Reviews written by
Jon Death

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147 reviews in total 
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32 out of 60 people found the following review useful:
Loved it, 7 October 2010

I thought it lacked direction at first but they were simply starting things with a simmer and very slowly bringing them to a boil and I mean slowly. This is a very good off the grid feel film with great production quality. Initially once it takes off I feared it was going to turn into a turd dive bombing straight into the toilet, it did the exact opposite.

It's gory, morbid and capitalizes on a few true events as well as containing elements from a few other horror movies which I'm sure inspired these aspects. You can see a few scenarios coming well in advance and make a lot of connections but they were still creative and worth implementing. Last House on the Left, The People Under the Stairs, Jeffrey Dahmer, Storm Warning etc. It's kindred to these films without actually ripping them off.

Lots of suspense and complete satisfaction by the time it's over. This film definitely has high re-watch value and I'm sure will become a cult classic that in 10 years is still sought after at video stores, movie sites and where ever else you'll be getting your movies by then.

Inhale (2010)
27 out of 33 people found the following review useful:
Suspense, drama and just the right amount of action, 28 August 2010

Put simply this is a very good movie. At first you might think wow, made for TV but no, it just starts with a simmer and gradually begins to boil. Before you know it the protagonist has departed from everything he so clearly believed in with his attempt to save his child, only to be forced to reconcile with who he is at heart when the ultimate tests are placed upon him.

This is the type of film that 10 years ago would have owned the box office but today, they're a gamble. Unless you stick a product name like Russel Crowe or Tom Cruise in it, it's hard to say which way it will go. It also reminds me of how the grading curve has changed due to the collage of genres we know get in a single film which is probably one of many reasons films are now so often struggling at the box office.

It is kindred to films such as 8mm, Man On Fire, Patriot Games etc. If you enjoyed those, I'm pretty certain you'll enjoy this movie equally as much.

3 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Why is Allen even financed??, 23 August 2010

On occasion I do enjoy one of Allen's films but for the most part, he is one of the worst film makers to have ever made it into mainstream film. It just goes to show how the media can manufacture success through propaganda and the yuppie hippie artist wannabes will buy into it whole hearted and wide eyed.

This film ultimately leads nowhere and of course, depicts Mediterranean Europeans as these emotional, unpredictable, sex wild artists constantly in turmoil. Then to make matters worse, we get narration and a bunch of intersecting non primary characters that really add nothing to an already deadbeat tale. This is truly a European film interpreted for Americans and that's why it fails. Allen clearly wanted to reproduce the blunt European film style of artistic transitional people intersecting with people dreaming of having such a life, stick them in a bottle of champagne and then shake things up.

Most of Allen's films are stupid, this one falls short because it's just so very anticlimactic while the characters and story are so incredibly cliché. It's like a very fancy soap opera without all the overacting and long dramatic pauses. Some of the characters are realistic, others are completely cliché and fantasy while the situations themselves are indeed believable. Unfortunately, the story plays out like watching a small group of people stuck in a revolving door together for what seems like forever but in truth, was only a fleeting moment of complete confusion when they look back on what they went through.

If you like Allens dimwittery, you'll love this film because it has lots of Cafes.

Road Kill (2010)
52 out of 74 people found the following review useful:
Why!?, 10 August 2010

It's not silly, it's a downright FAILURE. Bad script, stupid actors and countless scenarios that make no sense. How a studio green lights such a pile of rubbish is beyond my understanding and for that matter, beyond the understanding of anyone that can read, write and count to ten. I suppose actors today will take any feature opportunity in hopes of building a resume but movies this bad could kill your career before it even begins. There's nothing scary, no gore, no logic and a complete lack of interesting events. I've watched mold growing on bread with greater interest. Avoid this movie. If someone tells you it's good, shoot them in the head because they are hindering progress of the species.

Lucky (2010/I)
18 out of 68 people found the following review useful:
These people are deranged!, 26 July 2010

They all actually have the arrogance and ego to insist "god" chose them to win the lottery. It takes one hell of a stupid, arrogant person to make such a proclamation and an even further corruption of character to actually believe it!

Basically we see into the lives of lottery winners and for some reason, each and every single one of them believes the divine hand of the Christian god chose them to win. It's amazing satanists and pagans partaking in human sacrifice don't win every drawing based on this inbred, retard, brainwashed logic. One family believed god gave them millions and their friends innocent daughter cancer so they could increase their arrogance and ego by helping her. Yes, that's literally what is said then translates to!

All this documentary shows is that some decent people with incredibly distorted views on reality are winning the lottery and that yes, because of their short comings they are in the social graces of people who now resent them. In one case, a friend was angry and stated he hated the man because god should have chosen him. The reference to god isn't overly abundant but it's still thrown around liberally. I think the documentary makers were trying to explore the nightmare stories we all hear and read about where the winners throw their money way, friends and family turn on them or how they took the money and vanished. Unfortunately, they didn't do too great of a job.

The real revelation about these people is, you can claim the winnings under a faux name and keep yourself out of the media. Absolutely nobody will know you won unless you WANT them to. The reality is, the interest alone in a commercial savings account can be as high as 12% if you choose the right bank. At 10% the one family would be making 1.25 million dollars a MONTH. I learned one very important thing. If there is a god, this being is blind, deaf and retarded!

