Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
Dark Vengeance (1992)
Not bad enough to be good, not good enough to be good either.
This movie was just stunningly average. Decent concept, but the plot falters about 5 minutes into the movie and gets bogged down in a mind-numbingly boring morality play, complete with silly voice-overs, insipid bad guys (especially the leader, who's about as menacing as Richard Simmons), seemingly random fight scenes which seem to occur at specifically timed intervals when the terribly paced "story" footage runs out, and endless boring pointless shots of dune buggies zooming around in the desert.
Basically, this could've become mindless entertainment if they'd thrown out all the idiotic subplots, extended the fight scenes significantly and shaved the film's running time down to around 75 minutes. The characters are so inane that I keep wishing they'd just get on with killing each other so they'd at least shut up and stop reciting endless boring dialog from off-camera cue cards written on the spot. I literally had to focus on keeping myself awake while watching it. Mediocrity, thy name is Warlords 3000.
Dragon Fury (1995)
This is one of those movies which is insanely enjoyable for the sole purpose of laughing at how badly the makers tried and failed to make a watchable movie. The paper-thin plot revolves around the future being all post-apocalyptic and plagued by a nasty disease (which is referred to by a made-up name which would make it a bacterium even though it's called a virus), so the pretty-boy main character goes back to 1999 (in a time machine seemingly made of spare planks and leftover parts from someone's school science project) to find the cure. Of course, he's followed by a couple of bad-asses and his wife, who randomly takes her top off before going through for no apparent reason. Then later on she takes it off again, after saying "but not before we rest and have sex". Yes, that's a direct quote.
Anyway, most of the movie involves random fighting, interspersed with hilariously bad dialog, random nudity and acting so wooden you could hammer nails into it and make a porch from it. It also seems to have been filmed through a camera lens smeared with vaseline, edited by a monkey and mixed on a $50 boom box tape recorder. In other words, splendid stuff if you're looking to go a bit of home-mysting.