Jsimpson5 Reviews

The Happening (2008)

Predictable Ending

[5/10 · 16 June 2008]

I saw this film yesterday and needless to say it wasn't the best film I've seen in a long time. Basically people starting killing them selves for no reason what so ever and nobody knows what is causing the problem.

While the ideal is quite good, there are some problems with the film in general. The first problem is the cast. Several of the characters are miscasts and this is a problem. Zooey or as I call her the "Thousand Yard stare lady" plays the wife of the main character. Her eyes seem out of focus the entire time and she just looks like she is looking out into space the entire time.

The film wasn't very scary at all since when something bad was about to happen you could predict what was going to happen. The ending of the film was pointless and predictable as well.

Overall this wasn't a great film, so avoid unless you have nothing better to do.

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (2000–2015)

Good, but jumping the shark

[7/10 · 22 May 2008]

Crime Scene Investigation came out in 2000 and became a hit. It's original and graphic at times, but does show that violent crimes scenes can be gruesome and graphic.

The show in it's early years were very good, while the show is still good it's starting to jump the shark in my opinion. This all started with Jorja Fox leaving the show. Once she left the show started to slip in quality and the show at times becomes increasingly stupid.

The story arcs for the show are quite good. I'm not usually crazy for story arcs that span multiple seasons as it takes way to long to come to a resolution and if someone didn't watch a previous episode in the arc, the person may miss something important.

While it's still a good show and good to watch the show is starting to slip story wise.

The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Basically a long TV episode

[7/10 · 14 May 2008]

I've always enjoyed the Simpsons back in the 90's and early 2000's. I'm still a fan but I haven't watched any new episodes for a few years now. I was happy to hear that a film was coming out and I heard mixed review but I still had to see it for myself.

I won't throw away the film but due to an accident a dome is forced to cover Springfield and the Simpsons attempted to deal with the issue at hand with the dome.

This wasn't the funniest film out there in terms of comedy. It was funny at times, but not rolling on the floor laughing funny. The script is well written, but the jokes at times are corny and stupid.

The film itself was a great idea and enjoyable to watch. If your a former fan or a current fan of The Simpsons then watch the movie, you will enjoy it.

Kickboxer 3: The Art of War (1992)

Not as good as the 1st ,2nd, or 4th film

[3/10 · 6 May 2008]

The Kickboxer franchise spanned 5 films. The 1st film was in theaters, all films after that were direct to video. I loved the 2nd film as it's my overall favorite film of the whole series. The 3rd film however leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

This film takes place some time after the events of the 2nd film. David now has a fight in Brazil and helps a homeless brother and sister fight out of a ruthless pimp.

The fight scenes are actually not that bad at all, which were some of my favorite parts of the film. There were some things that I had some problems with. Mainly the story is my biggest gripe. If Tong Po is such enemy in the series, where the hell is he? He is not mentioned at all during the film, which really messes up the film franchise as a whole.

This is easily the weakest film in the whole series, and unless you are crazy or want to see it, then avoid it.

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

A decent, but flawed sequel

[6/10 · 5 May 2008]

A decent follow up to the first Jurassic Park film, but it could have been better. Basically the film takes place a few years after the accident at the island. Ian is now considered crazy by his peers for comments about the island. While visiting the creator of the island he learns that there was another island and a friend of Ian's is on the island.

There are some things that I did like about the film. The CGI effects are still great, and there is some character development this time around, which is a nice change so it shows that characters are not always the same through the whole film.

The script I felt was weak at times. Mainly the times with the Ingen corp group I felt there was some stock scripting and nothing felt like it could really happen. There are fewer kids in this film which is a plus since the kids int he first film and the kids in this film don't seem realistic. The kids act like movie kids, which doesn't make them as realistic as they could be.

Overall it's not a bad sequel and it does follow the previous film well, but some flaws bog down the potential of a film that could have been a lot more.

