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36 reviews in total 
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2012 (2009/I)
2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
John Cusak is Superman, 20 November 2009

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I give this movie a 5 because of Special Effects. They are spectacular, but I also reserve some points for actor John Cusak. Not only is he fastest human being ever, but he can defy gravity, withstand explosions and apparently is a better driver than the Indy 500 racers. I will not spoil the movie, but there is one scene I must tell you about.

*Spoiler* he is apparently outrunning flaming fires in Yellowstone Park to get to a camper where he must find the map to the location of the arks of salvation. Naturally he finds it in time, but just as the ground opens up and swallows him and the camper up.....but wait, that's not,no,no, somehow he held on to the concrete(even though it must be smoldering hot) and managed not only to climb out ,but to muster up enough strength to catch up to his family in the plane. But here is the best part..His clothes were picture perfect. Not even a little dust. Mind you this was the same clothes he had on when he apparently almost fell to his fiery death. I'm convinced John Cusak is Superman.

If you enjoyed this scene, then there are about 10 more on the way.

If you are a John Cusak fan; like me, then you will enjoy his performance, if not, then you are in for a crappy time, because the rest of the movie was just an unbelievable, cliché filled, emotionless, disaster movie. Way to go Hollywood.LOL!!!!!

Mutants (2008)
12 out of 19 people found the following review useful:
what crap, 9 November 2009

First of all I'm gonna use the only other member who thought it would be an act of mercy to review this movie, because his premise is good.I say act of mercy, because this movie is pure rubbish. It seems like a reject that not even the Sci-Fi would be dumb enough to run.

"The greedy Braylon (Richard Zeringue) owns the Just Rite Sugar Company and has hired the unethical scientist Sergei (Armando Leduc) to conduct an experiment to make an addictive sugar stronger than heroin or nicotine to increase his sales. Sergei uses invisible people as test subjects, like beggars, addicted junkies and illegals, in the clandestine Shadow Rock Mill. When Braylon's men mistakenly kidnap Ryan (Derrick Denicola), who is the brother of his secretary Erin (Sharon Landry) and son of his security chief Griff (Louis Herthum), and Hannah (Jessica Heap), the youngster becomes an important non-contaminated subject. However, Erin receives some mysterious e-mails from the unknown Cinderella with a picture of Ryan and a hint that he might be in Shadow Rock and together with her father, they decide to seek out Ryan."

Now that you know the premise, let me tell you why I chose to purchase this movie. This is a quote right from the cover." The French does zombies? Hey, Why not? The Irish did zombies and so did the Scottish, so now it's the Frenchs' turn. Word to the wise. There are no Zombies in this movie. It's just as the above premise reads. It's that boring. I will however add that once again some douchbag director has decided to completely waste the talent of Micheal Ironside. He plays a tough guy soldier and does kick ass, but common; his dialog is more suited for Van Damme. Anyway the movie is completely haneous even for a Sci- Fi entry and for some oddball reason it even stars Stevan Bauer. Yeah...that's Manny from Scarface.

Do yourself a favor and pick the toe jam out of your toes before watching this flick.

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
New look on an old classic, 21 June 2009

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I'll straight out say that I have chosen the spoiler option, because it's very hard to review this movie without mentioning key parts of the movie. There are many things I liked about this remake. Actually the word remake is not correct. It's more like an overhaul of the original 4 first parts of the series. Like I said; there are many aspects about the movie that I really enjoyed, but there are a few which I completely despise. One being how Jason finds his hokey mask. A six year old could have came up with a better scenario than the one used here, but first the things I liked about the movie- 1. Interesting way to combine the first four chapters, while at the same time adding in a few twists. Most notably the first 15- 20 minuets. It's almost a mini version of parts 1 & 2. Actually part 1 was to already have taken place, since we are introduced to Jason's mom being beheaded in the first 5 minuets. the first group of campers are offed very nicely in the first 15 minuets of the movie with one of those actually being spared. I will get to that in the second half of the review. The gore is nice and the kills are very gruesome...and of course we get some T&A to make the formula believable. If you have seen the Bloidy Valentine remake, then you can compare those two beginnings.

