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Sugar-coated crap dipped in stupidity and poured onto a DVD.
This is one of the worst movies I have ever seen, and yes, I have sat through Manos, Girl in Golden Boots, and Daredevil (all with the aid of MST3k, of course...disregarding Daredevil, which somehow manages to surpass this "movie").
The words that fly from the mouths of the Angels, often being incoherent, poor excuses of sexual innuendo that have no relevance to the plot, will make your brains ooze onto the floor. See that? That's your frontal lobe, where most of your thinking occurs in your brain. That's what the writers of this flick and director McG are missing.
The Angels and their enemies often defy the Laws of Physics in ways that make all three Matrix movies look not only believable, but something you'd expect in day to day life. Not only that, the special effects are so terrible it looks like some amateur merely used Photoshopnay, MS Paintto crop the Angels into different positions for every other frame. All of the other flips and jumps are done very convincingly; "convincingly" meaning "I can see the damn ropes flinging you into the air." On top of that, none of the action is all that entertaining in the first place, just the standard punching, kicking, choking, and licking (more on that later) that you see in any B-action-movie, with a few explosions here and there. It's like a donut of crap glazed in sewage and filled with garbage. Utterly pointless.
Do I dare delve into the plot? Well, it's mainly the girls running to different locations in different costumes for no reason, disregarding the two completely ridiculous transitions where they use their senses of taste and smell.
Here's a spoiler: some kid (vital to the plot as he is, I forgot his name. Right.) has his parents killed at the beginning of the movie, and miraculously has a recovery time of zero. By the end of the movie, he's all smiles when he learns he was adopted by Bosley's family (whose existence in the movie, along with Bernie Mac, was to provide stereotypical loud Black humor). The rest of the plot is basically Demi Moore trying to kill Charlie, and if you didn't know that her character was evil before seeing the filmwell, it doesn't really matter anyway, does it?
But the most mindblowing aspect of the movieeven more mindblowing than seeing the grotesquely skinny Cameron Diaz, the somewhat attractive Lucy Liu (I blame the stage lighting and makeup crews), and the totally out of place Drew Barrymore all scantily clad in the stripper sceneis when Demi Moore, holding Cameron Diaz at gunpoint and droning through her Evil Mastermind Monologue That Gives the Hero a Chance to Totally Ruin her Plans,
LICKS Diaz's FACE.
LICKS it as she is about to blow out her brains. The remote almost flew into the TV, which would have been followed by the PS2, and then finally my own head. Anything to stop the madness.
I don't care if this is supposed to be action-movie porn. Do yourself a favor and just watch a trainwreck full of beautiful naked women instead. That'll save some time, money, and maybe three or four billion braincells.