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Hauru no ugoku shiro (2004)
Belongs In the Toilet with many other crappy movies!
ICK! This movie was so stupid! The only good thing about it is the animation, sort of. The story was so bizarre. Is this seriously what Japanese kids enjoy for entertainment? Here is the story line: Sophie (who is always looking for attention/sympathy by saying she is ugly) makes friends with a fairy wizard named Howl and he really does act gay. She then is attacked by the Witch of the waste who is very fat and becomes old. Then Sophie climbs aboard Howl's Moving Castle and becomes his cleaning lady, helps him with his (insert shocking music here) bad hair days, and becomes a little boy's (who has a beard) mother figure, la la la , everything is happy, the world is good, and I can't wait for this movie to end!
Please don't see this. It is dumb.
Freddie as F.R.O.7. (1992)
Eeew! Freddie is full of poop!
Gross! I went to Florida with my two favorite cousins and in the nice rented beach house we stayed at, the owner left a bunch of kiddie movies, including this one. We were going to watch "Little Shop of Horrors" (which I had seen before and loved) but then this little creepshow caught our interest. You must understand that my cousins, my brother and I all love to make fun of stupid things. A lot. This may not be such a good thing, but we do. So we watched "Freddie the Frog."
First of all, Freddie(as a human)'s anorexic aunt wants to get rid of him so she can rule the throne. Why then, with her magical powers, didn't she just kill him instead of turning him into a frog?!?!?? Then Freddie (as a frog for good now) meets up with a morbidly obese loch Ness monster named (this is creative) Nessie who claims she is ten-years-old but maybe ten years later has grandchildren. Freddie then flies away to frog land which is really just a fanchy-schmancy way of saying "an ugly pond that looks like someone's overflowed septic tank." Freddie hits on a bunch of female frogs and then one hot summer day, while lounging about in his heart-dotted boxers, he somehow "grew, and grew, and grew until he reached his adulthood. And then he knew he knew he knew, he was not..." FREDDIE: I am not, I am not!!! CREEPY FROG CHORUS: A frog, he is not a log! No joke! This is that stupid! Then he decides he wants to become a secret agent and his frog friends dress him.
The movie continues in this idiotic fashion for about an hour and twelve minutes. It includes the following: 1) Freddie's real name and "top secret" code name being displayed with pride on the headline of a newspaper. 2) Freddie being attracted to a totally useless human woman. 3) Freddie french-kissing a human man who is also useless. 4) A fat man who is supposedly a villain who threatens Freddie and friends with a dinky sword that goes BOING! 5) Stupid dialogue like this HENCHMAN: I have a message for you Freddie. And the message is....Death!!! FREDDIE THE FROG: Well, then you'd better give me the message. Freddie then leaps onto some bleachers like a Peter Pan wannabe. 6) Freddie accidentally kills innocent civilians and then nonchalantly replies "Oh, I'm sorry my friend" and leaves!!!
This movie is now a tradition with us and my cousins (I bought the tape. It isn't even released on DVD!) and we watch and make fun of it every time we see each other. We also watched it with my friend and my brother's friend and they agreed that compared to the movie we like to make fun of with them (My Neighbor Totoro), "Freddie the Frog" makes "My Neighbor Totoro" look Oscar-quality. If you love to make fun of movies, here is a list starting from dumbest to least dumb (but still very dumb): 1. Freddie the Frog 2. My Neighbor Totoro 3. Barney's Great Adventure - The Movie 4. Balto III - Wings of Change 5. Any episodes of Caillou 6. Any episodes of Dragon Tales 7. Any episodes of The Berenstein Bears 8. Rock-a-Doodle
I hope this review made you laugh and was helpful in enriching your life.