2. Not a comedy: This is indeed good horror with the proper atmosphere in a horror movie. Think back to part 6; which for me was when the original series became a joke. The five campers playing paint ball and the fact that Jason started killing in broad daylight was the darkest day in Friday history. You won't get any of that in this movie. No one dies in plain daylight and while there will be a few characters who add comic relief; there time of demise is never a joke.

3. Acting; I liked it. To me there was good character development. At least in the second group of campers there was. Chewy, Laurence, Clay and even the obnoxious Trent were all fun to watch. There characters are likable, but not so much that one will cry when there time is up.

4. Backstory: I'm not usually a fan of this, but this one told the story in a pretty convincing way. We actually get to s4e the young Jason see his Mother decapitated and go retrieve her remains. This certainly shows his maniacal vengeful ways on unsuspecting campers.

5. The Kills: very original and exciting ways to die. Pay close attention since the majority either expand or give a new twist to older killings. The killings never truly seem rehashed and that's why they are very effective. Theree is also plenty of blood and gore for the hounds to admire.

6. Attractive cast: here is where they borrow from part 4, since it also had a very attractive and well known cast. This remake has very nice female as well as male actors they they stay true to what teens in horror movies do. Drink ,have sex , and party.

7. Jason: I really did enjoy the new Jason a lot. Kane Hodder did an excellent job in the Friady series, but towards the end he started to become the butt of the joke. Here we have a new Jason. This one seems to be actually pretty smart for he constructs some sort of underground tunnels for easy access in surprising the never ending group of campers who just seem to be to brave for their own good.

...things I didn't like: 1. the mask: As I already mentioned, I really despise how Jason comes across his iconic facial apparel. It really turns out to be a great let down, since the way he finds it: reveals nothing new nor exciting. It's a also a real sorry way to insert one of the most bile characters in the series. Some backwards inbred F**K who has sex with mannequins. I was only too happy to see him go. Here is where Jason finds his mask. Literally; he just finds it under some materials in the barn. Epic fail in my book.

2. Jason keeps a hostage: never in his dead life has Jason ever opted to keep a victim alive. He just has no use for them. Herew is seems that he actually feeds her to remain strong enough. We never quite figure out Jason's intention, only to add on another storyline behind the Storyline. It could also be to insert the "looking for my missing sister" theme? Either way the sister in question; Whitney, must have really sweet talked Jason into not killing her, because in the first 15 mines of the movie we last find poor Whitney seconds away from being sliced and diced. Did Jason stop his machete in mid air and say "I think I'll keep this one?" I think not.LOL Those were the only two aspects that I really despised form the movie, but over all, I thought it was one of the better remakes in the last few years. Between this and the Valentine's remake; I prefer this one. Incidentally both this and the aforementioned Bloody valentine feature the two main actors from the series Super Natural in lead roles. Coincidence? What I'm really hoping for is a remake of parts 5-10, with part five being totally eliminated this time around. That's the one, where Jason isn't even the Killer. What I would like is for this new remakes to completely hack away the tongue in cheek humor of those movies and just stick to good ogle horror. Do that and your half way there.

Freakshow (2007) (V)
0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
A real Freakshow, 5 May 2009

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

My summery title might seem negative, but it's really quite positive. I read all reviews to see if someone might mention it, but no one did. The 1970's movie called "Snuff". I'll get back to that later.

Freakshow is a supposed remake of Tod Brownings cult classic "Freaks" I can't recall seeing that movie, but it's plot seems familiar. Freakshow borrows from that storyline, but of course in a much more gruesome and vindictive way. There are no good and bad people in this movie and here is why. While the group of criminals working as hired help at the circus were clearly conniving individuals with horrid intentions; they never actually killed anyone up until they felt threatened by the presence of a young mongoloid. The Freaks on the other hand; really got pleasure out of murder.