Long story short. A few people won the lottery and chose to humiliate themselves by crediting god. Some handled it well, others didn't.

15 out of 21 people found the following review useful:
Better than expected, 3 July 2010

It's a fairly clever concept and somewhat original in a sense though most of us have seen similar concepts a few times before. The acting is good and I think that's what makes this movie so entertaining for being low budget. It's a bit above par for say a made for TV lifetime movie that you could watch without grimacing in embarrassment for the movie makers and actors.

At one point, you think OK it's a hoax to teach him a lesson and at another point you think no, it's all genuine and he's so far in, he's almost out. I got the impression that the people behind this production may have went in half baked and when the material was working so well, went ahead with making it a crime drama rather than washing out and turning it into a hokey happy ending Lifetime wino flick.

I must also admit, about half way through I predicted exactly what was taking place but it didn't spoil anything. Like I said, the acting really sold it and they had a clever concept. Just goes to show that budget isn't all it's wrapped up to be nor is lining your credits with iconic names everyone knows.

Worth watching at least once.

Body Melt (1993)
0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
A reason to trash movie makers, 23 June 2010

This is one of those movies that most people will say "I could have written something better than that" which probably isn't true since this movie basically IS something the average person would write and be convinced they've created something original, artistic and clever.

Bad special effects, vague story line and an almost unrecognizable plot. They lay the ground work in the first few minutes yet by 20 minutes in, you're still unsure of just what it is you're watching. The plot twist towards the end explaining just what's taking place is a fine example of bad writing. Nothing connects very well and while the concept had plenty of promise, the execution is absolutely terrible.

The studio behind this tragedy is obviously called Dumb Films for a reason. They knew what they were getting into when they made it and it's unfortunate they couldn't find a talented director to rehash a lot of the scenes so it wasn't such a waste of finances. Ignore the positive reviews, they're either posted by cast or crew members.

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
The art of failure, 21 June 2010

Bad acting, writing, dialog, physical choreography-this movie sucks the soul out of the viewer and the fact that the ratings are high and the reviews so rewarding here are proof that IMDb doctors a lot of pages.

This is by no means even comparable to Evil Dead 2. The action is weak, the acting weaker and the lead actress is as untalented as they get. It's like they snatched her out of a Walmart from behind the register and praised her every failure in front of the camera so she'd be willing to do it some more.

The only thing that makes this movie worth watching is the ending. It's a complete train wreck from start to finish and all the pot smoke in the world won't turn that into surreal slapstick horror. I have to confess, I've watched this movie probably a half dozen times now and WHY? Because I literally enjoy getting angry, looking at these actors and hating them. Hating the writing and the intense feeling of satisfaction I have from witnessing their failure. It's a crap fest calling itself fudge chocolate. Raimi embarrassed himself with this one but the fans embarrassed themselves even more by praising it so gratuitously. The worst part is watching this fart eater try to use notorious lines from the Evil Dead trilogy. Her acting is as dead, bland and lifeless as Bruce Campbell's career.

1 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Unbearable, 21 May 2010

After an hour of sitting through this stink fest, I finally turned it off. It was so bad, I assumed it HAD to be a Woody Allen film but to my disbelief, it wasn't. The style and lack of humor is kindred to him so it's no surprise he signed onto such a terrible script. On paper or film, this material reads and plays out horribly and has that bad stage play style of acting Allen films are so known for.

Why did I watch so long? I liked the premise and much like a Woody Allen film, it gets worse as time carries on. The set ups are good, the outcomes worse and more disappointing with each passing segment. Finally, I'd had enough and delivered myself from this hell on film.

Whoever said Pretty Funny in their review title very likely has a vested interest in this film. A writer, cameraman, wardrobe etc.-someone directly connected to the production. If you see this stinker scheduled by your service provider, don't make the same mistake I did. You start out interested and build to contempt. Another huge waste of money and man hours that should have went into a much better script. I think the heads of these studios don't even read most the projects they green light.

Blessed (2004)
0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Crap on paper = puke on film, 19 May 2010

Recycled spawn of Satan story with of course, a cloning hospital behind the treachery which sadly isn't even a new element to this retold tale. Then of course while an army of people exist to ensure the birth of Satan's children, one man stands alone! A single priest sent by the Vatican with their trillions of dollars to ensure these children aren't born. You watch and think of a million ways for them to kill this woman and her children but of course, the Christian buried deep in the writer of this failure must capitalize on the naivety of this cultural artifact buried deep within us all. She MUST be given a chance to live without her children being born into this world. Then when this option is voided, as we all know it will be, the death sentence issued and carried out is of course one that will in all probability fail. Because shooting someone in the face and heart is just too certain.

Unfortunately nothing about this movie makes it worth watching. Even if Heather Graham walked around naked from start to finish, half way through and the misery of what's taking place would be motivation enough to shut it off.

More or less this is a horror movie and when you're making a horror movie, unless it has a lot of gruesome effects to ride, the story needs to be tremendously creative or the budget big enough to compensate for the lack of. This movie deserves a ZERO.

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