Jurassic Park III (2001)

An unneeded sequel

[4/10 · 5 May 2008]

A good number of films have sequels. Most of the time the sequels are not as good as the first film. There are a few exceptions to this rule as well. Films sequels in my opinion fall into at least one of the following three groups, sequels that are not good, sequels that are good, and sequels that should not have been made. This film falls into both the first and three groups.

The basic gist of the film is that some people want to go Site "B" and see the dinosaurs. They get there and things go from dumb to worse.

I didn't like this film that much at all. The characters just don't seem like real people, they were not 2-d characters, and they are not 3-d characters, but sorta 2.5-d characters. They change some, but not much to seem like they should.

I also wasn't impressed with the CGI effects. The effects didn't seem realistic at times. The other problem I had with the film was the length of the film. The whole film seemed rushed and there was not much character development at all, which is important for any films, especially the Jurassic Park films.

This film is sorta like the many Friday the 13th films. Not good and not needed. If you enjoyed the first two Jurassic Park films then ignore this one, it's not worth it.

Top Gun (1986)

An interesting film, regardless of the mistakes

[7/10 · 25 April 2008]

For the record, I'm not a huge Tom Cruise fan. I really don't like him that much and I think he seems to be a bit over the top at all times. Regardless of that I do watch some of his films at least the ones that I want to watch.

The basic gist of the film is that Cruise plays a USN pilot who goes to an academy called TOP Gun to see if he has what it takes to be one of the best pilots around. Overall it's a good film, regardless of the mistakes that are made, which are more or less for military terms and what not.

If you enjoy military films or enjoy Tom cruise in general then you will not be disappointed by watching this film.

The Toxic Avenger (1984)

A true classic

[7/10 · 21 March 2008]

My path down independent films led to some very interesting films. Some of the films coming from Troma one of the leading companies in the independent film industry. Troma has made many classic films over the years, but the one that sticks with me the most is one of their greatest hits the Toxic Avenger.

The story is about a weakling janitor who works at a health club. After a freak accident he becomes the Toxic Avenger who seeks out evil and destroys it.

What make this film a classic is everything that is about it. The acting is bad at times, the script is corny, but it's violent and that's what really sticks out in my mind.

Overall this is easily one of Troma's greatest films and any fan of b-movies should watch this one for sure.

National Lampoon's European Vacation (1985)

Decent, but overrated

[5/10 · 16 February 2008]

I'm not a huge fan of the National Lampoon films. I enjoyed Animal House, NL's Vacation, and NL's Christmas Vacation. I started watching this film with high expectation, however when it was all said and done, I felt that I was slightly robbed of part of my life.

The film starts out with the Griswalds on a game show where they win the top prize which is a trip to Europe. Once in Europe everything that could go wrong does go wrong.

Some of the acting in this film seemed off. Chevy Chase and Beverly D'Angelo still do their parts very well and the really seem like a real married couple who's been together for a long time. Dana Hill seemed off on her mark and really just came off as a bitchy and love sicken teenager who I found to be annoying at every turn. Jason Lively now takes the role of Rusty Griswald and really missed the mark this time. Jason in my eyes could not capture Rusty as a 15 year old teenager.

There were some good laughs mainly through England and some of the Germany and Rome parts. I wasn't fully crazy for the France part, but it was true about when you butcher someone else's language up and they say stuff and you have no clue what they say. I know it happens here in the United States to, because I've done it before but after I am done talking to the person or they are out of range of hearing me saying stuff.

Some of the jokes seemed forced and don't come off as being very funny. If you love the Vacation films, you can watch it, so that you understand stuff that is referenced in previous films, but you or may not enjoy it.

Soylent Green (1973)

A film that shows a potential future ahead of us

[7/10 · 10 January 2008]

While I enjoy films, I tend to think that movie plots could potentially happen in real life. This film is one of those ideas that could happen in the future.

The film is basically starts out telling you that the world is overpopulated and real food is very rare. The film focuses on New York City and how life is dealing there. Half the population is out of work and overcrowding is a serious but unfix-able issue.

