes a torso shot wearing body armor, it HURTS. Amazing. In general, not bad, not good. Baldwin is OK, Tom Skerrit can do it in his sleep but D.B. Sweeney could have been replaced by a rock and you wouldn't notice.
The Last Castle (2001)
A laughable, implausible feel-good remake of a quality film
I am fan of both Robert Redford and James Gandolfini(at least pre-Sopranos,) and although I knew this was a Hollywoodized remake of a really good movie, I expected it to be at least passable. I saw it recently on DVD. What a joke. They are all really good at heart, just misunderstood. As though a military prison runs with the same lack of discipline as a civilian one. And (MINOR SPOILER, I suppose) just where did they hide the trebuchet? Anyway, see the original, "The Hill,(1965)" with Sean Connery. No explosions, b&w, no feel good ending, but a movie to remember.
The Spitfire Grill (1996)
A magnificent, must see movie if you don't just like explosions.
I first saw this on an airplane (I never watch movies on planes) because I was bored and I thought it was the diverting Holly Hunter movie, "The Spitfire Girl." It quickly caught my interest. I taped it when it came on cable, and have seen it several times since. So many great performances, such passion and emotion. I like big, noisy, violent movies a lot, but this is the kind of small, quiet movie that I remember.