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Torgo_Approves

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153 reviews in total 
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6 out of 12 people found the following review useful:
An abomination., 14 January 2008
2/10

Who'da thunk? Michael Bay has created a film that bores, insults your intelligence, hurts your eardrums and gives you a headache... and all it asks for in return is three hours of your time! I'd be less angry if it was a simple Point A to Point B action movie, because it obviously never tries to be anything more than mindless high budget crap for the lowest common denominator. But it's not a simple Point A to Point B action movie, rather a schizophrenic mess whose main plot is only revealed after two hours of hilarious I'm-an-awkward-teen comedy and introductions of 1-dimensional side characters with annoying accents.

You gotta respect that Bay fellow. He's managed to build a lucrative, long-lasting career in the movie biz despite having no directing talent whatsoever. People say his films are just for fun, yet I've never seen a movie of his which didn't give me epileptic seizures, make my blood boil and bore me with a 2 hour plus running time. I simply can't enjoy this man's creations no matter how I approach them.

Don't let the title fool you; this has nothing to do with cool robots. In fact this film has nothing to do with anything. It's just another meaningless collection of stylized shots of sunsets, gunfire and tumbling cars set to swelling patriotic music for Bay to masturbate over. I feel bad for John Turturro, who's probably still trying to cleanse his body from the filth of this script.

"Transformers" is not intended for intelligent life from any planet. Don't see this, because there's nothing more here than meets the eye. Horrible.

2/10

Sucks and blows, 6 December 2007
10/10

(the summary line will make sense once you've seen this)

Short, simple, and to the point, this short film features very good animation for its time and has excellent comic timing. The two "leads", a blue mosquito and a bubble gum-munching loner, have a very comedic, very French design and the film is well edited and "shot". Giving away anything in terms of plot would consequently give away the punchline, so I'll just advice you to see this for yourself (it can currently be found on Youtube).

It may be short and the animation may not have the glossy sheen of perfection of modern day, soulless Pixar films, but it is infinitely more charming. It's a shame no one seems to have heard of this because it really is very good. See it.

Couch (2003) (TV)
11 out of 15 people found the following review useful:
Funny because it isn't., 29 October 2007
7/10

So let me get this straight: this short is terrible, but Sandler fighting Bob Barker is classic comedy? There are two ways of looking at this flick. The first is the obvious one; to see the short as something pointless and random that PTA and Sandler put together because they could and because they had a good time doing it. But I prefer the other interpretation; this is PTA's own way of giving the people what they want. After suffering through two hours of great acting and subtleties in Punch Drunk Love, Sandler's fans finally get what they ask for from him: mugging, stupidity and screaming. The short isn't funny, that's the point. The joke is on the Happy Gilmore fans. Now that's hilarious.

1 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
So stupid yet so addictive, 12 September 2007
9/10

"Family Guy" is what "The Simpson" would have been if "The Simpsons" were funny. It's tasteless, mind-numbing, features a line-up of largely unlikable characters, and some jokes go on far longer (say, a few minutes or so) than they should... but I love every minute of it.

For those who ever suspected Rhode Island of being filled to the brim with psychopaths, your fears are confirmed. Peter is the best father figure anyone could ever wish for: borderline retarded yet blissfully unaware of it, racist, homophobic, arrogant, loud- and foul-mouthed and an endless source of embarrassment through association. Lois is understanding to the point of insanity, Chris is Bart on illegal substances, Meg is constantly igno - oh, and who can forget Brian, the alcoholic dog? Stewie, who makes the main characters from the Baby Geniuses movies seem cute, deserves a show of his own, and is the most unforgettable character in any TV series since, uh, that guy from Buffy. The vampire guy. There's also Joe, the cop who learned everything about his craft from watching Seagal movies; Cleveland, the token black guy of the neighbourhood; Quagmire, a malformed playboy with an overactive, to say the least, sex drive; Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa; Mayor Adam West; the list of great characters just goes on.

Featuring plot lines so outlandish they make the writing for "South Park" look like freakin' Shakespeare, every episode is primarily about cramming as many dumb jokes, references, spoofs, and one-liners in there as possible. For the most part, it works, and when it works, it's more hilarious than an ostrich getting stuck in a wood-chipper. If there ever was a perfect show to watch with your brain on hold after a hard day at school or at work, this is it. If nothing else, see it just to see what the deuce all the fuzz is about (God I'm witty).

