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official i was there first girl .
Based on the Novel is an Understatement
I can't believe that Order of the Phoenix was based on the 5th installment of the Harry Potter series. There have been complaints about what was cut from the book, but this is just mind blowing. To begin with, months before the movie's release I rushed to the book and reread it, couldn't wait to see my favorite parts on the big screen. As a child I'd originally read the book just picturing Ron's tottery attitude in the Department of Mysteries while being attacked by the brain. I wanted to watch him try out for the Quidditch team- "Weasley is our King", anyone? I'm sure I'm not the only one who couldn't wait to see Hermione's plans for the house elfs, he mention of Percy and his family issues? Snape's worst memories were what I'd really been waiting for. You can imagine my astonishment when I got that 2 minute snort or blurry fuzz.
Let's just say, I'd packed a wad of tissue paper in my pockets for this movie. Sirius' death scene was what killed me. He fell through the veil and it was over. Not even the slow motion clips of Harry, held back by Lupin, calling for him made my eyes water. I was looking for something dramatic. Sirius Black, Harry's only living family member, is dead. Can we get something better than a gasp and a rather fast moving demise?
Let's home Half Blood Prince isn't as big of a let down....
Am I Missing A Joke?
I'm beginning to think that the majority of teenage girls are attracted to sappy story lines, idealistic lifestyles, and fantasy lovers. Bella Swan is an average looking girl who moves to Forks and meets Edward Cullen, absolutely the perfect male. The books couldn't go one sentence without describing how pretty this boy is, let alone a paragraph without mentioning that Bella is liked by about four boys at once and still claims to be an average looking teenager. The movies, at least, have got this right. Kristen Stewart is strikingly homely and, along with Robert Pattinson, a very attractive young actor, the two make the ideal couple. How quaint.
So, this dream-guy, he mets Bella Swan (Translated to meaning 'beautiful', 'graceful'. COMPLETELY average, right?) and the two are instantly in love. The movie displays this quick affection in what seems to be a matter of days. Besides the cliché plot, the Romeo and Juilet story line, and having to deal with Stephanie Meyer calling herself the modern day Shakespeare, it's the bad acting you have to put up with. This is mainly due to Kristen Stewart's horrible ability, not Pattinson's. She spends most of the film making a face as if she's sucked a lemon dry, and talks in the deepest voice ever heard. Why is this girl an actor?
So, it didn't help that I think the books are a slap in the face to literature. It doesn't help that I couldn't stand in a room with Stephanie Meyer or Kristen Stewart. It also doesn't help that I prefer good writing, a good plot, and good actors. But, if you're going to go see Twilight, bring your iPod.
Hannah Montana (2006)
Are You Kidding Me?
Why is Miley Cyrus popular? She can't act and, holy hell, she can't sing. She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. So, really, what's the catch? Are her sparkly Limited Too outfits just eye catching? Do the pictures of her on the internet make her any more attractive? She wishes. Do you laugh uncontrollably when she makes jokes on her show? I'd be astounded. Is it Billy Ray Cyrus featured on the program that makes you jump for joy? I doubt he has any lasting fans.
Not even the story line is tolerable. Girl is famous but with a secret identity to protect her. And, believe it or not, this secret identity remains a secret because of the dingy little wig she wears during her shows. This isn't a cartoon- people don't just not recognize you because of a little black mask you wear over your eyes.
So, you'll like it if you're under the age of 12. Maybe 13, if you're immature. Watch it- make this the most popular show on television if you'd like. At least I don't have to look at that mousy face for a half an hour.
Really, Guys? Really !?
Was the new thing for 2008 bad acting, horrible story lines, and unbelievable plots? I thought Disney channel was more prone to those aspects. Apparently, I thought wrong. "The Secret Life of the American Teenager", to begin with, isn't all that secret. Teenager has sex and get pregnant- since when has this story line been unheard of? In fact, the reason that makes this plot so unbelievable is that this to-be mother is a social-disaster, a band geek, that would normally never do something so 'unheard of' until the night she gets drunk and sleeps with the most popular boy in school.
What bothers me the most, of course, is the acting; I'd thought I'd seen the worst while watching Miley Cyrus stumble through her own show. How people can sit in front of a television screen and watch these kids 'act' is beyond me. The thing running through my mind while being forced against my will to watch this horrible program? "How did this make it past a pilot episode?"
So, my conclusion is this: the only watchers of this program are only watching it to poke fun at it, which is actually a pretty entertaining thing to do. However, by doing this, we are only boosting the show's viewers. It's all good- I don't think I've laughed this hard since the first Austin Powers movie.