Since food is scarce a company called Soylent was created and they produced a type of food source called Soylent and has different names for each based off the color of it (Soylent Red, Yellow, etc). Most of these are in wide fashion, however a new Soylent has come out called Soylent Green which is made out of plankton, however since the demand for it is greater than the supply Soylent green can only be obtained once a week.

Charlton Heston plays a cop who investigates the murder of a rich man. Over the course of the film Charlton's character must find out why he was murdered and what exactly the secret of Soylent Green is. Edward G. Robinson plays Sol Roth an old man who helps Charlton's character in the film. Sol is known for saying why real food is rare, and how beautiful the world used to look before it was heavily damaged by people.

Sol serves more or less as the information man side kick for the film. He finds out information and is able to find the real secret of Soylent Green.

The script for the most part is really good, which some characters seem a little 2-d but that is mostly overlooked.

While the movie itself is fiction, it does ask a very important question. Is this a potential future for the world we live in? It's possible that something similar to what happens in this film could happen in the future.

Overall the film is good and is important to watch, regardless is you care about the environment or not.

Airplane II: The Sequel (1982)

Not as good as the first, but still enjoyable

[6/10 · 7 January 2008]

Airplane was a true comedy classic in every sense of the word. The jokes worked, and everything was just out right funny. Airplane II came out and while it's not as good as the first it's still enjoyable.

The film starts off with a Star Wars type scrolling text stating that it's the future and the first commerical space flight is about to begin. Ted from the first film is now is a hospital to deal with his problems and talks about the accident that put him there.

A good bit of the cast returns for the film, however Leslie Nelson is not in this film and would have been a good thing for him to be there.

A good bit of the jokes are rehashed from the first film and work on some levels but the lack of original jokes really cuts from the film to some degree.

Overall the film is not bad, but it's not laugh out loud as the first one was. This film is not everyone's cup of tea but it's a good to watch for a some decent laughs.

It's Pat: The Movie (1994)

Bad, but not the worst movie ever

[3/10 · 4 January 2008]

Being a fan of SNL and bad movies is an odd mixture of things that I enjoy. Being a fan of older SNL skits, one that always gave me a good laugh was Pat. In order to ride the wave of success that the skit had a movie was made called It's Pat, and while it's not the best film around, it's currently not the worst either.

The skit Pat is about a androgynous person called Pat, who no body is able to tell if Pat is a male or female. Pat would say phrases that would be said specifically by either sex, but would then be canceled out by having Pat say something that would confuse the person further. An example of this would be Sorry if I'm a little grumpy, I have really bad cramps... I rode my bike over here, and my calf muscles are KILLING me!" I will now talk about the film itself. The film starts with the birth of Pat but just like the show we don't know if Pat is a male or female. The entire plot of the film deals with this entire though, "Is Pat a man or a woman" Some of the dialog is just stupid and at times pointless. While the whole plot goes on, another man tries to find out what is Pat's sex because he is obsessed with Pat.

The acting is at times awful, but it's still funny to watch at times. This isn't the best film around, but it's not the worst.

Kiki's Delivery Service (1989)

A true Japanese classic

[9/10 · 31 December 2007]

I'm a huge animation fan. Mostly Anime, as I tend to be turned off by the stuff that is made in the USA with the exception of some animated TV shows like King of the Hill, The Simpson, and Family guy just to name a few. Over the course of the year I have been given the honor of watching some great anime films to come from Japan. This review will be able one of them.

This story is basically about a teenage age witch named Kiki who must live on her own in another town for a year. Her mother is a witch but is not at good at witch craft as her mother is. When she gets to this town that she lives in, she does not know what she needs to do in order to make money.

I won't spoil the rest of it for you as you will need to watch the film to see what she does to get by.

The script is well written (I've only listed to the Japanese track and not the English dub track) and the animation is really good and had aged very well.

If you enjoy anime films then you will enjoy this on multiple levels.

