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robbed by pirates :(
(contains spoilers... but trust me, that won't matter).
it's safe to say that Johnny Depp single-handily made the 'pirate' series a success. if not for Depp telling interviewers Keith Richards inspired his captain jack-isms, Keith Richards would certainly not have appeared in the 3rd movie. in between the excessive amount of canon balls/sword fights scenes, i couldn't wait to get home and tear this movie to shreds.
it's such an easy formula: three parts jack sparrow, eleven parts talking about jack sparrow, two parts love stories, six parts pirate ships emerging from water, five parts capturing, five parts rescuing and ten parts action/violence/sword fights. mix haphazardly against elaborate sets and computer graphics. let set for three hours until the audience rises.
the movie could be broken down into FOUR major flaws:
POOR WRITING. it seemed the writers were very aware that audiences were only going to see 'Pirates' for Jack Sparrow, so they thought... "hmmm, if people love Jack so much... they'll love THREE jacks, or FOUR jacks, or even MORE Jacks!!" so they made scenes reminiscent of Alice in Wonderland where Jack hallucinates and sees many of himself. the mood and overall appearance of these scenes drastically contrast with the mood and overall appearance of the film. for a minute i thought i was watching an Oompa Loompa scene from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
TOO MANY CHARACTERS: accompanying poor writing was the addition of too many characters. in a nutshell: jack's crew (which was two crews combined), the British crew, the squid's crew, and a new Asian crew all have different agendas that (of course) require the other crews to be killed. Elizabeth (Knightly) becomes captain of the Asian crew, Orlando bloom becomes captain of the squid crew and Jack bounces between every crew as he is traded and captured for deal-making. Orlando bloom's character wants to free his father, Jack wants to be immortal, Kiera Knightly's character wants to be with Orlando Bloom again, the squid wants the sea goddess, Elizabeth wants to kill the British captain for killing her father, the British crew wants jack dead and the Asian crew wants to be a part of whichever crew is getting the treasure. but is there even treasure?!! the object they're all after is a beating heart. and yes, it's as confusing as it sounds.
OLD JOKES. just like the second, all of the "comedic" moments in the third movie relied on recycled material from the first movie. the humor in 'pirates' can be attributed to six subjects: 1) the wooden eye: kudos to whoever thought to give that guy a wooden eye because you added 30 pages of plot to each film!! 2) jack, the monkey: the only character whose acting improved by the third film. he's also in a lot more of the scenes in the third movie. my boyfriend thought he was the best part. and he was right. 3) rum jokes: the first movie relied heavily on rum jokes. since the third movie didn't know what the hell it was doing, it hit up the booze too. 4) the sexual tension between jack and elizabeth. the cliché "trust me, it would have never worked between us..." lines return again. 5) jack getting slapped: yes, women love to slap jack sparrow. we got that one already, thanks. 6) sheer stupidity/slapstick humor: the other nanoseconds of anticipated (but unreceived) humor relied on the dumb antics of the fat guy and the skinny guy with the wooden eye.
CONFUSING PLOT. it felt as though the writers made this movie up as they were filming it and when they were running low on plot someone said, "i know, let's make one of the crew members turn out to be a sea goddess!!" and since there are only two female main characters (one being Kiera Knightly), the Jamaican-sounding chick landed the role of sea goddess. this made the plot entertaining for about 20 seconds when the Jamaican chick turned into the 50 ft. woman and started talking like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and then exploded into millions of crabs at which point i leaned over to my boyfriend and said, "haha, she had crabs!!" needless to say, i don't plan on seeing the 4th or 5th or 6th Pirates movie. but i will be curious to see if Depp stays aboard.
bottom line: if you were planning on seeing pirates, go see Waitress instead. written by: Jena Ardell
over-dramatic. unconvincing. predictable.
this movie was horrible. yes, the point is that the main character is "growing up" too fast but the plot jumps ahead waaay too quickly. one day the main character is shunned by the popular bad girls at school and then the next day they talk to her because she's wearing "cool" clothes. that wouldn't happen.
i was expecting to learn that the main character was raped by her mom's boyfriend by the way she'd freak out and have mini flashbacks every time she saw him.
the dialog is lame and the story becomes unrealistic at times. whenever the bad-influence best friend wanted sympathy and didn't want to get kicked out of the main character's house, she'd just say her uncle burned her and pushed her into a fire. very unconvincing both in the way the lines were delivered and the fact that the girl only had one odd scar on her back.
i'm not sure why this film won awards and nominations, especially in 2003 and 2004. it seemed outdated. i think i'd be more understanding if the movie was made in the early 90s... it seemed cheesy enough.
bottom line: you can tell a thirteen-year-old co-wrote the screenplay.
I Heart Huckabees (2004)
wahlberg saves the day!
mark wahlberg totally keeps this movie alive. if it wasn't for him/his character, i wouldn't have finished watching this movie. the plot is VERY original but difficult to digest at times and jude law and naomi watts almost make this movie painful to watch. if i ever watch the movie again, i am going to fast-forward their scenes.
also the way that shania twain's name was being tossed around i was expecting her role to last a bit longer than 10 seconds. (she only has a MEGA brief cameo in an elevator!!)
if you get a chance, see this movie solely for wahlberg's performance. it's worth enduring the two hours. he's fantastic. i would have enjoyed the movie more if his character was the main character. jason schwartzman was good, but wahlberg definitely stole the show.
Wahlberg is a modern day McGuyver... but better looking.
finally, a movie in theaters WORTH seeing!!!! i just saw "Shooter" and i was thoroughly entertained. the plot kept me intrigued from beginning to end. mark wahlberg is fantastic... he's like a modern day McGuyver, but better looking and more sarcastic. his character is cunning and smart. wahlberg excels in playing characters who are determined to make an impact. i'm not a huge fan of action movies, but this movie was so packed with plot that i just kept moving along with it. i bet most of the naysayers of the film are going to be people who believe every word their government tells them. yes, this film depicts government officials in a bad light, but what or who doesn't? i'm sure in reality it's much worse. don't let political beliefs interfer with seeing this film... it's a good time no matter what side you are on. the screenplay was well-written, excluding ONE, minute one-liner about anna nicole smith marrying for love which was obviously written before her death. (plus the story takes place in 1997 anyway!!) other than that detail, viewers should have no complaints with this film. it's intense but not overbearing. easy to follow but complex. and you'll be impressed with wahlberg's character... go see for yourself!!