Reviews written by registered user
jktemp

8 reviews in total 
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14 out of 15 people found the following review useful:
I have coughed up things with more talent '0' out of '10', 8 October 2010
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

To say this is awful is a total understatement. The acting and i use that term very loosely - is atrocious - surely they must have been embarrassed whilst filming this pathetic excuse for a 'film'. It is just one long disjointed scene of brain-dead moron 'hard men' criminals trying to out 'hard' each other and looking like retards. In that sense it is amusing- I have ticked the spoiler box as I'm mentioning things from the film- but there is nothing to spoil. A woman (desperately trying to look younger than she actually is (Whitney dressed as Britney)who for no reason at all is forced to kill people on a list or lots of whore models and photographers will die- even when she does kill the people on the list - her 'models' (slappers) still die. Mix in a 'scouser' idiot out for revenge for his girlfriend getting a struggle cuddle in a bar cellar! - The lamest rape scene ever- seen worse in a PG film!

Avoid this- Alex Reid (Mr Jordan/transvestite) rolls around looking inept at fighting with people who no one really knows- but are obviously some underground 'hard men' or something-

It all makes no sense- nothing is explained- or even attempted at being explained- just dreadful acting, dialogue, pathetic editing and pound land effects and sound dubbing. I guess it does have one use- IT SHOULD BE SHOWN TO MEDIA STUDENTS AS A "HOW NOT TO MAKE A FILM"

Mummy Maniac (2007) (V)
2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Beyond awful- but not surprising with Ulli Lommel involved!!, 13 February 2010
1/10

Ulli Lommel!??- avoid anything to do with this talentless man - calling himself a producer/director??!! ha Ha- everything he touch turns to excrement!! he makes Uwe Boll look like Spielberg!!! Seriously, avoid this dreadful boring film. I wish i had- his name wasn't attached to the DVD - (uncredited) - probably as it would indicate how bad it was going to be!

They also have the 'From the Director of The Boogeyman' on the cover- yes- the below average 80's horror film. (his only half decent work) NOT the Stephen Kay directed horror film and Sam Raimi produced film - which they are clearly hoping people will misconstrue it for and buy. They should be ashamed- it's tragic and sad that they have to resort to such thing. Pathetic people indeed.

2 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
A must see - just to laugh yourself stupid!!! really funny!, 16 December 2008
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

You have got to check this film out- it's fekkin' hilarious !! No exaggeration! basically it's a budget version of ALIENS but with Zombies! And when i say 'version' - i mean complete rip off- so blatantly - it will crack you up- entire scenes and dialogue- performed so badly you'll wet yourself- and the dubbing adds an even funnier level to it all. Watch with friends and laugh your socks off!!! It's got the lot- bad dubbing- cheesy gore FX, and the Aliens storyline followed so closely that I'm surprised they weren't sued!! i really enjoyed it- for all the wrong reasons. A must "Watch with ya friends with some brews" movie-

Brain Dead (2007)
15 out of 20 people found the following review useful:
Funny, alien slime mutation gore-fest! for fans of Bad Taste!, 20 October 2008
8/10

I saw this at the GoreZone magazine Gore-Fest this weekend- in London (it was the UK premier-) i was looking forward to seeing this film- and although the title is ludicrously unoriginal - (most people will think it's Dead Alive/Brain Dead let's be honest!!) it didn't disappoint.

Packed full of excellent splatter gore and comedic situations- and not taking itself too seriously- A breath of (not so) fresh air - and more than holds it's own in it's genre. Some great comedic acting from the felon reluctantly on the run handcuffed to a dim witted trigger happy psycho- and the eye candy cliché babes in distress also did well with tongue firmly in cheeks and totally self aware of their stereotype! I recommend this to anyone who enjoyed Bad Taste, Brain Dead, Undead- and Kevin S. Tenneys previous works 'Night of the Demons' & 'Witchboard'. Enjoy.

Fearmakers (2008)
9 out of 11 people found the following review useful:
A Step backwards talent wise for Timo Rose, 16 September 2008
1/10

I was very disappointed in this film- It is one of the most amateurish of Timo Rose's career. And only seems to have been made because the actress he obviously admires was in town at the time!! Lame Lame story and acting!! Very limited and thrown together quickly gore effects- After the enjoyable BARRICADE i thought Timo Rose was moving ahead with his directing- And maybe becoming close to the superior Olaf Ittenbach (who has definitely progressed as a director) But after seeing (and sadly buying!!) this film it appears Timo isn't the talent that i hoped he was. I hope the upcoming 'Beast' movie is better - because this is an insult to his fans! It should have been an extra on a DVD- it's like an after thought- a home movie done with drunk friends- I will definitely be more wary about buying / viewing Timo films from now on.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Better than they say- and stunningly attractive actress for Alice., 11 August 2008
8/10

Ignore all the people who hate this film- they have nothing better to do!! surely there are 'MANY' far worse films than this one- It's well shot, nicely acted.With a fairly original storyline. When people put 'worst film ever' etc- it makes me laugh! This is nowhere near as bad as they say- in fact it is most enjoyable- I would have liked it to have had a little more blood and not been as tame- (cutting away from the nasty action)- and showing more gore- (but that's a personal taste.) Actress Nitzan Mager is 'gore'geous!!- she can become obsessed with me anytime!! For it's budget i feel they did a great job- psychological, shocking and sexy. (although back story could have been fleshed out a little) I'll keep a look out for the directors next film and definitely be watching for more Nitzan films. And no i am not friends or related to the director, actors producers etc- so get a life!!

The Morgue (2008) (V)
7 out of 10 people found the following review useful:
NON EXISTENT STORYLINE - Still trying to be clever! (Spoilers!!), 5 August 2008
2/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Not even worth a rent to be honest. The cover and tag line are misleading- i thought i was going to watch a good old zombie fest! "The Morgue- where the dead 'live' !?" -yeah right!! Acting is 'just' bearable- but the story is really non existent- it never seems to get going and there is zero suspense! Obviously it is a low budget affair- but most directors know how to build suspense- and even the cliché jump bits with music stabs failed to work.

Nothing was explained- why was she upset with her boyfriend? Night watchman lost his daughter- needed more info- why was he there at all? Who was this man who killed himself in the toilet?And why did he have a stupid Hood on? Non of it was explained at all- the explanations for people being at the morgue seemed 'blue tacked' on! And why was she buried in a grave when the film is set in a Mausoleum??

This film tried to take itself seriously and failed big time- it wasn't clever it has been done several times before and so much better, lame and tired writing from a talentless screenwriter. Avoid.

Blood (2000)
2 out of 11 people found the following review useful:
A necessity for any true vampire film collector, 13 May 2008
10/10

This film was a very pleasant surprise. Low budget but professionally acted and directed. The film centres around a beautiful young woman 'LIX' -who's blood has been genetically manipulated- turning her 'Blood' into a highly addictive narcotic-spawning a network of 'junkies' who will do anything to get a 'fix'. Not even the Doctor who created her can resist the taste. If you are a fan of Cronenberg's 'Dead ringers' then you will no doubt savour every haemorrhaged drop. Deep and psychological- erotic- how can it not be with the innocent looking babe that is 'Lix' (Lee 'Emma' Blakemore.) -(Paradise grove & I want to kiss you) fan's of 'Vampire' films - like 'The Hunger' will love this for it's more 'thinking persons approach'. a necessity for any true vampire film collector. get a 'fix' of Lix. Highly recommended.