Now while the last 10 minutes do merit the actions taken against Rebeka Cochan; it still baffles me as to why the Freaks ; who were supposed to be the "good" ones had to do it? I often compare movies to other ones in certain parts. This one has a bit of Ruggero Deodato's "Cannibal.." in it. You have the group of explorers who find the young natives and torture and humiliate them for kicks. Here two of the hired hand find the young mongoloid girl in the tent while they are looting it and decide to shut her up by killing her and leaving her on the ferris wheel for the others to find. First off; this is really stupid. I mean who else are the Freaks gonna think did it? The same kind of revengeful action is taken on the criminals as was in Deodato's film. The Freaks hunt down each criminal and murder them in Circus fashion. Sledghammer to the head, knife thrown at the gut. Lee;played by Mark Preston Miller even has one more fling with the cannibal girl before she rips at his throat.

The one who gets it the worst is poor Rebekah. Though, she was the one who plotted the whole thing and pardon the expression "used" Lon for her own get rich scheme; she still didn't kill anyone.

So far the movie has been very enjoyable. There is vintage music in the soundtrack, giving it a real old circus feeling. The way it's filmed also had a slight orange hue to it. Giving it a classic look and the majority of the "Freaks" were actually real oddities. This might be the only reason the movie was banned in 43 countries, but read on....

The last 10 or so minutes are what caught me off guard in every sense of the word. When the group finally discloses Rebekah and her scheme; Lon's partner or wife, we never really know, tells him that he can keep his trophy wife, but she needs to become part of the family. What follows next is one of the most gruesome transformations of a human being into a freak I have ever seen. You can best compare these scene to the now underground cult classic "Snuff" or maybe even "Maniac" The poor Rebekah is sliced diced and sewn together to literally become the show's newest attraction...."Worm Girl" Horror fans should definitely get a jolt out of this scene. While it might repulse those who are squeamish it is definitely sweet revenge and the unexpected finale to the movie Freakshow. Appalling, gory and shocking. That makes a good Horror film.

2 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Angels or Demons, 11 November 2008

I just read one review which really caught my attention. I was originally ready with a different premise for my review, but upon reading this one review, my aspect really changed about the movie.

The reviewer in question refers to the two young sadistic young men as angels. I couldn't understand why this one reviewer thought that; then it dawned on me. One: we are never really told where they come from. They just appear. Two: they are dressed completely in white. Tennis apparel and white gloves, but non the less in white. Three: The two young men somehow have the ability to break the fourth wall and alternate the film to their liking....but why angles? Why not devils? They certainly show no characteristics of Angels whatsoever. In one scene they ask Naomi Watts to pray to her GOD for salvation, but in such a fashion that only ridicules her even more. So these angels are suddenly and without a question demons.

Keeeping that in mind, the movie will make a lot more sense, once you realize you are not watching the latest Tarrantino like film. Even the casting of Tim Roth might make you believe just that. The movie is actually a remake of Michael Haneke's own Australian version. I have never seen that version, but this one struck me short of Brilliance. No over the top action or explosions, but rather a sort of "arthouse" film with many quirky scenes, that seem like the updated version of AClock Work Orange or even an acted out Manson murder spree.

The two Demons in question are played brilliantly by Michael Pitt and Brady Corbet. I remember Pitt from the movie Murder By Numbers. His role isn't to far away from that one. Only that instead of a High School outcast he is now a a straight out evil Deity. Brady is equally stunning as the less dominant, but still evil counterpart to Pitt. They seem to be brothers, but we are never really absolutely sure? The great thing about their roles is that they are unsparingly polite. Gramatically correct and perfect to a tee. The kind of young men any parent would welcome to their house. This is when everything becomes completely twisted. For while they seem Angel-like, there is still an aura about their presence which leaves the viewer feeling uneasy and almost expecting the unexpected. The turn of events when the Angels become devils is almost to perfect not to detect their immediate transformation.

The rest of the cast consists of the family being tortured. Naomi Watts, who readily plays the role of Mother and Father, since Tim Roth; who plays the father is incapacitated early in the film. Their young son; Devon Gearheart, does an incredibly convincing role as their terrified 10 year old son.

I will say that Funny Games is anything ,but funny. If you want a happy American ending search elsewhere. This is a harsh statement on the American society's fascination with Horror and torture and displays just that. Gore hounds will also be disappointed, since all the death scenes take place off camera, but if you are looking for an entertaining film with originality and brilliant performances than give it a watch. Definitely one of the best from that year.

