Reviews

38 ReviewsOrdered By: Date
1/10
The Worst Movie of the Year
23 November 2017
Warning: Spoilers
This is one of the most poorly written, produced, directed, acted, edited films I've seen all year. It's all entirely incoherent with 0 logic put into it. From characters to story, everything is done completely wrong. The directing is very bad. You won't see anything more pretentious than the shots and color grading of Three Billboards all year. It's a lot of slow pans, hand-held, and shots of billboards that has no significant meaning. The lighting is also very unnatural too. There is a super pretentious deer scene that supposedly represents incarnation? What does that symbolic metaphor supposed to represent if her daughter is dead? UGGHHHHH. The music is absolutely horrible. It's this typical Coen Brothers esque music. Actually the entire film feels like a Coen Brothers rip off. There is also this obnoxious Southern music that will fill your mind with toxic. The characters and the story represents a Southern country. Another movie glorifying these obnoxious conservative Trump tards. The more we support these vagrant trash, the more the world will suck. Three Billboards is one of those cynical depressing movies that doesn't help anyone. "OH LIFE IS SO DEPRESSING, LOOK THE COPS DON'T HELP FIND THE RAPIST AND WE MAY NEVER FIND THE RAPIST SO LETS GO DO SOMETHING IMMORAL OR KILL OURSELVES." Seriously? The message is so bad in this film that it doesn't even make sense. The acting is some of the worst I've seen all year. No one is good in this movie and the characters are just down right awful. All of these characters have problems and they are so unlikable that you just don't care for them. They also make absolutely 0 sense. So, Frances McDormand is supposed to be this strong female character, but she is dependent on the cops catching her criminal? SHE ENDS UP GOING AFTER A RAPIST THAT ISN'T HER RAPIST, SO WHY DIDN'T SHE DO THAT WITH HER RAPIST IN THE FIRST PLACE? Oh yeah, to even add more heat to that ending. Apparently Sam Rockwell knows where that rapist lives just by getting his car plate number and the blood from him beating him? He's not a cop anymore, so why is he able to get confidential information that he shouldn't have access to? OKKAAAAYYY that makes no sense. Sam Rockwell becomes from a racist cop to good cop for some reason because he read a letter from his dead chief. Why? He despised his chief in the first half, so that right there is a plot hole. The editing is absolutely poor. Sam Rockwell decides to go beat up redhead boy funding the billboards after his chief kills himself cause I guess he think those billboards killed his chief? We never saw any of that anger so it is just came left field without reasoning. The chief killing himself also makes no sense. There was absolutely 0 development that he was struggling with cancer. Just one cough of blood here and there and some dark jokes about cancer. The movie failed to deliver that aspect and so him killing himself after making sex jokes with his wife made no sense. Here is where the movie gets even more messy. The town blames the billboards for what caused his death, but before that happened. Frances McDormand says to Woody that everyone knows he had cancer. SOOOOO WOULDN'T HIS STRUGGLE WITH CANCER BE THE REASON WHY HE KILLED HIMSELF? WOULD THAT BE A POSSIBLE EXPLANATION AND NOT THE BILLBOARDS? Way to contradict yourself director/writer. This film is full of contradictions like these. The movie itself overall doesn't work well as a dark dramedy. The comedy is not funny and repetitive. It's a lot of derogatory jokes and "oh that's from a book, oh that's from a movie." Those ships have sailed long ago. There is nothing original about this film at all. Anyways, this movie gets a 0/10.
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10/10
The Greatest Superhero Movie of All Time
16 November 2017
Marvelites can go suck a duck. All Marvel movies are garbage and 1/10 quality. This film destroys the latest dumpster fire from Marvel that is Thor Ruggyrock. This movie is a masterpiece ahead of its time. Its symbolism, metaphors, and triumphant storytelling is well intended and culturally demanding in every way. Think of Bach if he knew how to dance around all his composition, THIS IS EXACTLY THAT. It is a true masterpiece and true art at its core. If those pretentio-douchies like Kubrick and Barfosky would listen to the god of cinema Zack Snyder, then they would know what it truly means to be an artist. Like all Zack Snyder movies, Zack Snyder has finally crafted another intelligent and important piece of symphony. Not like those pseudo-intellectual bums like Kubrick and Barfosky. This movie is evolutionary and will be considered the best movie of all time 10 years later. It is a historical relic that will stand the test of time. GO OUT AND SEE IT AND BOYCOTT MARVEL.

