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5 reviews in total 
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Jarhead (2005)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
an unfulfilled classic, 21 May 2006
8/10

i saw this last night and i'd heard mixed opinions of it which seems the problem. The moment Jarhead was announced Sam Mendes the man responsible for American Beauty, a perfectly sculpted comment on lost innocence and alienation takes on war the heart of lost innocence and not only that the gulf war, the ultimate metaphor of alienation and something somewhat feared by Hollywood, not only that but Jake Ghylenhaal, Hollywoods newest wonder boy and star of everybody's favourite cult film was to star. It was touted as the apocalypse now or Full Metal Jacket for the new generation. Apocalypse now it isn't but it could have been. There are countless scenes which could have become iconic, playing American Football in chemical suits and the branding of Troy. Don't mistake me these are still memorable scenes but they are not classic making scenes like the beach attack in Apocalypse now, i also felt Jarhead lacked a character as memorable as Killgore or Gunnery Sergeant Hartman. The film seems very much to be cut up into two halves Operation Desert Shield and Operation Desert Storm- the first half (in which Swafford is trained and very suddenly sent to operation desert shield) is well done with ironic music and top one liners (alot of ironic humour, lines such as "thank god we never have to see to this sh*t hole again" referring to Iraq) punctuating a general feeling of honesty as to what actually happens in the army. When they hit the desert for operation desert shield i don't believe Mendes has achieved the effect he hoped for, we should feel like we're waiting for something to happen, we should fell like Swaff and the others. The football game should have appeared out of this, just something to do, not playing up for the cameras then it would have been iconic especially if filmed like any given Sunday or Friday night lights. When Swaff loses it with the other soldier was great and perfectly acted by Gylenhaal. When Desert storm begins is when i think the film really takes off you begin to feel really frustrated as they chase the war and the scenes at the burnt out barricade type thing are harrowing, they really make a point as does the friendly fire incident. You really start to feel for Swaf and Troy as they miss the chance at a kill and seeing them go back to their everyday lives makes it's point nicely. The cinematography is stunning there's little more i can say for it, you just have to see the desert after it rains oil. Overall this is a great film but not a classic, it lacks the memorable scenes which make it's predecessors so iconic except the point when the soldiers watch apocalypse now. If it ha been handle with a slightly higher level of skill it would easily have lived up to it's name.

Porky's (1982)
6 out of 10 people found the following review useful:
The film Animal House wishes it was, 2 May 2006
6/10

Porkys is the original base comedy teen film and does it oh so well. From Porky's pig pen, the holy grail of sex to the howling PE teacher (a young Kim Catrall)the classic comedic moments just keep coming, the moral of the story (anti-anti-semitism) seems as if it may have been levered in as an after thought to give the film more depth but this could just be the film ageing. Overall Porkys can be clunky but this is an inevitable part of it's 80's heritage and it beats the pants off Animal house blow for blow (atleast Porkys has a plot)though not as side splitting as American Pie this again seems to be a product of age. See it but treat it like your mates dad, where your mate gets all his jokes from but your mate tells them in more your way. Respect for the Porky's sign though, i want it on my wall.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
self conscious, witty, Hilarious, 26 February 2006
8/10

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang revolves around petty Criminal Harry Lockhart who stumbles into an audition for a role as a detective and is crowned Hollywood's brightest star subsequently being trained for his role by real detective (Val Kilmer's inspired Gay Perry).

Shane Black made his name penning Lethal Weapon and the Long Kiss Good Night, films stuffed to the hilt with clichéd smooth as hell language and over the top gunfights characterised by Bad guys who couldn't hit a barn door and good guys who never missed but disappeared off the Hollywood map. In fact rumour has it Black had to change his pen name simply to get the script for Kiss Kiss Bang Bang read, a legacy which surges through the whole film with Blacks (and every other action films) signature twists and turns dealt with a great depth of skill and providing ample plot but a sometimes subtle sometimes painfully (yet hilariously) obvious parody of Hollywood action films making Kiss Kiss Bang Bang the potential classic it is.

Through out his return to the Hollywood fold Black goes about deconstructing every film he's ever written and prodding it. The buddy cops of Lethal weapon weapon become the uneasy partnership of pro detective Gay Perry (Kilmer) and wannabe actor Harry (Downey Jr), the slick dialogue becomes humorous reference to Hollywood in general and hilarious twists on typical 'slick' dialogue ("You're an idiot. You know that. You know if you looked in the dictionary next to the word idiot you know what you'll find? A picture of me? No! The definition of the word idiot. Which you are".) With the whole film narrated by Harry himself often making mistakes and skipping bits. For all it's comedy though Kiss Kiss Bang Bang retains it's slick, cool feel and brings all the thrills of Blacks earlier offerings.It does give less bang for your buck but most audiences should see this as a worthy sacrifice for the humour introduced.

Whilst watching Kiss Kiss Bang Bang one could easily draw parallels with Pulp Fiction for it's super cool dialogue and genre referencing but it's closest comparison may possibly be Wes Cravens Scream. Craven pulled apart slashers films, explained them to us then went about contradicting every convention referencing every horror film he could think of on the way but still made a fully fledged slasher film instead of the parody you would expect, Black didn't explain action to us but what need is there, pull the trigger say something witty, but he did turn every convention of the standard action film on it's head, point fun at a never ending range of films and come out the other side with a fully fledged action film better than any action film he'd ever come up with before.

In Conclusion: Deserves to be a classic, see it now

13 out of 28 people found the following review useful:
least funny film i've ever seen, 25 February 2006
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

the plot is just a series of ill thought out strands strung together, the humour is non existent, the only time i laughed was when the girl pronounced "i'm only 13", this was not out of humour but discomfort. The jokes are all clichéd and even when i heard them for the first time (in marginally better films) they weren't funny.

The open premise is unbelievably shaky with the two prospective pledgers being rejected from the frat they spend the rest of the film in without this decision being changed (the speech made is booed off and his claims of entitlement through his brother immediately rejected) The frat is shut down for the toga party then shut down again for poor grades directly after the pointless one stop road trip without being reopened.

To summarise: base, humourless, a low point in John Belushi's career though a highlight in the National Lampoons saga.

Hulk (2003)
i wanted to rip my eyes out, 30 January 2006
3/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

The Hulk is just plain bad. it never engages it's audience like xmen or the old superman films, it takes itself far too seriously by going into the science of the thing- he's a big stupid green man it's not really science it's a comic book. Which mastermind contestant was trying to think of something really cool to attack the Hulk with and thought oh poodles are scary. Banners dad was a lame bad guy- several people walked out of the cinema during the showing and the rest of the audience spent the showing laughing at the poorness of the film (i kid you not), i only stayed because my lift home wasn't coming until the end. MAKE NO SEQUEL- T'IS THE DEVILS COMIC BOOK ADAPTATION. I've only seen two films i disliked more- Unbreakable and long time dead