Home Sick (2007)
0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Home Made Gore, 23 October 2008

This is a great movie for all gore fans. It has wackiness, Horror ,a bit a of dementia and plenty of gore and blood.

The premise is pretty crazy; as a room full of friends get together for a reunion of sorts. They are soon visited by Mr. Suitcase; who is wonderfully portrayed by Horror icon Bill Mosely. If you are familiar with his Otis character, then you know what to expect. He shows up with a suitcase full of razors,asks the kids to name specific people they hate and then performs a manic self inflicting blood letting act on himself. This somehow has conjured up some Demon like beast right out of Tobe Hoopers Fun House to kill off the said mention hated people. One of the friends actually just names "Everyone in the room" out of spite, not knowing what he has caused. Bill Mosley's scene reminded me of the crazy hitch hiker in 1976's Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

The only other two actors I recognized are Tom Towels as the twisted Red neck uncle and Tiffany Shepis as the vixen. She bares her boobs and soul as she actually does a great performance upon finding her dead mother.She really has developed into a horror scream queen herself and I really wish Rob Zombie would get her to act in his next film.

The rest of the actors are their for support mainly and they act bad on purpose. It's so over the top, that you know the director calls for it. These kids are really messed up. Dark circles around the eyes, maniacal laughter and are gore hounds themselves....and they die in the goriest and nastiest fashions imagined. I also found it funny to see that the one level headed character; Mark, played by Forrest Pitts; actually has a sort of Brad Pitt look and Accent.

Did I mention the gore? Buckets & Buckets and yet still looked Tom Savini worthy. there are also bone crunches, decapitations, and head bashing. In fact the head kills seems to be the demon's first choice when hacking and slashing.

All in All this flick is a great entry into Horror/Gore cinema. I recommend for all fans of the genre.

6 out of 13 people found the following review useful:
best film of the year, 21 September 2008

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

What the hell is it about this film that some people don't like? It's a great film anyway, you slice it. Bad plot, bad acting, bad directing. What makes you people experts.

This movie is a Godsend, it really is. You have two icons of film like DeNiro and Pacino together in a semi action cop thriller. These two put together are what is great acting. It's pretty straight forward without any confusing plots or characters. Everyone is pretty much a bad ass with not many much emotional ties to anyone else. It's a dark raw movie. If you are looking for sentimental crap, stay clear. Everyone suspects everyone and vice versa. The most sentimental character is Al Pacino, so that should tell you everything there? There are plenty of references to their other films to keep the audiences. I think the same flaws that these so-called critics find in the film ,will be the most enjoyable aspect of the film to others.

For starters Pacino and DeNiro are true to their characters. These roles are not a very big stretch for them to play. I mean two tough cops on the brink of retirement so sick of the corrupted system that they are willing ti take matters in their own hands to achieve justice. Great role casting in my point of view. The acting is flawless and finally these two icons share 100% screen time. I would have liked more shooting and showdowns Scorcese style, but for what it is it suffices.

I must also add the two supporting roles of Wahlberg and Leguezamo are very good. I would love to see them get their own spin off film as well. I think it would be just as good or better. Definitely more action and shoot out.

The one flaw has to be without a doubt, 50 Cent. This guy cannot sing, so why would anyone cast him in a film? Luckily his screen time is very short and neither adds or takes away from the film.

Final words. A great film long overdue. 100 times better then a senseless comedy or mushy drama. There is so much crap on the big screen , that this film is a gem in a ocean of crap. It's a film that one can watch many times over without ever being bored or tired and that is an important aspect when I wanna add a movie to my collection.

Dead & Rotting (2002) (V)
0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
This flick is Dead & Rotting, 8 September 2008

I've seen some bed films. Scarecrow, Awaken The Dead etc.., but this is bad Bad bad! The only aspect and I can't specify this enough,about this movie that I enjoyed is Horror scream queen Debbie Rochon. I'm a huge fans of her movies, so she is amazing in almost everything she does.

She looks great and we get to see her naked, but I've seen her in 100 of other better films than this.

The rest of the cast is a crew of armatures that I can't even recall. From blue collar construction workers to street hoodlums. I'm almost positive the rest of the cast actually works at what they play their role. No acting skill whatsoever.