Knocked Up (2007)
0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Knocked Up - Bob's review, 5 September 2007

KNOCKED UP Knocked Up is about a guy named Ben whose a bit of a looser and who smoke's weed all day. One day he meets Allison and accidentally makes her pregnant. this is movie is kinda good at first with a lot of funny scenes when they get high but it became kinda boring after that. But there were at least some boobs here and there which rules cause boob's rule! Tbh the only reason I watch this in the first place is cause Katherine Heigel was in it and she rocks!! She is just awesome in Greys Anatomy and hot as hell too! So anyway I didn't really care for this movie because, to be honest. It was kinda gay, like when that guy was standing their naked holding his dork, that was just plain gay. But I have to admit it was kinda funny when Harry Osbourne showed up, lol. It gets to boring and gay towards the ending, though, I was almsot falling asleep in the cinema! So anyway, 40 year old virgin is funnier cause it has more boobs and funnier joke's plus, Steve Carel is in it and he rocks. Except in that gay Christian movie, that was just awful, I mean. It was even worst then that piece of crap Date Movie. But anyway, Knocked Up is OK but its nothing I'd want to see again

Bob

The Bomber (2001)
3 out of 12 people found the following review useful:
"Sprängaren" blows!, 5 September 2007
1/10

Can a movie be so awful it's actually physically harmful to watch? "Sprängaren" comes close. I had never watched any of Colin Nutley's pictures before this one, and I can safely say that I will never deliberately watch another one. This is so bad it should be used as a user manual for how not to make a movie. I honestly can't think of a single thing in this tedious waste of film that doesn't suck to high heavens. The story, which isn't that interesting in the first place, unravels at the pace of a dead man running a marathon. The direction is standard fresh-out-of-film-school, "hey-look-I-just-found-a-camera-in-the-garbage-can" stuff, stunning in its ineptitude and seemingly aggressive refusal to be interesting. The acting is so good it almost rivals the works of Ben Affleck in terms of charisma and enthusiasm. To be honest, for the first half hour I could've sworn I was watching a satirical comedy about zombie journalists. As for Helena Bergström, she deserves a special mention because it really boggles my mind how she EVER became as famous (even by Swedish standards) as she is now. She has no acting talent whatsoever and she has a face like the rear end of an infected hamster. Sorry Helena, but it's true and you know it, no matter what your husband says.

Moving on to smaller, yet crucial aspects of the film, the sound, musical score, and lightning is so sickeningly off in almost every single scene that it hurts to watch. The music, for the most part, has nothing to do with what's going on on-screen, the dialogue is muffled and there is a very lazy (and ineffective) use of natural lightning throughout. To be honest, only one scene didn't make me want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon, and it was a five-second shot of some trees. I guess this is a major achievement for someone like Nutley.

The stunning amount of reviewers here who gave the film more than 3/10 makes me want to commit acts of terrorism myself. How can you find anything about this movie good??

Send this film to Guantanamo where it belongs... as a torture device.

6 out of 13 people found the following review useful:
That Darn Turboman - or, How Brian Levant Raped Christmas, One Dwarf Tossing at a Time, 4 September 2007

Since I have no life to speak of, I could easily list all the things that are wrong about this film, but IMDb doesn't let you type more than 10,000 words so I'll try to keep this brief. If you watch "Jingle All the Way" expecting a heart-warming family film for the holidays, you're bound to be more disappointed than... um... say, someone who read this sentence expecting a somewhat funny punchline. I have to be honest about this movie's flaws, you being my number one customer and all:

1) This movie isn't funny. The only funny thing about this eggnog spill is that sometime back in 1996, George Lucas sat down in his Xanadu out at Lucas Ranch, popped this gem into his VCR, saw Jake Lloyd on screen and thought to himself: "This is it. I've found the kid who could do justice to the role of Darth Vader". Come to think of it, not even that's very funny.

2) This movie isn't heart-warming. In fact, it's more of an exercise tool for bulimia victims. They won't have to use their fingers or anything.

3) What's with the rampant anti-dwarfism in this movie? Vertically challenged members of society are repeatedly tossed around as carelessly as babies with weed-smoking relatives.