10/10!
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Good Time (2017)
1/10
Plagiaristic copy of Martin Scorsese's Awful After Hours
7 November 2017
This movie rips everything from Awful Hours (directed by one of the most overrated and terrible directors of all time, Martin Scorsese). The plot is essentially After Hours, the characters are guilty and stupid. Setting is contained within an entire day till morning again. The soundtrack is like a time clock and extremely obnoxious. Only this time, IT'S ALL CLOSE UPS. WOOH Shaky CAM, GO LOW BUDGET. The directors are such idiots that they once again make the mistake of what made their movie Heaven Knows What extremely mediocre. HIRING PEOPLE WHO WORK THEIR OWN JOBS. They aren't acting cause they can't act, you can tell when a police officer is an actual police officer or a nurse is an actual nurse. Way to be so lazy and not hire actors to challenge them to try to be a legitimate police officer or nurse. Where's the ambition? You're gonna use the same piece of crap narcotic crackhead that got real jail time years ago from Heaven Knows What? Really directors? Also, Ben Safdie is insulting to mentally handicapped people. His performance is so wrong in so many ways. Wow, such genuine directors. Way to make fun of handicapped people JUST WOW! Robert Pattinson once again cannot act. What an idiot, he ruins method acting just as Jared Leto. You don't starve yourself in a basement and look like a homeless hobo when the character clearly isn't supposed to look like one or act like one. He literally has a nice apartment and his parents are wealthy enough. This is one of the first times I've seen an actor add plot holes to a movie. The cinematography is pretty bad. It's filled with obnoxious pandering metaphors using neon colors. Oh, when they're in the red. It's danger. When it's pink, it's love. Are you serious? You are going to play the audience dumb because you think they can't process information without visual cues? Who do they think we are? Sunjay Gupta? JUST LET US THINK FOR OURSELVES. OH YEAH, lets not forget about that ending. Holy in god, what a pretentious ending about rehab and therapy.

0/10.
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1/10
As garbage as the first one
5 October 2017
Ugly cinematography, bad directing, all the actors look like they suffered from mania. Action is garbage, no where near the level of the masterpiece Kingsman: The Golden Circle. There is no cowboys or rednecks, it gets an instant 0. Harrison Ford cannot act or do action. He is too old, every time he tries to punch is a punch line. Ryan Gosling is boring and can't act. He should go back to Gay Gay Land. Ana de Armas is ugly and has no talent and she should just quit Hollyweird. This is the worst movie ever made.

-100/10
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1/10
Unnecessary Politics
26 September 2017
Warning: Spoilers
The first Kingsman was subtle with Obama's head exploding. This here is just pandering and irritating. 2016 and 2017 are the years Trump gets bashed a bunch by angry voters and celebrities. At this point, it's real old and it's not funny anymore. It is so ham fisted in your face in this film that you just want to die. Basically, Trump is an evil man who wants to kill all the druggies so that no more drugs will be distributed. Then, they have Hillary Clinton who is the vice president. By the end you know it all, Trump's impeached. Hillary becomes the president of the United States.
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Stalker (1979)
1/10
One of the worst movies and directors of all time
22 September 2017
Awful in every way. The cinematography is bad, the shot composition is bad, the editing is bad, the music is garbage, the writing is cynical, the entire film is a piece of crap. Andrei Tarkovsky has a extended filmography of crap after crap after crap. It has really terrible long takes that are easily made with no complexity to the lens whatsoever. All the performances are crap. The message is, LIFE IS BORING, WE NEED TO BREAK INTO A MUTATED FACILITY BECAUSE IT CAN MAKE US RICH. Yeah, greedy unlikable criminal scum characters and we're suppose to support them? Nope. What's even wrong with this film is that throughout the film, it is hamfisted in your face with monologues and dialogue of the writer telling the audience about his cynical life because he's just another crappy Communist who can't make or write films. Cannot believe people praise craptist like him. It's these pretentious people that make Hitchcock, Kubrick, and all these other crappy filmmakers high regard. Screw em.

