NotAFakeReviewer Reviews

Gotham Knights (2022 Video Game)

Not as bad as they say

[24 October 2022]

It's getting hammered for a lot of graphic reasons and some glitches and yes I saw some but no more than in any open world game.

I'll say that it did force close on my xbox SX three times mostly as I was traversing but that's the only problems I had with it.

The story is no worse or better than the previous arkham games, I know its not an arkham game but it's impossible not to compare them.

The gameplay is solid, the world is detailed and the voice acting is fine, only one of the core leads stuck out as particularly bad but that could be part of the character.

If you're familiar with batman lore you'll see the story twists coming a mile away but damn if it isn't fun getting there and being able to choose who you are is pretty refreshing although I did miss being Batman.

It's not a patch on the arkham games but it's a very worthy successor.

Think of it as a typical sequel, not as good as but definitely not to be left out and really not as bad as people say.

American Horror Story: Something's Coming (2022) Season 11, Episode 1

Seems more like AHS than last season

[20 October 2022]

Someone is offing the homosexual community in NY.

The police don't care and the community, while worried, know they're alone.

A closeted cop is trying to work on the case without outing himself or destroying his relationship with his paper editor partner and a man has lost his roommate after going cruising.

The period its set in is very well represented and the acting is good so far.

Very excited to see where this season goes as its already showing strong writing.

It has a similar vibe to Hotel which is no bad thing. The amateur feel of Stories is gone thank God.

Let's hope it doesn't go the way of some other seasons and loses it midway through. The soundtrack is fabulous as usual.

Exciting start.

Woodland Grey (2021)

More pearls before swine

[11 July 2022]

A beautiful piece of art. Mesmerising, dreamlike, wonderfully shot and perfectly acted.

Story is follow-able if you pay attention which people refuse to do anymore, they want to sit scrolling their phone, half watching and count on severe expositional spoon feeding at the end to fill in the gaps.

This is a gorgeous and deep movie and I'm sick of movies like this getting badly reviewed by inattentive jerks who'd be more at home seeing what disneyplus has limped into the barn with.

You're killing the movie industry, mentioning idiocracy is cliche at this point but if the shoe fits.

Sigh

If you like the dreamy, lost in the woods, surreal type horror movies then you'll enjoy this.

Fear Street: Part Two - 1978 (2021)

80s not 70s

[20 June 2022]

Who keeps screwing up this time? The music is right but the vibe is all wrong.

This is 80s not 70s.

A very small improvement on 1994 but I'm already on the outs for not liking Sadie Sink, I find her overacting painful to watch especially since she's playing her annoying character from Stranger Things again.

The actress playing her sister is far better. Why is the push on the movie scene atm to make your leads as spiteful and nasty as the bullies?

How many times did they need to beat us over the head with who the boy that grew up to be the sheriff in 94 was? Or the nurse being the mother of one of the ghosts I'm 94.

Stop spoonfeeding the stupid.

It is better than 94 but only slightly.

Fear Street: Part One - 1994 (2021)

More 96-98 than 94

[20 June 2022]

The worst thing by a mile is how unlikeable Deena is, not the actress, she's fine, it's the character.

The second worst thing is how much they messed up the soundtrack, having a song inserted unnecessarily is actually very period appropriate but a few of the songs were actually released after 95 so as someone who was a kid, tween and teen for the entirety of the 90s it ticked me off They also made some of it too 80s.

Things that were good, the acting was better than most 90s horror and the story was good as a 90s rip off with a sort of disney Hocus Pocus vibe at times.

The movie just smacks of unfulfilled potential, they had a great opening, a good Fear Street story, decent actors and when they went full ahead with the horror, Ruby Lane especially, it worked but the weak aspects were so weak that the combination of that and how horrid Deena was almost made me give up.

Willy's Wonderland (2021)

What's wrong with people who don't like this?

[1 June 2022]

Guess they have no appreciation for pastiche, irony and wry humour.

Don't get parody guys?

Sad :(

Movies an absolute riot of old 80s horror tropes. No-one could make a FNAF movie and make it seem scary so they made it in a parody style and it works.

Nic's silent as both a riff on the 80s drifter trope and also to mimic the silent protagonist of the game.

Come on now...how did you not get that?

I worry about the people who didn't get this.

10/10 because I wanted a smart parody of a movie using 80s tropes instead of the Stranger Things type of 80s p0rn.

This is 100% more 80s than ANYTHING trying to milk those times.

10/10 because it was EXACTLY what they said it was

10/10 for being exactly what it needed to be.

Thanks for this movie.

Titanic 666 (2022)

Who the hell thinks this isn't comedy?

[19 April 2022]

It's asylum and tubi? Bad on purpose like all their stuff.

You're supposed to think it's bad and cheesy. It's not meant to be a 'real' horror.

Think intentionally bad like sharknado.

It does what it set out to do what it achieved and heaven help those who don't know that.