The plot you ask: Three dumb-asses try to scare each other by driving to the local witches house, they are chased away by Pox, the local geek/freak. When they confront him again in a bar they, kick his ass, which prompts the witch to put a spell on the 3 dumb-asses. Of course they wanna get back and in the process kill the witch's cat. You can imagine the rest as Debbie Rochon makes an appearance of the vengeful witch in a beautiful temptresses body. That's all the sneak peak you guys get, but if you are smart, you'll turn it off, because what follows is a 45 minuets of the worst excuse for revenge ever.

Pew, this flick is Dead & Rotting!

Prom Night (2008/I)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Prom Night 90210, 4 September 2008

Nothing and I mean nothing to do with the original ,save for the title and the fact that it takes place on Prom Night. A formal apology should be presented to Jamie Lee Curtis for this atrocity.

Was this R? Heck no, it's more like PG 13. No Thrills, No Gore, No T&A, no 15 chase scene with the villain and heroine, no plot... and the Killer. For Petes sake wear a mask. Groucho Marx, Willam Shatner, even a black ski mask would have been better than a baseball cap.

The supporting actors are just written in for the sheer sake of dying. Pretty boys and girls with their pretty shallow Beverly hills lives. For that alone they deserved to die. If this movie was geared towards teenagers, then I'm glad I was one in the 80's. At least my horror movies were scary.

best part of the movie were the end credits where the song Paralyzed was played. Exactly how I felt after watching this wannabe horror flick.

Please,no more hacking and slashing of our precious horror classics. There is just no way a remake can surpass the original. Unless the original was a flop to begin with. Now if this gets a make over in say, 20 years, it will surely be better.LOL! Final thoughts: This would have been better suited for television on say ...the WC network. I actually saw one of the actresses on the premier last night of 90210 and on the WC network.LOL!

4 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Dead Clowns should stay dead, 1 September 2008

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

here is my question: Why do clowns always get a bad rap in horror movies.

I'm now 3 for 3. Fun Park, Tormanted and now Dead Clowns. I've yet to see a good Clown horror movie that doesn't look like it cost $5.00 to make. I'm pretty sure both Brinke and Debbie split $2.50 between each other and bought a taco after filming.LOL!

The premise goes as follows. A train wreck filled with Circus personal falls off a bridge during one of the town's most devastating hurricanes ever. The cab where the clowns resided is never recovered and thought to be lost underwater. Some years later ,the clowns rise form the dead and go on a killing spree throughout the town on a really bad stormy night. Great idea and the clowns themselves don't look half bad. Aside from the spotless and may I add;very dry clown suits, they actually resemble Zombie clowns. Actually even taking a history page from Lucio Fulci's Italian zombies. Sounds like the ingredients for a pretty decent horror film ,right? Wrong. Dead wrong!

Here is the thing, you cast two scream queens like Debbie Rochon and Brinke Strevens and you expect at least some screaming. I've never seen the actresses so uninterested in acting as this time around. At least Brinke gets to tell the premise of the story and dies in the first half hour. Debbie doesn't even get one line. Not even a character name. She is billed as tormented woman and spends half the movie under the stairs.

The rest of the cast is just thrown in for story sake. Four synchronized story lines to be exact. Brinke and her husband, Debbie, wheelchair guy , druggie security guard and fugitive couple who have just killed a priest or something.

Al four stories are are totally inane and ridiculous. Not one of the actors shows and emotion or horror as they are chased around their houses by Zombie Clowns. It's almost as if they are playing hide go seek with their nephews. Did I mention that 3 out of the four story lines don't even contain dialog. This would make Tarrantino throw up.LOL! The one good thing is the gore. I've seen reviews complaining about little to no gore, but the version I watched had some pretty gory scenes. Cheesy, but gory. One of the victims provides a ten minute buffet for the Clowns. Again done in Italian Fulci fashion with a little Ruggero Deadoto cannibalism thrown in. This saves the movie from total abomination, but still could have been so much much better.

Final thoughts. Directors and producers, don't be afraid to spend a little when making a horror movie. Lighting, sound, script and for Pete's sake a little dialog, especially when you manage to cast Debbie Rochon in your flick. She is a certified SCream Queen!

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