0/10.
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A Ghost Story (2017)
1/10
Ripping off a boring dull craptist like Andrei Barfofsky
21 September 2017
This director tried so hard to rip off that sack of Russian craptist, Andrei Barfosky. There was another craptist called Alejandro Inarittu who tried to copy Barfosky with The Revenant and that was a slow, boring, technically pandering piece of crap too. This here is no different. Long takes, static shots, really bad cinematography, and just ugly like every Barfosky movie. What do we get in a world full of overpraised craptist like Emmanuel Lubezki, Andrei Barfosky, Ingrid Bergman, Alejandro Inarritu, or the king of sack of them all, Hitchcock? We get pretentious cinema, nothing more. All their movies suck and this one sucks just the same.

0/10 like every one of their films.
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Mother! (2017)
1/10
Plagiaristofsky Strikes Again
11 September 2017
Warning: Spoilers
After plagiarizing Perfect Blue with Requiem for a Dream and the entirety of Black Swan, here comes another movie he plagiarizes once more. This time it is Roman Polanski's horror masterpiece Rosemary's Baby. It is a shot for shot remake. If you've seen Rosemary's Baby, you basically know what happens. The only thing is that it is filled with horrible performances from the likes of modern thespians such as Jennifer Lawrence, Javier Bardem, Ed Harris, and Michelle Pfeiffer. Just terrible actors who can only act modern and you could easily spot who they are each time they are on screen. It's also poorly directed with bad CGI, bad camera work as usual, bad editing, and just crappy color grading. If you hate Aronofsky's look and style, you'll definitely hate this one even more. Darren Aronofsky proves himself to be an incompetent director who only knows how to steal from others once again. Do yourselves a favor and boycott this movie.

-100/10.
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It (I) (2017)
2/10
A Potty Mouth Adaptation that misses the point
8 September 2017
Warning: Spoilers
This movie is filled with ridiculous amounts of profanity after another by little kids telling jokes every few minutes because people think kids yelling the F word, C word, S word is funny. Not, this movie is horrible and completely misses the point of what It is supposed to be. It is supposed be terrifying, dangerous, grueling, grim, and depressing. Not this joke fest they've made. Completely overdone and only has 10% of gore of what the book has to offer. This film was supposed to offer NC-17 level violence and even controversial scenes such as a child having sex with another child. There's none of that in here. There's only an arm rip scene, which was done in the most non-disgusting way. Probably because Hollywood has a cynical view of cinema and they can't go all out because they're too wussy to take their ambitions to greater heights. The production is mediocre. Lots of fake looking sets, cheap digital effects that may put the audience off. The child performances are horrible as always. Just straight up cringe. Bill Skarsgaard is okay, but at times he is way too obvious. Once again, a horror film reduced to dumb characters making very dumb decisions. The cinematography was standard, shot composition was below average, lighting wasn't too good, color grading is the blue and orange teal and every Hollywood movie. Do yourself a favor and save yourself from It. It will just irritate your mind the more you watch It.

2/10.
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Death Note (2017)
2/10
A movie that gets 98% everything wrong
25 August 2017
This movie was a mess. From a directional standpoint, to acting, to script writing, everything. The VFX is horrible in this movie. It's so low budget, you'd imagine it be a cheap TV show. Ryuk's forehead is too big and feels nonexistent within the mise-en-scene. Light Yagami is everything wrong, changed to a bullied kid to feel politically relevant and correct. He's just eccentric, over the top, and a creepy looking mofo. Mia is supposed to be Misa? She is changed to a typical short girl cheerleader who follows Light around. Also, why would anyone name their kid Light in America is beyond me. This movie was rushed. From the start, we already see the book falling down. There is no build up to this or tension, it just falls and it's one of the cheapest looking movie production props I have ever seen. The design is something you'd see from a fanmade film. Then, the title sequence. They got the colors right at first, but then they went with complete blue, when it should be red and a bit of purple. All of the dialogue is awkward and choppy. Terrible line deliveries from each actor, just overcooked and several mumbling moments. The deaths were immoral, stupid, and just goes to Final Destination B-movie horror territory. The writers they hired wrote Immortal, a terrible movie with Henry Cavill. So, it was doomed to suck to begin with. They hired Adam Wingard too who directed the overrated The Guest. He's just bad, they should stop hiring him. His camera tricks are cheap, choppy, and horrible to look at. Blair Witch was unwatchable, this one is almost too. Ugliest looking cinematography of the year, muddy, unsmooth, bad shot composition, and student film level. The music choice is pop/techno like music and it is all wrong. Death Note was Gothic, operatic, and heavy metal. The only thing they got right was Ryuk's voice.

2/10.
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