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A movie of swashbuckling action, almost naked voodoo ladies, people with sea creatures for faces, love, a monkey, and Keith Richards dressed in drag.
Well well well...what have we here? A sequel, daresay, to a very successful movie from the past. A movie of swashbuckling action, almost naked voodoo ladies, people with sea creatures for faces, love, a monkey, and Keith Richards dressed in drag. Maybe I missed the point? I don't know, but those where the things that stood out the most.
After a long wait for its fans, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Mans Chest (henceforth called PotC:DMC) has finally been released, and no, unlike what my friend said, its not Rated Arrrrrr! (HAHAHAHAHA!!! LAUGH! Or I will KILL YOU!!!) Okay, stupid puns over, could this movie stand up to the first? Or would it just fall into that fast growing heap of movies that suffer sequelitis, a terrible condition where the sequel to a popular and successful movie is there just to cash in on its popularity. It makes no sense, has terrible acting, an atrocious plot, and bombs at the box-office.
I have to say, yes, it does stand up to the first, and in some ways, overshadows it. But, at the same time, it still falls into a slight case of sequelitis. The best overall way to approach this movie is without a brain. It isn't an overly complicated movie, and is more like one of those movies you just go to and enjoy, pretty much like the first one.
Like the first one, the movie is big, fun, and boisterous. Colorful characters, vibrant scenery, and lots of swashbuckling sword fights. Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) returns as the central story character, whereas in the first, he was a side character that stole the show. William Turners (Orlando Bloom) story gets placed on the backburner this time, as his and Elizabeths (Keira Knightley, a slightly manlier version of Orlando Bloom) love story isn't as important this go around. Depps portrayal of Sparrow again leaves all of us in amazement as he has yet to win a Best Actor award. Even though his character is a bit, uhmm, lets say light-footed, he is still a riot to watch. And, a side of Jack Sparrow you thought you would never see does come out near the climax of the film, and Depp plays it off perfectly. Depp is so convincing as Sparrow, but then again, when has Depp NOT been convincing.
Now, on the side of evil, we have yet another baddie that rivals Darth Vader as best acted villain of all time. Of course, its squid boy himself, Davy Jones (Bill Nighy), who wants Sparrows soul to join his crew of dead/undead/half-dead/sea creature/people/things on his ship, The Flying Dutchman. Bill Nighy, who happens to play one of my favorite rolls in my favorite movie (He was Philip, the step-father from Shaun of the Dead), ALMOST steals the show from Depp in his portrayal of the famed Jones. His story is a sad one, and at times, you almost feel sorry for him, not unlike the way you felt for Barbossa in the first film. Yeah, hes an evil S.O.B., but what he wants is so simple, yet so hard to obtain. A truly beautiful, yet terribly tragic character.
As far as the rest of the cast is concerned, for the most part they did well. Some of the side plots involving Bloom and Knightley were average, at best. But, I am not saying they did not entertain. Knightleys side story was exceptionally well done, and her acting is getting better with age. Bloom, on the other hand, seems to have hit a spot where he does the same character in every movie. It works for him, obviously, but it just doesn't do much for his credibility.
Now, as far as the movie itself is concerned, if you liked the first one be prepared, because it is more of the same. Just bigger. Bigger fights, bigger explosions, bigger ships, bigger monsters, and of course, bigger laughs. But, the first film had its flaws, and expect those to get bigger here in the second one as well. Really, the biggest flaw (aside from the absence of a Keira Knightley nude scene) is the only one worth mentioning: the plot. The plot in this movie seems so convoluted, so confusing, and that is the problem. It is a very simple plot at heart, and they try to do so many things with it. The first movie was so great because it was so simple. This film just tries to hard.
I'm not saying it was a bad movie by any means. It was probably the best movie so far this year, and the most fun I have had at the theater in a LONG time. After you start having fun, you don't notice any of the small flaws. Even Orlando starts to become entertaining! My opinion, go see it. It is well worth it. It may not be the deepest movie out there, or the best written, nor does it have the best acting (Depp and Nighy aside). But it does have heart, and you can tell that everyone involved in this movie had a lot of fun. And thats what it is all about. Have fun, and hope that the fun gets transposed onto film, and into the audience. And that, this film has accomplished beautifully!
AVP: Alien vs. Predator (2004)
Well, I saw this movie for the first time today. I know, its been out for two years. Well, I heard all the bad press, and I didn't want to ruin two of my favorite franchises with one simple movie. But, I was bored, and decided that today, will be my day.
So, I watched it. Wow. I hate that I waited so long to see this movie. I put it off for two years, I should have seen it in the cinema.
Imagine hearing that someone was going to cut the skin off of your face. Now, imagine that you could have had it done right as soon as you heard about it, or you where given the choice to put it off for a couple years. Now, imagine waiting that two years, knowing that it's going to happen. Every day you just get one step closer to the worst pain you have ever felt in your life. Then the day comes, and as it is happening, all you can think to yourself is you should have gotten it done the day you found out, instead of waiting. Cause the pain is so much worse now.
That is exactly the way this movie was for me. EXACTLY the way it was. Well, maybe not exactly. This was actually worse than that! The plot had so many holes in it, I thought it was that pair of socks you have that you wear everyday, and have worn them since 1994, because they are you're lucky socks. Sure, they smell a little, and there isn't much cloth yet, but I can't just throw them away! Not only was the plot terrible, lets talk about acting, because apparently, they did not discuss it before casting anyone for this debacle! Cookie cutter lines muttered by people who's names you don't even know until they are about to die, and someone just screams their name saying "God no! Please don't die! I've known you for five whole minutes! PLEASE GOD WHY! WHY TAKE....uhmm...Jonathon? FROM ME!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!!!" And lastly, let's get down to the real subject matter. Aliens fighting predators. Seriously, how do you screw that up? You could have the two picking their noses and it would work. They could hold battle raps and it would be an entertaining fight (GROWL!!! SNARL SNARL SNARL!!! GURGLE GURLGE!!! YO MOMMAS A HOE!).
THERE ARE TWO FIGHTS IN THIS MOVIE!!! TWO!!! What? How do you get two fights in a movie that has a runtime of one hour and forty minutes? Wait, that is including the 12 minutes of credits, isn't it....yeah it is. Okay, one hour, twenty-eight minutes. TWO FIGHTS?!?!?!? And those weren't even that entertaining. Seriously, I told my friend to give me five minutes, and I bet I could come up with a plot outline that makes more sense and is a million times more entertaining. It took me all of thirty seconds to have an entire plot line written, and here it is for your pleasure:
Alien Vs Predator (the none sucky version)
Movie opens with a predator fighting an alien.
Then, more aliens come, and the fight starts to get real intense.
Then more predators come, and the fight gets insane.
This fight lasts for an hour and a half.
Predators win. The End.
BAM! See, you KNOW that is more entertaining. Now, Paul Anderson has made one really good movie, and two movies that were okay. Yes, he is a step above Uwe Boll...but still. How do you take the awesomeness that this movie could have been, and make a crap-fest of it all? Yes, crap-fest was the best I could come up with. The thesaurus didn't have anything under crap fest...except flapdoodle....which I considered for a bit.
Anyway, this movie sucks more than any sucking thing has ever sucked. I give it 1 star.