1st Summoning (2018)

So I'm alone in liking this

[25 March 2022]

Everyone is being far, far too hard on this. This is very far from worst or garbage or anything like it. Good actors, good premise, script isn't bad it's realistic.

While there's way better found footage I have to question why this one is being bullied?

Some YouTuber tell people what to think again?

I liked this, I hope someone involved sees this and knows they made a good found footage movie for found footage fans.

Apostle (2018)

Comparing this to the Wicker Man is a huge insult

[6 March 2022]

This movie is dreck compared to Wicker Man.

This movie is not 'the worst movie ever' or any hyperbolic nonsense like that. Its just a standard modern horror movie with no cohesive plot. There's two types of horror in vogue atm, the attempts at folk horror and the ghost kind.

While this is VASTLY superior to the vvitch (and has Lucy Boynton instead of Anya Taylor Joy which is an improvement as Lucy Boynton can actually act) it has a very muddled middle and end.

It's somehow too short and too long all at once. I did pay attention and I did get what the movie was about but it just meandered and ended with little to no fanfare.

There's a strange problem in the last 5 years or so and it's pacing. Movies are no longer paced properly. I'm not sure why this is happening as some movies still flow perfectly but the more popular movies have lousy pacing and focus on the wrong stuff. There's a plot in this movie with 2 people in love that could've been entirely excised from the plot and it would've made no difference.

Wasted potential.

Malignant (I) (2021)

Who the hell said "original?"

[4 February 2022]

It borrows heavily from Split with the superhuman transformation of Emily/Madison

It also robs from the legend of Edward Mordrake, a story of an aristocrat driven crazy by an underdeveloped vestigal twin that whispered for him to do evil from his face in the back of Edwards skull.

Gabriel's design is straight out of Jeepers Creepers

I'm fairly certain James Wan wasn't trying to make an 'original' movie or a scary one or even a serious one.

He set out to make an homage to the late 80s and early 90s which he did. Synths, polo necks, orchestral music and all.

The Golden Girls: The Truth Will Out (1986) Season 1, Episode 16

Here we go again...

[3 October 2021]

People saying this dull or dark, no its not. Its dealing with genuine family relationships. I'm sorry that this is not saccharine, mawkish drivel like Full House but you have that in that show. This was different and people didn't get 'depressed' at anything less sugary than Disney. What has happened to the world? Yeesh!

Good episode and Charlie was delightful, shame what happened to the actress.

Keirsten was quite right to enquire what happened to the money, Rose lied. She also seemed to be more concerned that Rose was silly and got taken advantage of which wouldn't be unreasonable given how naive and gullible Rose can be.

Not only was it important that Keirsten found out the truth it was important that Rose got a weight off her chest.

The B story with Blanche was a parallel but if people weren't too marshmallow brained they'd have noticed that.

Particularly good acting from Betty White here.

American Horror Stories: Game Over (2021) Season 1, Episode 7

Yeesh kind of a mess

[29 August 2021]

I've liked every episode but not this one, Kaia Gerber, Paris Jackson, Noah Cyrus, none of these girls can act and they got these roles because their parents were famous, although it's funny that Kaia inherited her mothers lack of acting talent as well as her giant eyebrows and man jaw.

As much as they've bled murder house dry I'm glad they didn't drag Coven into it again. That said, at least the acting in Coven was good.

1 star for Tom Lenk 1 star for a decent idea but the script, Rubber (wo) man was fine for the first two episodes but 3 of them? These were far from the best characters or plot in this spin off and got far too much investment.

Should've linked Feral to Roanoke instead of trying to bludgeon Cindy's kid and Scarlett into our minds, if you check the reviews you'll see no-one likes these two.

Christ, this was brutal.

American Horror Stories: Feral (2021) Season 1, Episode 6

Calling people shills *yawn*

[29 August 2021]

If you don't think it's good and I do that doesn't mean I'm a shill it means we have different tastes. Pretty simple, get over it.

This spin off has been entertaining as hell.

This one had a s1 of supernatural feeling to it and I loved it. Brutal, nasty and gory.

People complaining about no explanations 🙄 use your damn imaginations! Not everything needs a 3 hr back story and a 10 part netflix mini series.

Go back to your ari aster borefests and take your snobbery with you. Some of us still like to be entertained.

American Horror Stories: The Naughty List (2021) Season 1, Episode 4

Starting to wonder

[28 August 2021]

If the people who hated this highly entertaining episode are sore because they like the people being lampooned?

Only reason not to enjoy seeing the dregs of the Internet get killed by Danny trejo is if you enjoy this stuff or wish you could've been these people in the day.

It's horror, it's meant to be fun and this was.

The Match-Stick Flame (2020)

Both good reviews are stars of the movie

[21 August 2021]

You used your real names...bold move with no shame 😂

The movie is like one of those movies people make themselves and whack up on YouTube. It's weird and disjointed and while you can see where they were going with it you can't help but cringe the whole way through.