Troll 2 (1990)

Awful to watch, but that's what makes it good

[3/10 · 11 December 2007]

For the B movie fans, there are films to watch, and there are "films" to watch. This movie falls in the later. Having become a b movie fan earlier this year, I made it my goal to watch a majority of the "bad" films that exist. This not included garbage made today, I'm talking about 90's and earlier. Over the course of last year, I learned of the films from some people on a forum on another website. Claim it as the best/worst film ever made. They consider it to be the best bad movie of all time, even greater then the cult favorite Plan 9 from outer space.

The basic plot of the film is that this family goes to another town for a vacation called Nilbog. The town is completely made up of religious vegetarians who love milk for some reason. It turns out that the entire town is made up of goblins hence the name Nilbog which is actually Goblin spelled backwards.

The plot itself is just so bad. The actors and actresses are bland and are overacting at many parts of the film. The whole idea of how to beat the Goblins is just goofy in itself.

The film itself has NOTHING to do with the previous film, so if you have seen the first film, and expect to see the 2nd film deal with more Trolls you would be disappointed.

The film is bad, but there are worse films out there. Trust me I have seen some of the films that are worse than this and it makes Troll 2 look like a blockbuster hit.

Overall if you enjoy b movies or bad movies, then this is your film. If you hate bad movies, then avoid it at all cost.

Casino Royale (2006)

Easily the best James bond movie around

[9/10 · 11 December 2007]

Last night I had the pleasure of watching this film for the first time. I must say that I was curious for a long time on how this movie would turn out, being that a blond actor was playing James Bond. I can say that once the film started, that feeling went away, I and knew that Daniel Craig was the real deal.

The script, the expressions, and the fight scenes were in a sense awesome in it's purest form. I'm pretty sure if you would look awesome up in a dictionary, you would find this movie in there. James Bond seems more bad ass which is a change from his usual self but it makes the character seem more human, as he is not always a suave type character.

I do have one major issue with the movie, and that is the time setting that this movie takes place in. While this movie is to be able James Bond's first assignment as a 00 agent, I think setting the film in the present, really takes away from it. Considering that the first James Bond film was made in 1962 I felt that this film should have taken place in the late 50's early 60's instead of the present. It would like having the film Gettysburg set in the year 2000 instead of the 1800s.

Other than the small problem that I have, I found this film to be a delight every minute of the way. If you have not seen it and are a James Bond fan, I STRONGLY recommend that you see this film, you will not be disappointed.

The Truman Show (1998)

Easily one of the most unique ideas I have ever seen

[9/10 · 6 December 2007]

I love movies, good and bad, new and old. With the countless and awful remakes in today's world it's hard to find a movie that's original and unique today. I rarely watch new films since I think the older ones are better imo.

I wouldn't consider myself a huge Jim Carrey fan, I like some of his movies, but not all of them. I had the honor of watching this great film several years ago in a college psychology class, and loved it. The basic idea of the film is that a man who believe what he is experiencing the real world, is in fact a staged TV show that has been going on for years and has no idea about it.

The film itself is unique because to my knowledge nothing like this has been done before until EdTV, but that was different. The movie itself brings up an interesting point. Is everything that we do in life just part of some gran scheme and somebody is watching out lives. This film also has a quote that I would like to point out "We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented." This quote itself imo sums up the entire film. We don't question the reality that exists as we see it. We accept it, but how do we know it's real. How do we know it's not some person's dream and that once they wake up we die? We don't know that, nobody knows. We just accept it and deal with it. Truman doesn't question at first the world he is in. Little by little he questions the system and overall learns about his "wolrd" that he lives in.

If you have not seen this film then I would strong suggest you watch it, especially those who have psychology background.

Friday the 13th (1980)

The start of it all

[6/10 · 29 October 2007]

The 1980's saw the rise of the Slasher film sub genre and many films were created as a result. Most of those are still well known for this day and countless remakes and sequels were made as well. One of the more notable slasher films out there is Friday the 13th, and this short review will be talking about the film that started it all.

The basic idea of this story was that a group of teenagers go to this old camp as a counselor retreat. They go to Camp Crystal Lake for the weekend. Various people tell the teenagers not to go there since it's cursed and people have been killed there.

A bad storm arrives and one by the one the counselors are killed off by a killer.