However, despite all of these flaws (and the 9,997 other ones that I wasn't allowed to list) "Jingle" is a mind-blowing experience for those with the right expectations. Like I said, if you expect a heart-warming and hilarious Christmas film, prepare to be disappointed. BUT – if you expect a film in which Schwarzenegger does some totally awesome Arnold stuff the way only he can, like:

- trying to play a caring father but coming off as more of a closeted paedophile

- fighting a huge, bare-chested Santa

- punching a reindeer in the snout

– then, my friend, you will walk away from the movie a better person, with a big, earnest smile on your face and a steady stream of drool running down your chin. Personally, I watched with the right expectations, and loved the flick, even if it did kinda make me feel like my soul had just been besmirched with bucket-loads of hot grease from hell at times. But overall, a very satisfying experience for fans of the garbage Arnold has been churning out every now and then between his good stuff. Think of it as a big-budget "Hercules in New York" minus the legendary bear fight. Like Arnold would say: "Dees ees keewl!"

2 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
An experiment, an experience, and an extraordinary film, 1 September 2007
10/10

Ignore the insipid title: this film is brilliant, and one of the most enjoyable flicks of the last 10 years. Featuring beautiful visuals, an original and engaging plot, and great retro-stylized animation, Interstella 5555 works on every level and is much more than just an obnoxiously long music video. To make a film based on this concept - and making it work - sounds like a near-impossible task, but director Kazuhisa Takenôshi skilfully keeps the film entertaining all the way through. The good guys are easy to like and the villain is deliciously evil and self-centered; despite the fact that not a line of real dialogue is spoken, their personalities, emotions and intentions are always as clear as the colourful, stunning animation.

From the opening - which strongly echoes Kubrick's masterpiece "2001", as do certain other parts of the film - to the upbeat (not nauseatingly so) ending, I was transfixed, stunned, intrigued, saddened, and overjoyed that films this original and enjoyable are still being made. This is truly one of those films that are greater than the sums of its parts, as it is more of an experience and a ride than just a movie. As a bonus, there is a not-so-subtle message about the dangers of selling out as an artist and that you should never value profit higher than your own style since it will most likely make you miserable. Granted, "Interstella" might not be perfect, as it does get a little slow towards the end and has one or two cheesy scenes, but the majority of the film is so overstuffed with awesomeness that it's hard to care about minor flaws.

Perhaps only fans of anime or Daft Punk will love the film as much as I do, but music video directors should check it out as well and take note - the songs are seamlessly and expertly synced to the action on-screen. For the most part, the tone of the music is more in tone with the film than in most mainstream films; especially "Harder Better Faster Stronger", "One More Time" and "Crescendolls" are perfectly applied. Overall the film is an emotional, original, dazzling experience, a work of pop culture art, and a must-see for fans of the band or just of good movies in general.

"Friends" (1994)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Friends - Bob's review, 20 August 2007

This is show is about the lives of six people who are very good friends. They get into very funny situations and its also very touching at times. It is very good that the show went on for as long as I did. My favorites are Joey, Chandler, Lisa Kudbrow and Jennifer Aniston, she's super hot!! Although I don't really like the Mathew Perry character cause he's kinda gay. Anyway this is such a great TV show and it never gets old. I have never laughed harder than at some of the episodes like the one where the stripper cries or The one where Rachel has a baby, I laughed my ass off every time I see it. Its shows like this one. That really make me appreciate American television.

Overall this is an hilarious TV show and if you don't like it than your probably just some friendless loser with no life who sits around on he's fat ass and eats tacos all day.

Bob

3 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
The most disturbing thing I have ever seen..., 15 August 2007
10/10

...and I've seen "Baby Geniuses".

What starts off as a parody of numbingly retarded rap music videos soon degenerates (some would say "improves") into some sort of surreal, in-your-face nightmare that straight males won't soon forget. If you thought bearded ladies were scary before, prepare to have your mind royally screwed over. Putting aside how revoltingly twisted the video is, it's also pretty funny, as well as expertly shot and edited. Chris Cunningham gets the glossy visuals of rap videos down to a T and the freaky shots work perfectly to Aphex Twin's captivating electronic song. This is genius.

Richard D. James, Aphex Twin himself, plays a big part in the video (apart from providing the titular song, of course) as his characteristic shark grin, as in "Come to Daddy", serves a big part in terrifying the poor viewer. Few musical artists have the screen presence of this guy.

Many will argue that Cunningham's greatest freak-out was his debut video, "Come to daddy", but as stunning as that video is it can't compete with the sheer, basic, and harrowing horror of "Windowlicker". Whether you're a fan of Aphex Twin or not, this video deserves to be seen as it towers miles above most videos of its kind.


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