Indeed there is a Bollywood dance moment and its one of the displays of genuine talent here. One star for it and one star for the nunchuck usage because the star/writer/etc is obviously a skilled martial artist.

Spiral (2021)

It was fine

[15 June 2021]

Kind of like when a screenplay wasn't written as a sequel but it's rewritten to make it a sequel to a franchise and its WAY too easy to guess the killer. I knew who and why about 10 minutes in.

Chris Rock was fine as well. I've seen far worse.

The VVitch: A New-England Folktale (2015)

This IS commercial horror you pretentious g00ns

[17 March 2021]

People will whine "its art, you just want commercial horror"

It's not art, it's as commercial as it gets. Sorry to tell you. This is ponderous, slow burn commercial horror but people trying to pass it off a movie for 'cinephiles' or art house are much mistaken.

The real problem is that the glacial pace of a movie is rarely a problem when the story is compelling and the leads talented.

In this case the main focus of the story is Anya Taylor Joy, who's only talent is blank face and ability to cry one tear at a time.

Admittedly playing a puritan means she doesn't need to emote during a performance about austere, religious people in uncertain times where stoicism is the default but it does nothing to cover her all round lack of...well anything really. Especially in scenes where she must act against the parents which shows up her profound lack of talent.

This is a commercial horror hijacked by people who think it's deep starring a good cast and one overrated mediocre actress hijacked by people who think she's more talented than she is.

Faith Under Fire (2020)

Bad bad bad

[24 January 2021]

Not sure why these kinds of movies can call themselves Christian. Not an ounce of genuine Christianity to be found.

Cheaply made, badly acted, unchristian message and a total mess

Hitting the Breaks (2016–2017)

Eye roll

[16 December 2020]

David A R White is the least Christian person to call himself a Christian. I'm eternally disturbed as to why people think he's a Christian, a good person and even more disturbed people call him an actor.

There's no clever writing, no sweet moments and nothing to recommend this bland, mockery of media to anyone

Especially Christians

Watch Dogs: Legion (2020 Video Game)

People are so used to games being in America

[17 November 2020]

A review on here complains that Watchdogs legion teaches kids to subvert the government. Way to miss the point!

Its the duty of citizens to question the government, its the lack of questioning that causes the takeover in the game. Now, more than ever, as Brexit comes closer, we must question. Who will take over and what are their intentions.

The game is solid although I would have preferred a main protagonist, the mechanic itself is a remarkable feat, technologywise.

The lore is rich if you read the text files and take in the surrounds.

Like many, I guessed what was going on but its no easier than 1.

Much fun can be had comparing the characters to their real life counterparts

Richard Malik- Rishi Sunak

Emma Childs- Cressida Dick

Nigel Cass- Tim Spicer and Aegis

Google these people and you'll see what I mean.



Watchdogs legion suffers from not showing its story through America but its time the world outside of America was shown. It may be hard to adjust but when you do you'll find a funny, dark and engaging political game

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)

If Michael Bay made a Predator vs Alien

[7 November 2020]

Annoying teens Heroic soldier parents Papa Johns Sponsorship

Give me strength! This movie is just awful.

Tusk (I) (2014)

One of these things is not like the others

[5 November 2020]

Love the horror aspect of the movie but the whole Johnny Depp character is painful. I know its Kevin Smith and we need some wacky stuff to lighten up the horrific part which is really grim when you actually think about it but the whole part with that character could've been done with a far less annoying character? Is making him annoying an attempt to take the shock of Michael Parks character from my bones?

It doesn't, it just makes me skip his scenes now and watch the Justin Long/Michael Park scenes. Could the gf and the co-host not just manage to find the guy by themselves?

Anyway, its still a good, weird movie. The horror is horrible and the end is sad and the comedy (apart from Depp) is funny.

Ghosts of War (2020)

Its really good

[5 November 2020]

I find the Ed and Lorraine Warren movies boring, I find most movies explain too much and the pace is choppy to compensate.

This movie would've fit in around the same time as House of Haunted Hill and 13 Ghosts. Its will appeal people who miss that time of the horror genre.

If you think that Nun/Doll/whiny-ass Warren's genre is good you'll be bored.

The Witches (2020)

3 stars are because the actors did their job

[24 October 2020]

Utter garbage movie. The actors were good, loved what they did but the script, the sets, the music, the character changes and the effects were awful.

If the people in this movie weren't so supremely talented this movie would be in the minuses

Curse of the Scarecrow (2018)

Oaft

[16 October 2020]

Not good and the director himself has reviewed this and gave it 10 😂

He bigs up his actresses which is admirable and the acting in this is fine given the shoddy script.

Film looks good, maybe just get some other people to work on it and give it some polish.

Good luck on your futures, just need some more staff, some budget and second/third lookovers