I won't give away the rest of the story, it's better to watch the film. When this film came out it was pretty scary which was 27 years ago. By today's standards it's a fairly tame film. It's kinda like Psycho when it came out in the 60's. It was shocking back then, but now it's kidna the norm to have stuff like that in a film, so it's not shocking.

The script could be better along with the acting. Overall it's not a bad film and if you haven't seen it, then I would suggest that you either buy or rent it.

Forrest Gump (1994)

Easily one of Tom Hank's greatest roles ever

[8/10 · 8 October 2007]

I enjoy Tom Hank's film (Philadephia). He adds a certain touch to the films that others do not bring. I have always enjoyed Forrest Gump and it's one of my favorite films of all times.

The film is about a man named Forrest Gump a man who is not the sharpest knife in the draw tells various people about his life, and the historical events that he lived though, along with the famous people he meets.

The script itself is very well written and the actors and actresses seem very real and very likable. The only thing I was not fairly happy for was that Forrest was able to see famous events in history (Watergate, etc.) Overall I consider this one of my favorite films of all times. When I feel I need to watch a good film, this is one of them. If you have not seen this film then either rent it, buy it, or watch it on TV since it seems to be on quite often.

My Neighbor Totoro (1988)

A Fantastic film that is a must watch

[9/10 · 8 August 2007]

Over the years my taste in movies changed from kid movies, to more adult (not porn) based films. I will still watch a kid's movie know and then if I have heard that it is really good or really funny. I became of fan of Anime movies some years ago, and was hoping to see more in my life time. I read a lot about Grave of the Fireflies and upon watching it, made me feel human again. I heard about Tonari no Totoro around the same time I heard of Grave of the Fireflies, however I did not have the money to obtain Tonari no Totoro.

I had the chance to watch this film and loved it when I watched it. Basically the film is about a family, two sisters and their father who move into a new house. The sisters see this spirit who takes them throughout the forest and other parts of the land.

The story is well told and the animation is top notch.

If you like cute stories like this, then watch this film..

Street Fighter (1994)

Corny but can be fun

[4/10 · 23 July 2007]

Street Fighter is one of the best known fighting games out today. It has spawned off action figures, animated movies, an animated cartoon show, other various games. Jumping on the success band wagon a live action movie was made based off Street Fighter 2. The movies it self was corny but was the first successful video game based movie.

Bison who is a ruthless General in Shadowloo. The A.N (a UN ripoff) has been called in to fight his forces. Colonel Guile is in charge of this A.N military group and leads the attack to stop Bison.

The characters from the game are there but they have different roles, which I think hindered the movie. While Guile is a military officer he is a Captain in the US Air Force. Chung-Li is now a reporter, E Honda is a camera man along with Balrog. Ken and Ryu sell weapons. Vega and Sagat gives weapons to Bison. Dee Jay works for Bison, and T Hawk and Cammy are with the A.N forces.

The one lines are corny but fun at times. Most of the moves that the characters do in the game (except projectile weapons with Bison being the exception) are shown but are poorer versions of the moves. I'm not going to get into the details on this but it is a must watch.

Some of the characters are lessened from the roles in the game which does not do any justice. Some of the action at times can be wooden but overall is decent.

This film has a cult following and if you are interested in seeing it rent it first, it is not for everyone.

Mortal Kombat (1995)

Probably the best movie based on a video game ever made

[7/10 · 23 July 2007]

Many people can tell you that movies based off video games are just bad, like Double Dragon, Super Mario Brothers. etc. Some of the movies based off video games are fairly decent. Mortal Kombat is one of them.

The basic plot is as follow. There exists a tournament held every generation and the best fighter from the Earthrealm fight the best fighters from Outworld. If Outworld is able to win ten tournaments in a row, then Outworld will control Earthrealm. Outworld has nine wins in a row and if they win the next tournament they will control Earthrealm.

The first thing I liked about this film is that they kept the film very similar to the game. Most movies based on video games tend to change the plot and go in a different direction. Some things were changed mainly the Sub Zero and Scorpion relationship. While somethings did change the changes where for the most part really well.

The actors and actresses did an excellent job of portraying their characters. From the way the roles where played you could also see yourself watching the digitized characters from the game in the film. The script was also well written and the special effects were very good. The fights scenes were also well preformed and were for the most part realistic.

If you have not seen this film and are a fan of the game then get this movie and watch it. You won't be disappointed.

Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story (1993)

A decent movie with its share of problems

[5/10 · 10 July 2007]

Bruce Lee considered to be of the most famous martial artists of all time, finally had a decent movie made about him 14 years ago. When I first watched it I enjoyed it. I watched it again in bits and pieces a few weeks ago and was some what disgusted by it.

The film is about the life of Bruce Lee and how he became what he was in life. The film itself contained many factual errors which bog down the film itself from something interesting to something that will make you say, that is not right.

The biggest factual error that really got be upset was the Long Beach International Scene. The fight that Bruce Lee actually fought was an exhibition match. Bruce Lee only competed once in his life and got third in forms at the Long Beach Internationals.

If you overlook the factual mistakes with there quite a lot you may enjoy this movie. If you know a lot about the history of Bruce Lee, then avoid this film, it will leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Walker, Texas Ranger (1993–2001)

America's best camp TV series

[5/10 · 7 July 2007]

When you ask people what are some of the things Chuck Norris is known for, you will probably get one of the following answers:

1. His action movies 2. His karate tournament career 3. His tall tale facts 4. Walker Texas Ranger

Walker was a TV show that ran from 1993 to 2001. The story was about Cordell Walker a Texas Ranger who fights the bad guys with his martial arts skills. This show would feature some top name actor and actresses but however it enjoys some camp quality features. Some of the things that make this a camp show are:

1. Mediocre script. 2. Over the Top acting at times. 3. Quasi stormtrooper effect (When I say this I mean one man taking out a bunch of people, however in this case Cordell has his martial arts abilities and is trained)

The script was never anything special. Some characters seemed wooden or were stereotyped mainly this applied to the support characters of the episode. The acting was at times over the top and was quite obvious some people seemed a little too excited to get beat up.

Even with some of these problems this is still a good TV show and one of my favorite shows of all time.

Heaven's Gate (1980)

United Artists's Waterloo film

[7/10 · 29 June 2007]

Many films can either make or break a company in many ways. Some films however are the ones that break a company, much as Heaven's Gate did to United Artists.

The film bombed in theaters and as a result UA ceased to be. Basically the film has to do with the Johnson County War which actually did occur. The film itself is not bad, however the film is very long (3 hours and 40 min). I'll admit it took me months to finish the film. I started watching this film back in February and I just finished watching it about 10 min ago.

Several things led to this movie having problems. One the dust. Some scenes mainly at the end are so dusty it is unwatchable. A lot of dialog is not in English so it makes it harder to watch and there are no subtitles. The films drags on in a lot of places mainly the first 90 min which seem to take forever to get past.

Many of the actors and actresses seem to just go through the motions when giving their lines and thus can seem wooden.

My only real reason for watching this film was to see why is caused UA to go bankrupt. The film is not bad, however it is not for everyone. If you have a lot and I mean A LOT of time to kill, then you can watch this film, otherwise watch what you can before you die of boredom.

A Force of One (1979)

A good early Chuck Norris film

[7/10 · 18 June 2007]

Most people know Chuck Norris for his TV show Walker, Texas Ranger, and some of his later films. A Force of One is an early Chuck Norris film.

Basically this film is about police officers who are killed by someone who uses martial arts to defeat the officers. The police decided that the officers need martial arts training, which is taught by Matt Logan (Chuck Norris) who is also a pro kickboxer.

What makes this more than just average is that Bill "Superfoot" Wallace is in this film. Wallace was the current Middleweight Kickboxing World Champion during the making of this film.

The lines are cheesy and some of the acting is a little wooden but the fight scenes are well made. While this is not the best film that has Chuck Norris in it, it is a good film to watch if you are a fan of his early work.